Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday #102 "Take This Stuff and Shove It"

Blog buddy Sioux is hosting Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday again. I have 150 words to convince you to fake-buy my fake book. This week, Val proves that literature is stranger than truth, in a blood-pressure-raising tale of love gone wrong. Love for material things. Love with a price tag. The love of a husband for his junk, over his wife. [Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental!] Go buy a storage unit, look through it for a jar of coins, and use them to pre-order Val's latest fake book!

 Take This Stuff and Shove It

Sal Thethicktorian has had it! She's kicking her husband Nick to the curb. And putting all of his stuff there, too. She's tired of living in a hoarder's paradise. If only there was a curb LONG ENOUGH to set out all of Nick's stuff. Sal might be better off leaving Nick's stuff where it is, and moving the curb.

Will folks see the value in Nick's treasures? Will they disappear from the curb overnight? Or will Sal face the wrath of the Homeowners' Association when they get a load of Nick's load? Might Nick take up residence in the middle of the pile, and rake in money hand-over-fist, just to show Sal that his junk IS TO worth something? (119 words)

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Fake Reviews for Val’s Fake Book

Apple IIe Computer..."Here I sit, broken-hearted. Teacher's time-waster, now discarded. This fake author has about as much chance of fake-selling this fake book as my pioneers have of reaching the end of the Oregon Trail." 

Coca Cola contour glass..."I'd weep for my owner, but knowing that he still has 3,256,179 of me left softens the blow of our separation. Thank goodness that's 3,256,177 more than the number of this fake book that will be sold!"

Assorted Wooden Heads Made from Coconut Shells..."We WEEP! Now where are we going to live? We've been spoiled by having our own themed shed. But not as bad as Thevictorian has been spoiled by people humoring her humorless writing."

Assorted Wooden Masks Made from Tree Bark and Planks..."Aghhh! Some people consider US to be scary. Those people haven't picked up one of Thevictorian's fake books. We stand with the Assorted Wooden Heads, and are willing to cohabit with them if space becomes available. Meanwhile, there is no room for Thevictorian in the world of literature."

Hope, at the Gates of Not-Heaven..."I have been abandoned too many times to count! This fake author should abandon her fake books and her little hobby of fake-writing, or she is destined to pass through this gate as a repercussion for making her fake-readers lives a living...well...you know."

Shoulder Pads from Linda Evans's Dynasty Wardrobe..."We are here for everyone who has fake-read a Thevictorian fake book to cry on. Seriously. With plenty of room left over for bearing the weight of the literary world, who created this monster."

PONG..."I am to video games what Thevictorian is to literature. And I DON'T mean a trendsetter or a pioneer. Nope. I'm talking about a rudimentary, barely-tolerable archetype. She belongs next to me on this curb. Thing is, somebody might pick me up and take me home. But nobody is picking up Thevictorian!"

Blockbuster Video..."Plenty of space in my stores for this fake author to set up shop. I also have some shelves, cheap, that her ex might be interested in."

Chernobyl..."Thevictorian is welcome to move in here! It's not crowded at all. She can bask in the glow of...well...herself, while she fake-pens more fake books to sicken the public. "

3-Mile Island..."I stand with Chernobyl! Thevictorian is welcome here, even though some feel that three miles is not nearly far enough away for her and her fake books. I'm pretty sure Fukushima has a vacancy, Val."