The Loft of Hick's BARn, Where Junk Goes to Sigh

Not sure what kind of establishment Hick is planning to add to Shackytown next, but he keeps sending me pictures of his latest finds. Preparing me, perhaps. As if mentioning how he already has two big railroad skids, 6 feet x 16 feet, and just needs to get them started, is not enough of a clue. You don't have to hit VAL over the head with a 6 foot x 16 foot railroad skid to make her wake up and smell the coffee.

Hick might be building a diner. Just sayin'...all evidence points towards a diner. Not that he's come out and said it in so many words. But look at what he bought the same day he got his can/Cain pole:

Don't THAT just beat all? Not only can he put in a diner, but the menu and prices are already set for him. I suppose the thinks THIS short-temper cook will be preparing those dishes, but he'd better think again.

I made the mistake of asking how much he paid for that sign, and Hick replied, "They were two for $10 at the church store next to Dr. John's." You don't even want to know. Really. You don't. I'm sure my best ol' ex-teaching buddy Mabel knows of Dr. John's. Not that she shops there, of course! And I never have, either. But scuttlebutt at the old salt mine was that it's a store for...um...how you say...ADULT toys. So good to know that Hick was not shopping there, but in the church store next door. When questioned on that detail, he replied, "Oh, not a CHURCH store. A thrift shop."

Looks like Val is going to be making a lot of sammiches to sell the tour bus folks at her combined Handbasket Factory/Hick's Shackytown theme park. When she's allowed to take a 15-minute break, nonsmoking Val, rather than stand out back by the dumpster in her hairnet, puffing a coffin nail, will take a load off on the upended wooden soda crate next to the checkerboard-topped pickle barrel, and contemplate who in tarnation could spell braunschweiger correctly, yet not jalapeno. Yes, Val will be a charitable, equal opportunity sammich-server, behind the counter of her backroads diner where Poor Boys and Rich Boys cost the same. Nothing.

Don't you worry about getting your sammich-accompanying beverage in a cup that might spring a leak. Because Hick thoughtfully bought glassware as well. Looks like you'll be able to slake your thirst with Coke or Anheuser Busch products. Oh, wait. One of them sold out. Guess you'll need to drink imported spirits now. Or maybe not! They just bought another company so they can lay off part of their workforce! To make up for it, we will offer you candy from a little jar, and allow you to smoke inside! Not inside the jar. Inside the establishment. Because Hick says that little Texas plate is an ashtray. I don't know what kind of shoeshine box he's been smokin', but that's a collector plate if I ever saw one. Though I could be persuaded to use it as a serving plate, to save money on portions.

Of course I asked what Hick was going to do with two signs like that. And he said, "Put 'em up!" His cover story is that they can go above his PEPSI collection in the BARn loft. Which, last time I was up there, was a COKE collection.

He could at least have had the common decency to buy a COKE sign.