Thursday, July 11, 2013

No Wonder I Have a Headache

The universe is now working 24/7 to earn triple time for conspiring against me.

I had internet issues most of last evening. And by internet issues, I mean I HAD NO INTERNET! Even Genius could not figure it out. It finally started working again on its own. No doubt after the universe had a good chuckle after toying with me.

I had a horrible dream that something happened to my sweet, sweet Juno. Something by my own hand. I cannot even put it into words. Think: The Yearling. And after it was over, the person who told me to do it said, "Well, if you'd asked, you probably could have substituted a different dog." Yikes! Such a nightmare.

I woke up with a pulsing headache in my above-eye sinus region. It is just now beginning to fade.

The worst fly in the ointment of my life is the plan of the county highway department to resurface a bridge just past my turn-off. That means the main road will be closed, and hordes of bad drivers will be barreling along my blacktop county road for two months. The road that is barely wide enough for two cars. It is the official detour. The highway department put up their signs today. This fresh not-heaven will start on Monday morning. I can't even begin to imagine what incidents will occur at the one-lane, first-come-first-across low-water bridge. A simple trip to town will be like morning and evening rush all rolled into one with a game of bridge-chicken thrown in for fun.

I am not yet ready to wean myself from my daily 44 oz. Diet Coke. There's still relaxin' time left before school starts. This old ox is unwilling to don the yoke of responsibility at this juncture. I just want an easy route to civilization for my magical elixir. Oh, for the carefree days of driving to the movies to rub elbows with cellophane-rustlers and soda-dumpers and stale-popcorn-dispensers.

You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone.


  1. Feelin' a little Joni, are we?

    I think your three boys should chip in and buy a fountain soda dispenser for you, so you can have fountain Diet Cokes without even having to leave your house.

    You can position it close to you, and when you want a shot, just wheel your chair over to it and squirt the line into your mouth.

    It would make the perfect gift.

  2. Oh, I think Sioux has the perfect solution!

  3. Two months for this detour will pass quickly. Hang in there.

  4. Sioux,
    Yes, because every day my paradise inches one step closer to becoming a parking lot.

    Let's be reasonable. We can't jump to a perfect-gift soda fountain from a not-so-perfect-gift $3.00 pink change purse in a single leap.

    Sioux knows that if she doesn't offer a solution in every comment, I will accuse her of being part of the problem.

    The two months will not pass quicker than the traffic. A 35 mph speed limit sign was hammered into the ground yesterday. In the same place as the last one that was uprooted within a week.

    The problem is that the road is too narrow for heavy two-lane traffic. Like today, when I encountered a dump truck pulling a trailer with a backhoe, a truck and horse trailer combo, and a dually truck with a cattle trailer. I can't wait for the haywagons with the big round bales.

    People who live out here have the sense to slow way down and balance two tires on the edge of the pavement. The hurry-up late-for-work detourers may just ram into us or force somebody off the road. Then our goose is cooked until the accident is cleared.