Val Broke the Buffalo

No, Val did NOT break the Buffalo with her big butt. In fact, the record does not show that Val was the original perpetrator.

Wednesday night, after taking The Pony to a steakhouse for supper (where he was looking for medallions of beef, but settled for chopped steak with lobster), we all went to Riverwind Casino. Don't you worry about The Pony ending up in the hoosegow. Gambling age for slots in Oklahoma is 18. The Pony is 20. He didn't even get IDed.

Isn't that a pretty ceiling in Riverwind Casino? The bar is on the left, where that fringe is hanging. Not that any of us utilized the bar. It's not like we had Genius with us. I had to rush this picture, because taking them is frowned upon in Riverwind. I DID get the top of Hick's balding head in my picture, while he was sitting at Wonder Woman.

The Pony hung out with me most of the night, making a few forays to slots that are not to my liking. I was losing big-time, The Pony had a tickets worth $190 to cash in, and Hick was $140 up. We had agreed to meet at 9:30 up front. However...The Pony was a row behind me, and Hick was with my sights at a carousel of Wonder Woman machines.

I had been playing Buffalo Gold, hitting three bonuses, which paid me $4.00, $1.80, and $3.80. Sure, I was only betting $.60. But I expected a bit more from a bonus. They're fun to play, but I would be leaving in ten minutes. So I hopped over two machines to another Buffalo Gold to try my luck. The Pony wandered over as I was putting in my money.

"I know we're leaving in a minute. So I'm high-rolling. Do you think? I might as well. That's how I won $600 on it the last time we were here. On this very machine. Playing it fast, at $2.40 a bet, until I had to quit and meet you and Dad."

"Sure. Why not? Wait a minute. Does it go higher?"

"Yeah. It goes to $3.60. I never play that."

"Change to $3.00 a spin."

I had been betting hurriedly at $2.40. The SPIN button was stuck, and I was pushing the $2.40 button in the line of buttons showing the bet amounts. You can do it either way. I often use the amount buttons, because there's not a lag between when you press them, and the spin starts. With The Pony's advice, I pushed the $3.00 bet.

COIN...COIN...COIN!

Those are the symbols that put you into the bonus! Way to go, Pony! It's all a matter of timing, you know. Random number generator. If The Pony hadn't said wait a minute, or if I hadn't answered him back, a different random number would have triggered my spin. It's a matter of nanoseconds. Same with pushing the SPIN button to start your bonus, I think. I sometimes wait a second or two after the dramatic music. I'm not sure if your bonus result random number is triggered by the bonus itself, or by the instant you spin to start the bonus.

Anyhoo, when those three coins came up, I threw my hands in the air, and said, "YEAH!" Because, you know, I had a bonus coming to me with a $3.00 bet. Not a $.60 bet. I was expecting great fortune. I pressed the SPIN button to start my bonus.

Nothing.

That SPIN button was jammed. I knew that when I started playing, but I figured it would still work for the bonus. I touched the screen. NO! The bonus could not be screen-activated!

"NO! It won't let me start my bonus! NO! That's not fair!"

"Here. Let me try." The Pony gave it a go. Still jammed. He tried to get a fingernail in the groove to pop it out. Nope. Too tight.

"NO! The CALL ATTENDANT button is stuck, too! What am I supposed to do now?"

By this time, Hick was walking over from Wonder Woman. "Oh, you got a bonus?"

"YES! But it won't let me start it! Go get an attendant and tell them!"

Hick looked all put-out. Like how dare I expect him to go find an attendant. As if I could just walk away from a slot machine ready to play a bonus, with $76.40 in it of my own money! The Pony had taken a couple of jabs at the SPIN button and the CALL ATTENDANT button. And then we saw the light on top of the Buffalo start flashing.

A little blond gal in a casino polo shirt, with a radio, walked up. I explained the problem, and she started pounding on that SPIN button. Tried to pry it up with HER fingernails. Nope. She called for a service technician on the radio. Made some small talk. Was very polite and apologetic. A tech in the same uniform with the same radio came out to look at my Buffalo. He pounded on the SPIN button. And tried to pry it up with his fingernails.

"I'm going to have to get another screwdriver." And he left.

That Casino Gal chatted with me a while. Talked into her radio, which I couldn't hear clearly. I finally said, "I guess maybe he's making a new screwdriver?"

"Oh. You might as well sit down in that other chair. This might take a while. The distributor for that game is in town, and we're calling him."

"Oh. This kind of takes all the excitement out of my bonus."

"I'm so sorry. Some of these games are really touchy. He might have to take the whole front apart, instead of just aligning the sensors to make contact again."

"What happens if you can't get it working?"

"Well, of course we would give you your $76.40, and the $6.45 the bonus shows right now. Then we would see what your bonus would have played out to, and call you so you can pick that up tomorrow."

No thank you. I'll wait and get it NOW. No matter how much they're regulated (which isn't AT ALL in the Indian casinos of Oklahoma), I just don't trust what might happen when I'm out of the picture. Seriously. Would YOU walk away from a slot, and then be satisfied with what someone TOLD YOU was the bonus? Not this ol' Val.

A scrawny guy came out and crawled under the machine. Yes, he first pounded on the SPIN button, and tried to pry it up with his fingernails. He took the whole front ledge off of it. The part with all the buttons. Fiddled around for quite a while. Then he put it back on and put some kind of key in it, and the screen showed my three coins coming up, and played the bonus music. He apologized for my wait, and said I could spin my bonus any time I wanted. BUT that I couldn't cash out until the machine was done running its reactivation program.

MY BONUS! I pushed the SPIN button and it started. Not great. It retriggered to give me five more games. But I was lacking BUFFALO. Do you know what I won on my bonus, after waiting 45 minutes for that slot to be repaired?

$30.00

Only 10x my bet. I had been hoping for more. But that gave me my money back for that game, almost Even-Stevenly, plus a few dollars. Hick had lost $40 of his winnings back on Wonder Woman while waiting. The Pony was sighing.

Those exceptionally polite casino workers must have been exceptionally tired of being polite. If I was one of them, I'd have been thinking: Buffalo Val, won't you get out tonight?