Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday #103 "I Wish I Was Oskar Meyer's Wiener"

Blog buddy Sioux is hosting Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday again. I have 150 words to convince you to fake-buy my fake book. This week's fake book is close to Val's cold, cold heart. It's about dachshund doggies, like her very own (formerly known as "Puppy") Jack, a dachshund/red heeler combo. Those long little doggies are dynamite. Loyal and loving, but with minds of their own. Go fetch your fake money, and fake-order this fake book before you're in Val's dog house!

I Wish I Was Oskar Meyer's Wiener

Oskar Meyer loved wiener dogs! He had a whole pack. Each dog was a little different, but they all shared a dachshund parent. Oskar took his pack of wiener dogs for walks several times a day. Being independently wealthy, he could use his wieners to leisurely spread love around the city. Oskar gave homeless guys first shot. His dogs loved the companionship. It was almost as if Oskar's wieners were made for bums.

Wieners throughout the city's animal shelters were frank about their desires. It was no secret they would relish becoming Oskar Meyer's wiener, and grow steamed if denied the opportunity. Will Oskar Meyer be able to fit each wiener with a bum? Or will he be unable to cut the mustard? (125 words)

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Fake Reviews for Val’s Fake Book

Lake Pontchartrain Causeway..."Fewer people have driven across me than have been driven mad by this fake author's fake books! Thevictorian is all wet, and should fling herself off me at every mile marker until she has dampened her spirit and is willing to accept the fact that she's all washed up!"

Stretch limo..."I have a feeling that more vomit has landed on Thevictorian's fake pages than on my upholstery during a typical prom season! This gal needs to put the brakes on the fake-writing. She veers off course more often than Hick sweaving down the interstate."

Nathan's..."This fake author is such a hot dog that there should be a contest every summer to see who can stomach the most fake books fake-written by Thevictorian."

June 21st..."Oh, my days! This book seemed to go on forever! I felt like it would never end! Thevictorian has made this the summer of my discontent with her fake writing. I felt like overdosing on Country Time Lemonade, just to escape the bad taste this fake book left in my mouth."

Atlas, speaking for his buddies War and Peace, The Stand, and Gone With the Wind..."I must say, we all agree that June 21st called that one! This has to be one of the longest fake books ever fake-written. Before I was even halfway through it, I just shrugged. This fake author's fake work shows no rhyme or reason. It's as if Thevictorian fake-writes and fake-writes, trying to fill her life with purpose...yet she achieves nothing."

Rapunzel's hair..."Thevictorian, Thevictorian...let down your ego! Cease the fake-writing of the fake books! As my friend the miller's daughter says, 'You cannot fake-spin a fake story to save your first-born child!'"

A First-Time Mother's Labor..."Whew! Push, push, push! This excruciating pain has gone on for sooo long...and I'm not talking about childbirth! I'm talking about my feeling after trying to fake-read Thevictorian's fake book that I brought along to pass the time. If I could, I'd PUSH Thevictorian right out of the literary world. And I wouldn't be saying 'hee, hee, hee' as I did it!"

A Long Day's Journey into Night..."This fake book is so terrible that to avoid fake-reading the rest of it, I can't decide whether to drown my sorrows in whiskey, morphine, or just waste away from tuberculosis. I'm sorry I fake-spent my fake money on this fake book! I hope I'll not see Thevictorian in the poorhouse. Even though that's where SHE should end up!"
  
The Long Way to Tipperary..."It's a long way to Tipperary. It's a long way to go. But if you all get moving now, you might be able to give this fake author the slip, and avoid ever having to fake-read another of her fake books again!"

The Ride From Backroads, Missouri to Norman, Oklahoma..."I, myself, am a long way to go. Good thing these fake reviews came out while Thevictorian was on the road! Her fake-writing falls as flat as the landscape on the last 1/3 of my trip. I'd sooner read Baker Mayfield's old playbook than one of this fake author's fake tomes."