Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Transgression Number 782,407

Hick has done it again. I know you must be shocked, SHOCKED to hear that he is in hot water over dry green beans.

Yep. Hick was entrusted to put away the leftovers the other night. He grilled some delicious ribeyes on Gassy G, and I simmered up a pot of green beans, potatoes, bacon, and onions. Mmm...I must say they were fantastic. Genius was planning to have seconds after a while, so I left the pan on the stove. All I asked was that either Hick or Genius put the remains in Frig to enjoy at a later date. A simple request.

First cat out of the bag, Hick chose the wrong container. I KNOW! Surely he could psychically discern what container I had in mind. Or even holler down the steps and ask. But no. Not our Hick. Rather than use one of the 89 tall see-through plastic containers left over from take-out Hot & Sour Soup, he chose one of the 3 flat rectangular white plastic trays with a clear top, which used to be given out with Chinese take-out before they switched to the white foam rectangles which they STAPLE shut. Don't get me started.

The thing with the flat container is that we don't have as many. They are good for holding sausages left from a BBQ, or slices of meat loaf, or slabs of ham, or pieces of birthday cake. Things that don't lend themselves to deep round quart containers. WAIT! Were you thinking, perhaps, that Thevictorian family uses real Tupperware? Hahahahaha! Not quite. We only recently graduated from margarine and Cool Whip tubs.

Second cat out of the bag, Hick has no concept of what makes a good leftover. I went to heat up some green beans tonight, and they were DRY. Drier than a snakeskin entwined in a tumbleweed cartwheeling across the cracked hardpan of Death Valley after a ten-year drought. So I said to Hick, "Hey, where's the juice for these green beans?"

"I didn't save any juice. I drained it. There's no juice." Leave it to Hick, lover of soup towers, hater of liquid, to decree by omission that nobody shall enjoy the tasty pot liquor left from simmering green beans and bacon and potatoes and onions for hours to achieve the delightful flavor desirous of a second helping (of VEGETABLES) from a teenage boy.

Yes, Hick left Val liquorless. Made her a broth teetotaler.

It's very bland up here on the wagon.


  1. I say you should make Hick eat those juiceless beans. That would teach him.

  2. No Tupperware? Oh well, Hick would probably just lend it to a panhandler and never get it back.

  3. The pot liquor is the best part.

    Doesn't Hick know that?

  4. Seriously? Mine drains off the barbeque sauce after soaking the meat in
    the pan. That's like dumping the chicken and dumplings gravy down the drain. I hear you!

  5. Stephen,
    Well, I offered. But he said, "No. That's all right. You go ahead. You can eat them." Apparently, he was not in the mood to learn the lesson I was teaching. Or ready to eat what I was dishing out. The gander wanted no part of this goose's goodness.

    Yeah. And THEN where would we be? With nothing to put our blood in to store it in our neighbor's freezer when we withdraw it from the blood bank!

    Hick is unaware of many things. Pot liquor is one of them. Moonshine is not.

    I hate to think how dry your biscuits and gravy must be...

  6. I love those flat rectangular Chinese take out containers! They fit so nicely in the fridge ( we call it the frigatory because that's what Gavin used to call it). You can stack them and they use less space than round containers. I have over 50! If my Chinese restaurant switches to Styrofoam, I will stop getting take-out!

  7. Kathy,
    You are rich in ways that currency cannot touch. I used to have 10 of those flat containers, but Hick kept dropping them and chipping the corners, or leaving them at work after a quick rinse in cold water until mold extended its hyphae into the plastic, or simply threw them away like so much styrofoam.