Genius is not with us
this Thanksgiving holiday. He is currently Jack-Torrancing his way through the
week, having been selected as caretaker of 1400 beds at College as one of the
two RAs on duty during the break. I’m not good with details. I believe Genius
has to mind four buildings. My knowledge of the specifics makes me look like an
expert in irony.
I asked Genius if he
had enough food to last the week. It’s not like he has the larder of The
Overlook Hotel to feed on. He survives on the meal ticket that comes with his RAship. He
said that College was giving him $130 for the week. According to Genius, the
math wizard, that’s five dollars per meal, three meals per day, except the last
day, when he only gets to eat twice. However…being quite the entrepreneur,
taking after Val and her proposed handbasket factory pipe dream, Genius
declared that he only needs to eat one meal per day, and is planning on
scamming the extra cash for his electronic ventures.
“Make sure you go to a
buffet! Then you can eat your fill.”
“Oh, I’m not wasting
my money by eating out. There is one other guy on the hall, and we have decided
to go halves on groceries, and cook every night. I’m going shopping later. I
have my Schnuck’s card!”
Genius also said his
old roommate, who transferred to a different college this fall, was coming to
visit. “Well, let’s hope he didn’t regenerate an appendix.” Yeah. Genius spent
the week before break that year taking his roomie to the hospital with
appendicitis.
I’m hoping his
caretaking duty is less than eventful.
“Mom. All I have to do
is make sure nobody burns the place down.”
I guess he's qualified. I hope he doesn't have any residents like a certain blogmaster. You know. The kind who might use pencils for kindling to start a roaring fire in the microwave.
If allows a similar accident, will the school Sioux him?
ReplyDeleteI'm sure the school is in good hands.
ReplyDeleteOne meal a day? Only a college student could pull that off. If I could do that I could lose so much weight! My god, it this works he can sell the rights to a new diet.
ReplyDeleteSLICNEP!
ReplyDeleteNow I get it. I am a little slow on the uptake tonight.
Joeh had better watch out, or a Siouxnami will blow his way and start toppling trees around him.
ReplyDeleteWhat school is he in charge of right now? I'll bet there is a microwave in every dorm room. Plenty of pencil storage space.
SLICNEP? Explain, please.
ReplyDeleteYouth and their dreams. I hope he can score a cheap turkey somewhere.
ReplyDeleteHope he doesn't work too hard keeping a lid on the place. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
ReplyDeletejoeh,
ReplyDeleteLet's hope not. A settlement might come out of my pocket. Right now I'm sitting pretty (aren't I always!) with a bill for - 263 dollars for spring semester.
*****
Stephen,
I hope so. I called him last night at 6:00 because he wouldn't answer a text I sent about a letter for him that came in our mail. Genius answered groggily that he had been TAKING A NAP. He could hardly maintain attention as I read the letter to him.
I suggested that he tie a string around his big toe and run it out under his dorm door. That way, if the building caught fire, the burning string would alert him.
*****
Birdie,
I would be his ghostwriter! Because if my picture was on that diet book, nobody would be buying it.
I knew somebody would get the whole SLICNEP concept.
*****
Sioux,
That could only help the environment. Each toppled tree means fewer pencils for your conflagration.
Genius is in charge of four dorm buildings at COLLEGE. You may have seen it on John Belushi's shirt in Animal House. Okay. That's a fib. It's just down the road from you a couple hours, in a place known for turning out engineers, and not the train kind. Indeed, there may be a microwave in every room, but more microwaves than pencils. Those engineering boys don't use Ticonderogas. They have the fancy schmancy state-of-the-art mechanicals.
Oh dear, Madam. Are you not a frequent reader of The Shining? Have you no concept of REDRUM? I took liberties with that idea. SLICNEP is "pencils" backwards.
*****
Catalyst,
The way that boy pinches pennies to sock away money for electronic gewgaws, I'd say he'll be serving up a Cornish hen for two, with a slice of day-old white bread to share.
******
Leenie,
HEEEERE'S GENIUS!