Saturday, I noticed a pain in my foot when I put on my broken-in old red Crocs. It was on that fleshy area where your foot turns into toes. Not a bad pain. More like uncomfortableness. Well, crap! I thought. Are my Crocs worn out? Did the sole crack? Is it pinching my foot when I walk? I didn't take time to look, because I was headed outside to carry in the rest of the groceries, after slipping into something more comfortable after putting away the cold foods.
I took off the Crocs to lounge around in the La-Z-Boy while recovering from my shopping. Then I slid my feet back into those Crocs to head down to my dark basement lair.
Huh. That still hurts. I don't guess there's something IN my shoe...feels like it. Or maybe a crack. Once downstairs, I kicked off that Croc to look inside.
Nope. Here's a treat for you, the actual view into the chasm. Nothing in there but little dirty spots, from wear. C'mon, people! Don't think you're going to lecture me on foot hygiene. FEET go in there, you know! At least mine are most often sheathed in black Doc Ortho socks. Ten years of wear is going to leave its mark on the inside of a shoe. And believe me, you don't want to wish for smell-a-blog. Trust me. No evidence of a crack, either.
Huh. What's the deal? I turned my Croc over. What in the not-heaven?
A SPOT! On the sole of my Croc. Did I step on something foody? Maybe a drop of ice cream on the kitchen floor. You know (thanks to my excellent
Wait a minute! It won't peel off!
BECAUSE IT'S A FRIGGIN' TACK, people! A TACK!
I blame Hick. I know you didn't see that coming! It's not like I would ever wear Crocs to school. WHO DOES THAT? Besides, I've been retired for two years. It's not like I'm volunteering, or breaking in at night to relive my glory days (heh, heh, I first typed that as gory days!). I traverse the same real estate day in and day out. Tackless. I can only surmise that Hick was up to something, and dropped a tack. Seriously. You don't think I could have brought this calamity upon myself, do you?
It looks like I was not so much under attack as I was on a tack!
Since trying to kill you from the brain down hasn't worked, he's now trying to get you from the feet up!!
ReplyDeleteI can believe that! Maybe he was hoping I would suffer a puncture wound that would fester. I don't think I've had a tetanus booster since I ripped my forearm flesh on a rusty nail sticking out of the garage wall on T-Hoe's driver's side, for holding fishing poles.
DeleteWhat in the not-heaven is wrong with wearing to Crocs to work? Just about every day, my students are greeted to the sight of me in my Crocs.
ReplyDeleteAnd they say over and over how "stylish" they are...
Perhaps they are speaking the language of the young, and what you hear as "stylish" means something else entirely. Such as "sty-ish." The kind of footwear a pig might wear (and none too cleanly, I might add) on its cloven hooves...
DeleteThat could have been much worse if your crocks were worn a bit more.
ReplyDeleteI suppose that's what Hick was counting on when he scattered TACKS all over my path.
DeleteYikes! I hope seeing that intruder didn't cause tack-acardia!
ReplyDeleteSadly for Hick's best-laid plans, it did not.
DeleteBetter to step on a tack than sit on one. I think Hick may up to something. And WHO would wear Crocs to school?
ReplyDeleteOoh! Now you take me back to my junior high choir class, when some incorrigible ruffians put a TACK on the piano bench and our teacher sat on it. She was no princess. Would not have felt a pea. Because she didn't even feel that TACK! She stood up, and it was stuck in the back of her dress, right in her rumpus area. My 13-year-old self might have snickered at that...
DeleteOh, we know WHO...even without the confession.
I knew that was a tack the second I saw it. When the kids were little and doing crafty things at home in the holidays, I'd pick up tacks in my thongs, which you people call flip-flops. It wasn't safe to walk around my house barefoot!
ReplyDeleteUs old people used to call them thongs, but I don't dare do it now, in the presence of my two Millennial sons!
DeleteThe color of it threw me off at first. I expect a tack to be silver.