The Ham Balloon

You know what a ham balloon is, right? A soft pack of wafered ham with a ziplock top, sealed up full of air, all poofy, by the man of the house, and put back in FRIG II. Uh huh. I knew that you'd understand.

I can't say I was shocked to find the ham balloon in FRIG II. Only the night before, I'd caught Hick twisting up the bag of rolls full of air. With a flair like a casino cashier counting back change. Or a magician grandly gesturing to take your attention off his trickery. Or a Benihana chef showing off his mad skillz.

Yes, Hick was making exaggerated movements, spinning that bag of rolls full of air, holding it at face height while standing in front of the corner cabinet as I was at the other end of the counter, chopping up mushrooms, red onion, boiled eggs, romaine lettuce, chicken breast, and tomatoes for a big salad.

"HEY! Don't be sealing that up with air in it!"

"I'm NOT!" lied Hick, putting the twist tie on the bag like a rodeo cowboy hog-tying a calf.

"You are TOO! I just watched you! It's poofy!"

"At least I'm not blowing air in it like you said your dad did," replied Hick, thinking that made it right.

Still...Hick had closed up that bag of rolls with air inside, rather than squeezing it out first. AIR! The arch-nemesis of freshness! Maybe he's planning a ham-and-roll party, and needs those balloons.
______________________________________________________________________

Let the record show that my dad actually blew into a bag of Wonder Bread before twist-tying it, stating that air is the best insulator. For heat transfer, people. NOT for the freshness of edibles.