Friday, March 31, 2017

Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday #54 "Philatel Attraction"

Blog buddy Sioux is hosting Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday. I have 150 words to convince you to fake-buy my fake book. Are you a collector at heart? Do you scoff at hoarders, yet have a need to possess every single fake book Val Thevictorian has fake-published? If so, then this week's fake book is a must-have. is EACH ONE of them for you...but anyway...It's the story of a man who carries his love for the Statue of Liberty a little too far. He's a passionate type who can't let go. Mesmerized by her beauty, he creates more versions of the Statue of Liberty than Bubba Gump has shrimp. Fake-order your fake copy of this epic today. You don't want to appear unpatriotic, do you?

Philatel Attraction

Alex Woods really, REALLY loves the Statue of Liberty. A brief visit as a tourist has led to a more serious entanglement for Alex. He has trouble letting go. Becomes obsessed, actually.

The good news is that Alex turns his love for Lady Liberty into a healthy hobby, creating artist's renderings in many different media. One painting is chosen as a new stamp design. A problem arises when Alex refuses to let any of the stamps be sold. If he can't have them, NO ONE can!

Will Alex turn to crime to buy up all books and sheets and rolls of Liberty stamps that he can find? Or will he steal them and plunge every last one into a pot of boiling water? To find out, read Philatel Attraction. On the other side of preliminary designs, submission, and printing by an outside contractor, lies a terrifying stamp-collecting story. (148 words)


Fake Reviews for Val’s Fake Book

American Philatelic Society..."This fake book is the bane of our existence! The author portrays stamp collectors as mentally unbalanced! Besides that, it is horribly fake-written. Even the numismatists won't throw a coin Thevictorian's way. It's a tome only the bibliophiles could love."

Mendenhall Glacier…"This fake book should really be called, ‘Thevictorian’s Folly.’ It’s not worth $7.20 on the clearance table. This story left me cold. In fact, it upset me so much that I felt like calving. Don't drop a chunk of your change on this worthless fake book."

Seattle Space Needle..."It doesn't take a 360-degree panoramic view to see that this author is not going to succeed. She has her head in the clouds, when pointedly she is the salt of the earth. And like salt to people of a certain age, she’s giving everybody hypertension. Avoid this fake book if you value your health!"

Sutters Mill…"Allow me to share this little nugget of truth with you: Nobody finds treasure in Thevictorians fake writing. You’re fools for trying."

New Jersey chemical factories..."Thevictorian’s fake writing stinks more than us! The citizens of our fine state would rather make a trip to the DMV without benefit of a nice dirty water cocktail buzz than fake-read this fake book."

Multnomah Falls…”This fake author must have been high when she fake-wrote this fake book. It absolutely made my gorge rise. Thevictorian needs to take a hike."

Crater Lake…"This fake book makes me blue. I may be a little rough around the edges, but I know bad fake writing when I fake-read it. I blew my top before I was out of the first chapter. We could go round and round on this topic, but Thevictorian should be in deep trouble for leading people to believe she’s a fake author."

Arizona’s Painted Desert..."Color us surprised that Thevictorian got this fake book fake-published. She should be red-faced with shame at this fake effort. Sorry for my original reaction. My language was more colorful than a Peter Max painting. This fake book is a barren landscape where a plot can find no purchase."

U.S.S. Missouri…"I am ashamed to say that this fake author hails from my homeland namesake. Look at the lengths I have gone to in order to dissociate myself from her roots. I am willing to wage war on any future publishing ventures of Val Thevictorian. She should surrender all hope of making it in the literary world. She has bombed with this attempt."

England…"I have never been so happy to be an island! Good luck on finding me, Thevictorian, on your fake book tour. Keep those fake books in the boot of your auto. There’s not enough petrol in the world for you to drive yourself on the wrong side of the ocean to get here! While you have made your fellow citizens PISSED with your fake writing, you have made me WISH I was pissed!"


  1. With all those lady Liberties getting a licking you'd think she'd smile more.

    1. Wow, Stephen! Do you write for the only-for-adults audience in your spare time?

    2. I think he is seeking his reviewer's badge.

  2. Val--Your book title is the bomb. Did you get the reference in my title? (Think sci-fi.)

    1. Stranger in a Strange Land? That's what I thought of. I've never read it, though. It's more The Pony's style.

  3. The Space Needle response is a hoot.

    1. Some of my fake reviewers get more involved than others.

      This week, I tried to work in reviews from landmarks in states associated with my loyal commenters. The Space Needle was a freebie. Because who can resist a fake review from the Space Needle?