Remember when I was pretty sure Hick was trying to kill me? Maybe I was just exaggerating a little. Maybe I have a vivid imagination. Silly ol' Val. That's preposterous, really. HICK trying to kill VAL? No way! Hick doesn't want to KILL Val. Hick just wants to GET RID OF Val.
We weren't 15 miles from home yet, hadn't even met up with my sister the ex-mayor's wife and the ex-mayor himself for the trek to Casinopalooza...when Hick made his true motives known.
"Why don't you just put yourself in the nursing home? Over by the lake."
"WHAT? I can't believe you! You're trying to send me to a nursing home?"
Let the record show that immediately before that, the subject of discussion (other than Hick's driving, a discussion which was kind of one-sided, totally unlike Hick's actual driving penchant of sweaving) had been getting out and doing things, and Val's concerns about her knees.
"Just go get them operated on. While we still have two insurances."
"How would I get around while I recover? I have one knee that can get me up steps. And it's the BAD knee."
"It won't kill you to stay out of the basement. You don't have to go up steps!"
"Um...HELLO! I won't be able to go in the HOUSE! There are four steps up to the porch, you know."
"Three."
"FOUR!" You'd think Hick could remember that. He's the one who built the steps by the front door and the steps by the side porch.
"Okay. Four. Why don't you just put yourself in the nursing home. Over by the lake."
"WHAT? I can't believe you! You're trying to send me to a nursing home?"
"Like where your aunt went after her hip and shoulder surgery. Rehab."
"A NURSING HOME? I'll get that pooping disease and die!"
Wait a minute...I'm pretty sure Hick IS trying to kill me!
You could get one of those escalator stair chair things. They only take about 10 minutes to go up 15 stairs.
ReplyDeleteThat's still faster than when I walk up them!
DeleteVal--I wonder what kind of shenanigans Hick would get into while you would be gone for a month or two?
ReplyDeleteI would return home to have trouble finding my home. It would be surrounded by a circle of themed shacks.
DeleteOMG, I'm sure you're right!!
DeleteIt certainly sounds like Hick is trying to kill you to me Val although there probably are more guaranteed ways than to put you in a nursing home on the off chance that you might get that pooping disease. Still, better to be safe than sorry ...
ReplyDeleteThis way, he won't look like a suspect.
DeleteThese posts could be used as evidence during Hicks' murder trial.
ReplyDeleteGood luck, Mr. Prosecutor, on pinning The Pooping Disease Murder on Hick Thevictorian.
DeleteI just don't know what to say!! Here he has an opportunity to launch a project and build a ramp for you to enter your abode ...... You should order one of those chairs that will glide you up and down the stairs. I always think of that old TV show, The Farmers Daughter when I think about that stair chair. Do you remember that?
ReplyDeleteIf Hick builds my ramp the way he built the steps, there will be a little toe-catcher (or in my case, a wheel-catcher or crutch-catcher) after the top step, the thickness of a porch board. He forgets to calculate that into his measurements. He actually rebuilt the front porch steps to get rid of that toe-catcher, last summer when he dug up the sidewalk bricks and put them back exactly the same.
DeleteNO! I think of Mrs. Deagle in Gremlins! She had one on her curving staircase that shot her out the upstairs window.
I can empathize with you. Tell Mr. Fixit to rig up a mechanical seat to take you up and down to your lair, or build you a hideaway, and he can bring you food. Oh, second thought, maybe the nursing home would be a vacation.
ReplyDeleteI'd probably be safer in a nursing home taking my chances on getting the pooping disease...than at home in a sling rigged by Hick, eating six-week-old expired hot dogs.
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