Here's the latest. He was sure to send me a picture and the details as soon as he unloaded them over in the BARn.
I'm sure you can figure out International Man of Espionage Hick's cryptic message:
Duck 50/ash trays 50 each /brush 1.00/hat 1.00/mail box 1.00/mask 2.00
He spent a grand total of $6.50 on that collection. Which is...um...about $6.50 too much in my opinion. But Hick didn't ASK for my opinion, now did he? Much like that last lawnmower purchase (if only THAT had cost $6.50. Or even $650.00, instead of $1700.00) or his shoe inserts from The Good Feet Store (which would have been another bargain at $6.50. Or even $650.00, instead of $1000.00).
Seriously. That mask is just downright creepy. Is Hick throwing a Mardi Gras party? I'd rather bite into the plastic baby in the King Cake and owe everybody next year's cake and party rather than see somebody (ESPECIALLY HICK) wearing that mask!
I could understand the shoeshine brush, to go with Hick's...um...SHELF that the cat uses for a bunk.
But I don't think Hick is gonna be battin' for the Cardinals any time soon.
Unless he's taken up smoking without telling me and without stinking, I see no need for the two ash trays. Perhaps he wants the New Mexico one to go with his tiny Texas collector plate. That Yum Yum Tree ashtray is not good for anything but flinging at Hick in a fit of rage. (note to self)
A man with a yard full of real, live chickens does not need a fake duck.
And that mailbox is WAY too tiny to be useful.
The joke could be on me, with Hick planning a special shack for each of those items, to fill with like treasures from future shopping sprees. I'm not laughing.
That was my thought, a new shack where he opens as a store to sell chotchkies (sp) to visitors of Hickyland.
ReplyDeleteOh, my....you actually think Hick would be willing to part with a single treasure? You will be sorely disappointed when you leave Hickyland empty-handed.
DeleteHas Hick been building shacks your entire marriage? If so, you must be a saint!!
ReplyDeleteFunny you should mention that! My best old ex-teaching buddy Mabel's mother once compared me to Mother Teresa.
DeleteLet's just say that Hick's first shack was built after we bought our land, but before we were married. I was forewarned.
Perhaps Hick is planning on wearing the mask and nothing else--not even a sock on IT...
ReplyDeleteVal--When are you planning on revealing your other blog's existence? Frothing-at-the-mouth readers might like to know...
EEEEE! Are you trying to frighten me more than the sight of Hick in that mask?
DeleteI guess now is as good a time as any. It's old news and has seen its heyday. It's the unkinder, ungentler, uninterestinger blog. Like a cinnamon babka, it is lesser.
But here it is, a time-waster for insomniacs:
hillbillymansion.blogspot.com
Has Hick ever found anything valuable? Something that might make you rich on Antique Road Show?
ReplyDeleteIn Hick's mind, they are all valuable. I think their combined total might be more than you'd imagine, but as far as one item, I can't recall a high-dollar find.
DeleteHe did pick up a couple of Hummel figurines for a couple of dollars apiece. They might be worth something.
What on earth is he going to do with all of this stuff?
ReplyDeleteDO with it? Say he has it. Stash it away in various outbuildings. Leave it for the four boys to deal with after he's gone.
DeleteHere's the thing. I complain a lot about Hick. But he grew up without much, one of three sons, with a blind dad and a sick mom, neither of whom had a job. Hick went to work at 14, and hasn't stopped since. So if collecting all this stuff makes him happy, well, let him be happy.
Now if he'd just ask me first about $1000 shoe inserts and $1700 lawnmowers...
What's that? A good word about Hick? Your facade is melting.
DeleteAll loving stories about Hick make Val a dull gal!
DeleteBesides, Hick is not lovey-dovey himself. His idea of a compliment (actual quote): "I like your skirt. It reminds me of a circus tent."
You know that if you said that to Mrs. C, she would call you a jerk!
The hoarding is a real issue here, as well. If only he would keep his hoarding down to smaller items, not tractors ....
ReplyDeleteWe only have two tractors. We would've had five riding lawnmowers, but Hick gave one to Genius, and two were stolen a long time ago.
Delete