Sunday, March 30, 2014

He Managed to Capture the Mysterious One-Armed Chair...

Because I'm sure normal folks can never get enough of Hick's Goodwill bargains, I am reprising yesterday's post to fill you in on the rest of the story.

Genius liked this painting, so he paid his part of the $7 the haul cost them, and whisked it away to his dorm room for safekeeping. Because we all know an oil painting ain't safe in a house full of Hicks. Much better to let it take its chances in a suite shared by 4 boy-men who will appreciate it properly.

The child safe that has a combination but doesn't lock was returned to the homestead for proper documentation. Hick LOVES for his junk to be featured on my blog. His GOODWILL junk, people. Stop tittering. I'm not talking about that junk housed by his tighty-whities. Though he would probably enjoy that junk being featured as well. Hick has no shame. And no sense of reality.

The child safe is now locked. Only not really. Because any turn will open it. So nice, I showed it twice.

As you can see, our ample butts have not been plopped in those porch chairs all winter. Porch chairs, which, of course, were not bought retail or wholesale, but picked up from my grandma's estate auction.

And now, the star of the show, the mysterious one-armed chair only used twice by a teenage boy in Backroads, USA. It's not like the boy needs that absent limb. He's left-handed, you know. So why would his left arm need to rest like a lazy lay-about right arm? The back of the chair is mesh, and Genius can lean back like a quasi-recliner. I don't know if the chair is meant to do that on purpose, but Genius says it's comfy.

We had to move it away from his built-in desk lovingly crafted by his father, because its position in front of his double window caused a glare on the phone camera. And seriously, that green wall behind his built-in trophy shelves actually DOES go with his monochromatic gray stripe theme on the other two walls. That's because his sheets are that same chartreuse hue. Genius is much more artsy than the rest of us. Just don't choose him for your team in a Pictionary tournament, because his strength lies in photography, not pencil sketches. In fact, his walls are covered with more photos (snapped by him) than the backyard shed walls of Russell Crowe as John Nash in A Beautiful Mind.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I must go break the news to Hick that there will be no cabbage juice in his future, for his new-found bargain gadget is not a cabbage juicer at all, but a less-exotic potato ricer. Maybe he'll hold interviews and hire one of you enlighteners to be his sidekick on his proposed television program, "One Man's Junk." Lookout, American Pickers.


  1. You can pick your junk, but you can't pick another man's junk.

    (I like the painting, too.)

  2. I forgot to mention. I loved the show (David Jansen, wasn't it?) and I loved the movie.

  3. You sure ended up with a bunch of "whatever"--& for ONLY $7!!

  4. Thanks for posting a picture of the painting. My curiosity was eating away at me.

  5. That painting is intriguing...there bust be a some good junk back behind the barn. Ha-ha Hick mistook a potato ricer for a cabbage juicer...don't know who's funnier, you or him.

  6. "One Man's Junk" is a scathingly brilliant title for a Backroads Picker Show!

  7. Sioux,
    Speak for yourself, Madam! I care not to know how many men's junk you attempted to pick before you reached that conclusion. I'm sure it was a strictly-controlled scientific experiment. However, perhaps you should schedule a re-viewing of "A League of Their Own." Pay particular attention to the scene where the girls of summer are being instructed in the rules of etiquette.

    A lady reveals nothing.

    I did not watch the show, but my mom liked it. I never saw the movie, but I do like Tommy Lee Jones. Especially as Doolittle Lynn in "A Coal Miner's Daugher" and Woodrow F. Call in "Lonesome Dove."

    Technically, none of it is mine. The guys DID get some bargains. I don't know what they plan to do with them, except for sitting on the one-armed chair, and gazing at the painting.

    It's better than that wooden mask Hick bought one night at the auction, and sent The Pony down the steps with it over his face, scaring the bejeebers out of me when his footsteps woke me up from a recliner nap.

    My curiosity is still eating away at me. I can't even tell if that's a watercolor, or some fancy oily acrylic tubey painty kind of medium, or if it was whipped up in an hour or two while watching that Bob Ross guy on TV. Those do not look like happy little clouds.

    If you ever run out of great master painters, perhaps you could enlighten us on the opinion of the artistic community concerning Bob Ross.

    Shh...don't let Sioux hear that there's good junk behind the barn.

    I will take a stab at your "funny" bone of contention, and say that I am funnier "ha-ha," and Hick is funnier "peculiar."

    Or a Backroads Stripper Show.

  8. I like the painting. That would be cool if you took it to Antique Roadshow and found out it was a lost Van Gogh. Or the chair. Maybe he had bad aim when he went for that ear.

  9. Tammy,
    I guess maybe you should get out and do some Goodwill hunting before the Hicks invade the city. That could have all been yours, you know. You could at this very moment be sipping cabbage juice squeezed through your potato ricer.

  10. Only $7. You can't go to a movie and buy popcorn nowadays without a second mortgage. Cheap entertainment for Hick

  11. Kathy,
    Very cheap. I'm sure he shook down Genius for his share.