Sunday, October 11, 2015

Hick Would Proudly Like You To Know...

For those of you who snidely well-meaningly jump to Hick's defense at the drop of a trucker cap, pointing the finger suggesting that Val is too critical of him...let the record show that my subject actually LIKES being the subject of my tales. Any attention is better than no attention. This morning he sat down on the short couch to lace up his shoes.

"Since you like writing stories about me, here's one for you. You know my tractor I bought?"

"The $10,000 one?"



"Yeah. I knew when I bought it the steering didn't work--"

"You paid $10,000 for it, KNOWING the steering didn't work?"

"Yeah. I could see that the highway department had tried to patch it. There was as rag tied around it to hold it together--"

"A RAG? What kind of rag?"

"A rag. A shop towel. Tied to hold it in place. I read on the internet that these tractors have this problem. It's from sitting outside. The oil evaporates, and they lock up. I took it apart, after hammering at it to loosen it up. But I couldn't see how to fix it. So I looked online. It costs about a hundred and sixty dollars to get a new part. But it will happen again. So I thought I would keep trying to see if I could fix it."

"So your steering hasn't been working all this time?"

"No. It works. But you turn the wheel and it keeps going straight, and then all at once it will go the way you turned the wheel."

"And you knew this when you bought it?"

"When my Oldest Boy got up on it to drive it on the trailer, he couldn't steer it."

"So that was AFTER you paid for it. You found out you couldn't steer it."

"Anyway, I took apart the steering [box? filter? pump? my mind was only hearing WAH WAH WAH by this time] and found it about 1/3 full of oil!"

"Um. So they put the wrong stuff in it instead of power steering fluid?"

"No. Oil belongs in it. But it was almost empty!"

"Wait. You put oil in where power steering fluid should go?"

"Oil, fluid. It's the same thing: OIL. But nobody calls it power steering oil. They call it power steering fluid."

"So what was the point of the rag? Or shop towel?"

"Oh, that was to hold the steering wheel in position! It's like a car steering wheel. It bevels. Has different positions you can set it to. But this one flops over. You have to hold it. So they tied a rag on it to hold it in place."

"So you're driving down the road with that steering wheel flopping all over the place?"

"No. Because the rag holds it."

"Well, for a hundred and sixty dollars, why don't you just get whatever part you need to make the steering work on a $10,000 tractor?"

"Because I think I can fix it. I already put more fluid in it--"

"You mean oil?"

"Yes. I already put more fluid in it and now it turns when you turn the wheel."

"You know, the real story here is your description of all this. Not the fact that after four months, you have figured out how to make the steering work on your $10,000 tractor."

"Whatever. I just thought you'd want to know that all I had to do was add fluid to make it turn when you turn the wheel."

"Good to know."

Let the record show that Hick is currently gone to an auction. A regular auction. Not one held twice a year by the Missouri Department of Conservation to unload unsteerable tractors.

19 comments:

  1. Well, at least he figured out a way to make it turn when desired.

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    1. Finally. I think this might be how he got off the road and got stuck down by the mailboxes when he was blading the gravel, and had to call The Pony to drive down to help him.

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  2. Does it turn in the direction he was hoping for or has he not narrowed the solution down that far yet?

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    1. Maybe I should have asked that specifically. You never know with the way Hick explains something.

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  3. I'm not sure what the problem is with any of this.

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    1. Which makes me think you drive around holding your steering wheel in place with a rag, turning and turning yet traveling straight.

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    2. If you go right long enough it is the same thing as taking a short left.

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  4. I have a basement full of crap. I'll have to send Hick my address. He can come over with a truck, so I can unload the junk--I mean so he can purchase the treasures.

    And this is big-city crap. Different crap than the country crap he's accustomed to...

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    1. You'll have to work pretty hard to beat that Thomas Jefferson taking a crap.

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  5. Oil is a fluid. A fluid is "a substance that has no fixed shape and yields easily to external pressure.' I'm thinking there's a lot of things like marshmallows, silly putty, denture adhesive and even love handles which could be used to keep that tractor in line.

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    1. Air is also a fluid. So, technically, that steering fluid thingy was 2/3 full of one fluid, and 1/3 full of oil. I'm not even going to tell that to Hick. I think my head might explode.

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  6. Loved this story as one who follows her Hero to auctions and continue to bring things home I laughed out loud. Hi Tran is what we bought yesterday. That is probably what Hick needed:) B

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    1. That may be what Hick needs, but that doesn't mean that's what Hick will put in his tractor. I am reminded of the time he bought an old yellow diesel Mercedes with the intent of running it on used cooking oil that he was going to get from a restaurant. Except after buying the car, he discovered it was not diesel.

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  7. Surfer Dude says WAH WAH WAH a lot too - all I hear is 'directional tyres' WAH WAH WAH - '2nd favourite Harley wheels' WAH WAH WAH - I don't think I've ever actually heard enough for a full blog post though ...

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    1. It's an acquired skill. You have to work your way up to it.

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  8. Oh my, 10 grand tractor that does its own thing, now that is the story.

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  9. I couldn't believe that about air being a fluid. (It's been a long time since my high school science classes.) So I went to The Google. Sure enough. Air is a fluid. But it's not a liquid. And what the Highly Expensive Only Partially Operable Tractor needed was more steering liquid. I guess oil would work though I'd never thought about that before. So, now where's my gold star, teacher?

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    1. Would I lead you astray? No. This is, after all, an educational blog. Your "Au" star is sitting on top of my mailbox, EmBee, waiting for you to pick it up. Good luck. It seems to be a popular "pick up" place.

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