Not Quite as Embarrassing as the Month I Had to Prop Open the Back Hatch with a Crutch

Poor old T-Hoe. He's falling apart. We've been planning to get rid of him for three years now, but I just can't do it. T-Hoe is comfortable. My leather seat is broken in. I sit up high, surveying my kingdom as I roll along, confident that in a crash, 80% of other vehicles would sustain more damage than he. Not that I go looking for a crash, mind you. I drive defensively every day. Seems like center lines are only a suggestion around here.

Anyhoo... the latest malfunction on T-Hoe is the passenger side mirror. I discovered the problem two days ago. Rolling up the driveway on my quest for a 44 oz Diet Coke, I pushed the button to fold out T-Hoe's mirrors. I always fold them in upon entering the garage, because Hick broke off the passenger side mirror backing out, when I was being transported to the city by ambulance with multiple bilateral pulmonary embolisms. So that passenger side mirror is actually 6 years newer than the driver's side mirror. Which has also had this not-opening problem, off and on, as recently as last month.

Anyhoo... I had to stop at the end of the driveway and get out and walk around to manually pop that side mirror out. Which meant I had to fend off a swarm of horseflies, and step into the grass, which probably means I'll get itchy bites from freeloading insects that moved into the mesh of my shoes.

I know it's not an electrical problem causing T-Hoe's mirror woes. Oh, he definitely HAS an electrical problem. Only the back part of the seat heats now, not the butt part. Sometimes even the back won't heat, because the light of the control doesn't even come on when I push it. The radio will decide to go black and silent at random times. Then come back on 1 to 5 minutes later. But when I push the button to extend or retract the mirrors, the driver's side mirror does as told, while the passenger side remains in its current position, while the motor trying to move it whirs for about 15 seconds.

The first day, I parked on the wrong side of the road down at the mailboxes, so I could walk around to the mirror without machete-ing my way through tree limbs. I popped that mirror closed and then open, twice. When I got back in, the control to move the glass part of the mirror worked, which hadn't before. It still wouldn't fold in when I got back home, though. I left it out, and maneuvered T-Hoe into the garage. When I walked around to get my 44 oz Diet Coke out, I manually closed it for my back-out trip the next day.

I told Hick about the malfunction. Asked if maybe there was something he could squirt into the mechanism to make it work. He'd done so once with the driver's side mirror. Graphite, I think. The powdery stuff. He said he would. I figure that after running up and down this mile of gravel road at least once a day for 12 years, the works might get gummed-up with dust.

Of course the next day, Hick had not even thought about doing what he'd agreed to. I called him while waiting for the garage door to open (on the 8th try). He was just sitting down to lunch at Burger King. That's what he said, though it was probably Hardee's, since he gets them confused. Do you think Hick apologized and said he'd get right on it? Who are we kidding...

Hick LAUGHED about it!

"Val. It's just a plastic gear. If one of the ears gets worn, it's not going to work. I don't know what you think I can do about it. Maybe tonight I'll drive it over to the BARn and see if I can loosen it up."

You know, because actually TAKING IT TO MICK THE MECHANIC FOR REPAIRS didn't even enter Hick's mind. Like the time the hydraulic thingy that opens the back hatch went kaput, and Hick went out to the garage and put a crutch in the back.

"There. I've got you fixed up. You won't have to hold it open with your hand now. You can prop it with that crutch. I'll see if I can find that part next time I go to the parts store."

Sheesh! You'd think I was driving a $200 junker. Not a 2008 Tahoe.