On the Wingtips of Love
Seamus meets the perfect woman. In a personal ad! He polishes his car and calls for his dog, a heeler. A peach cobbler in the boot, Seamus drives roughshod toward town, mindful of a crash that could leave him hanging over a power line.
Seamus lives outside the box, a straight-laced, well-heeled fellow who speaks with a brogue. Hopefully, this gal will take a shine to him. What’ll she be wearing tonight? Flats, clogs, open-toed heels, mules, Chuck Taylors, or...dare he hope...boogie shoes? And if he toes the line, will she end up in only her slippers?
Across town, the old lady kicks off her Sunday shoes and dons Crocs. She's no longer footloose and fancy free, what with all these kids she doesn't know what to do with.
Will Seamus and his lady make a perfect pair? Or will he get the boot when she socks it to him? (150 words)
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Fake Reviews
for Val’s Fake Book
The Good Feet Store…”Get this fake book FREE with a real purchase of $1000 or more.”
Odor Eaters…”This fake book stinks to high heaven. And believe us, we KNOW odors!”
A Summer Stock Troupe Performing "Swan Lake" in a Midwestern Dinner Theater…”This fake book is nowhere near en pointe. Thevictorian doesn't have an arabesque to stand on. We would like to jete' this fake book directly into the wastebasket. No matter how you pirouette it, this fake book is real merde.”
Top-Siders…”Thevictorian could not get a grip on her subject matter. She is headed for rough seas, skidding down a slippery slope, with no hope for smooth sailing in her faux-literary future.”
Boots…”We're made for walkin', and that's just what we'll do! Every day us boots are gonna walk into the loo...and flush this fake book. Until there are no more fake copies left."
Birkenstocks…”This author is not at all sensible, and she makes us uncomfortable."
Crocs…”Our attorney will be issuing a cease-and-desist order forthwith. We refuse to have our name dragged through the mud by this broken-down, so-called author. Even though our name would wash clean quite easily with a garden hose.”
This story need a little polish. I wonder if you have a shoe shine box anywhere.
ReplyDeleteHeh, heh! As a matter of fact, I DO! Forgot all about that.
DeleteBetween your too-many-to-count shoe references--and even Joeh's comment, I surrender.
ReplyDeleteYou ARE the queen of puns and funny stuff...
At last count, I had 24. No need to surrender. A new skirmish is around the bend.
DeleteI want to be the Princess of Procrastination! I'll leg-wrestle you for the crown. Oh, wait! You have bad knees now...too bad, so sad! Advantage to ME!
I kind of took a shine to this story but then I'm kind of a loafer.
ReplyDeleteI see what you did there! Don't try horning in on Seamus's action. This relationship might be a good fit--as long as he allows himself room to grow into it.
DeleteThis book has been wholeheartedly endorsed by the AAFF---American Association of Foot Fetishists.
ReplyDeleteI'll take any endorsements I can get! I'm trying to put my best foot forward. Don't want to step on anybody's toes.
DeleteEverybody's instep on this one. Let me lace this up; my tongue's hanging out. You've suede me--I want this book!!
ReplyDeleteDon't get your aglets in an uproar!
DeleteThere are plenty of Val's fake books to go around. I may be partial, but remember please remember that I poured my SOLE into it! It's the fakest book and author ever faked!
I'll even toss in a packet of that desiccant stuff as an incentive.