Monday, July 22, 2013

My Early Warning System Has a Few Bugs

Some people use NOAA weather radio, some people use weather alert apps, some people use local television stations to warn them of approaching inclement weather. I use my mom. She's as good as any other warning system. I don't even have to continuously monitor her. She calls me when the atmosphere heats up. Saturday afternoon, for instance.

"I guess you know that there is sss nick heh heh let me try again. There's sss nick... Oh! I'll get it out, there's..."

"What are you trying to tell me? NCIS? St. Nick? Stop laughing!"

"I'm just trying to let you know that sss nick...sss nick...there's weather coming your way."

"What is it? A tornado? We're already in the basement."

"No, it's not a tornado. It's couple of other counties now, but there's sss nick...sss nick...There's thunderstorms headed your way with sss nick... This is terrible! I can't get it out! Wind! There's wind!"

"Excuse me, Ma'am, what's that you say? I couldn't hear you, because I just perished from high winds blowing me out of my house. If only I'd had some kind of warning, I might still be okay."

"Oh! Now you've got me tickled! I'm trying to tell you that thunderstorms with...sss nick...SIGNICKICANT WINDS are headed your way!"

"Well. The least you could have done was tell me sooner, in case I needed to take cover."

"Hehehehehe! Oh! I can't breathe! Stop it! I was only trying to tell you to look out for the wind."

"Thanks, Mom. We'll keep an eye on it."

"All right. I'll call you back if it gets worse."

I really shouldn't tease her like that. But I think she enjoys a good laugh at least once a day. Today, for instance, we rehashed last night's episode of Big Brother. Mom is a fanatic. We laughed at the contestant named GinaMarie, who was shown on a loop butchering a plethora of words such as auburn, disguise, despise, and a few she flat-out made up. Mom laughed and laughed, carrying on about GinaMarie, and whether she really messed up those words, or if she was just putting on for the camera.

I didn't have the heart to correct Mom every time she mentioned AnneMarie.


  1. With your mom keeping you informed about the weather you don't have to suffer through those long and tedious weather forecasts on TV. Hopefully your mom, even without Dopler radar, is more accurate than the bozos on TV.

  2. Your subtle humor is well-timed and your deliberate humor is timeless. I can hear all the snickering!

  3. Sioux,
    Quite possibly. Though Mom has stopped short of referring to GinaMarie's self-proclaimed paramour, who was voted out a couple of weeks ago, as "Donald Hollinger."

    She is surprisingly accurate. I think she views all local networks, plus The Weather Channel, and compiles and computes data subconsciously. It's only a problem trying to spout it out intelligibly.

    Mom was still snickering over it last night, when I mentioned it again. NO EIGHT DOLLARS in MY future!