That typed...let's not forget that The Pony needs a new pair of shoes. He's headed off to college next week, you know. And while he already has two new pairs of shoes, he needs shorts and shirts and socks, and toilet-cleaning supplies, and an extension cord and ethernet cable, and some notebooks and composition books and folders and pens and pencils, and oh yeah, a 32-inch TV.
So pony up, people, and get to buyin' Val's fake books!
The Blockhead: Callous Shrugged
Sal Thethicktorian does not suffer fools gladly. Like the short, self-important, 20-year-old salesman with gauges in his ears trying to upsell her son The Roan-y a different phone. "Let me discuss this with my electronics consultant." Sal stashes Gauge’s business card, and calls her elder son, Savant.
"You are NOT paying $637 retail. It’s $200-something online because you are an established customer. They can do it in the store. Ask for management."
Back goes Sal. "We want a two-year contract, no leasing, no installments. That deal is online."
"Well, that's ONLINE!" Sing-songs Tinkerbell, a bleachy-haired associate.
"All right. You can't do it." Sal takes her leave.
"Wait. I can call my manager...and see if we can do it..."
"No. Thank you. That’s only online."
Will The Roan-y despair because Sal is a blockhead? Will Sal seek satisfaction up the road at a different branch? (144 words)
Fake Reviews for Val’s Fake Book
Ayn Rand…”Sorry, I cannot be objective. This author should be strapped to the railroad tracks, and any pieces left should then be tossed over the edge of a quarry.”
Budhha at Wat Phra Mahathat…”Thevictorian should make like a tree and leave...the author scene!”
The Easter Island Gang…”This author is a colossal blockhead.”
The Thinker…”I think that I shall stand up and get while the gettin' is good, rather than be hornswoggled into fake-reading this fake book!”
The Lucy Statue…”I am beside myself with consternation over Thevictorian's fake book. If only her townspeople would pitch a fit to have somebody rewrite this monster of a faux tome!"
The Four Presidents at Mount Rushmore…”If only we had bodies, we would run far, far away from Thevictorian's monumental failure of a fake book."