Salvager VALi

Val doesn't claim to be an artist. In fact, if Hick bought a storage shed with the paintings of Val inside, abandoned by their owner, not even worth paying $50 a month to keep...he would throw them on his burn pile. Not haul them 60 miles to the city, to consult an expert who has appeared on Antiques Roadshow.

However...Val has a knack for making life imitate art. Some items in her kitchen this week were reminiscent of the Salvador Dali work: The Persistence of Memory.

I took pictures of my kitchen items separately. But if I'd been a bit more patient, I would have stuck one into the other, and called MY work The Indulgence of VALedictory.

Val is a connoisseur of plastic forks. She prefers to eat with them, having an aversion to the metallic taste and feel of real forks, and even washes them for re-use. DON'T JUDGE! Spoons and knives don't give her the same vibe. It's just the forks. Besides, they're free with many fast food meals, and Val has a stockpile of them from when she was routinely having the Hardee's Chicken Bowl for lunch, before she switched over to Walmart Chicken Bacon Ranch pinwheels.

Who knew that plastic forks are not as good for flipping items in a nonstick skillet as Val thought they were?

In another gross miscarriage of Even Steven justice...Val was dealing with a garage emergency (an upcoming tale all its own) when her carried-in groceries toppled off the kitchen counter.

Apparently, individual ice cream cups that have been riding around in T-Hoe's rear at 94 degrees (even though ensconced in a Cardinals insulated zip-top bag and covered with Val's purple quilted parking-lot duty-coat) do not hold up well to a three-foot topple.

Let the record show that Val tried to salvage the fork, but those bent tines provided an unpleasant texture on the tongue. It was a sad farewell. The out-of-focus ice cream, however, was still delicious.