That typed...let's not forget that The Pony needs a new pair of shoes. He's headed off to college next week, you know. And while he already has two new pairs of shoes, he needs shorts and shirts and socks, and toilet-cleaning supplies, and an extension cord and ethernet cable, and some notebooks and composition books and folders and pens and pencils, and oh yeah, a 32-inch TV.
So pony up, people, and get to buyin' Val's fake books!
The Blockhead: Callous Shrugged
Sal Thethicktorian does not suffer fools gladly. Like the short, self-important, 20-year-old salesman with gauges in his ears trying to upsell her son The Roan-y a different phone. "Let me discuss this with my electronics consultant." Sal stashes Gauge’s business card, and calls her elder son, Savant.
"You are NOT paying $637 retail. It’s $200-something online because you are an established customer. They can do it in the store. Ask for management."
Back goes Sal. "We want a two-year contract, no leasing, no installments. That deal is online."
"Well, that's ONLINE!" Sing-songs Tinkerbell, a bleachy-haired associate.
"All right. You can't do it." Sal takes her leave.
"Wait. I can call my manager...and see if we can do it..."
"No. Thank you. That’s only online."
Will The Roan-y despair because Sal is a blockhead? Will Sal seek satisfaction up the road at a different branch? (144 words)
__________________________________________________________________
Fake Reviews
for Val’s Fake Book
Ayn Rand…”Sorry, I cannot be objective. This author should be strapped to the railroad tracks, and any pieces left should then be tossed over the edge of a quarry.”
Budhha at Wat Phra Mahathat…”Thevictorian should make like a tree and leave...the author scene!”
The Easter Island Gang…”This author is a colossal blockhead.”
The Thinker…”I think that I shall stand up and get while the gettin' is good, rather than be hornswoggled into fake-reading this fake book!”
The Lucy Statue…”I am beside myself with consternation over Thevictorian's fake book. If only her townspeople would pitch a fit to have somebody rewrite this monster of a faux tome!"
The Four Presidents at Mount Rushmore…”If only we had bodies, we would run far, far away from Thevictorian's monumental failure of a fake book."
1. You, an Ayn Rand fan? I never would have guessed.
ReplyDelete2. That statue IS scary. I could make a better likeness of Lucy than that demented sculptor did.
3. Maybe those four presidents would have run with Cary Grant (wasn't it Grant?) in a south by southeast direction?
Thanks for playing. Did we both go off on a semi-real life vein this week?
1. No. But let the record show that I have seen the middle half of the movie, "The Fountainhead." And no, I did not scam the address of people who rented the video and spill grape juice on their couch.
Delete2. Yes, you could make a better fudge Lucy than that first bronze one.
3. Heh, heh. South by Southeast! Never saw that "new" classic.
Semi-real life? Mine was a heapin' IV helping of life-blood.
Clever, clever. My favorite is #1. Not only for the writing, but because I learned you can bargain with the on-site "phoneys" at the on-site phone tore. Next time, I'll try that line on them. The price of phones is crazy!
ReplyDeleteGot my deal today, a few miles up the road! Of course there will be a confusing post concerning the details, somtime in the near future.
DeleteYou can bargain on furniture, too! Just don't be too hard on Brook and Amy, because they have nice things. (Sorry, all you folks out of the local commercial loop!)
How about the Statue of Liberty: "I'll walk back to France rather than read this fake book!"
ReplyDeleteHeh, heh! You are a great reviewer. How could I forget Lady Liberty?
DeleteThere would seem to be a fake plot by fake characters in this fake book. But beware. The "Fake" title has already been used.
ReplyDeleteAre you trying to reverse-psychology me?
DeleteIt makes no never-mind to Val if some upstart from yesteryear time-traveled into the future and stole fake title of her fake book.