At the risk of providing too much information ("TMI, Mom!" as Genius used to scream at me), I will share a slice of Thevictorian life from Sunday. BUT FIRST, as Julie Chen is noted for saying on every episode of Big Brother... you may want to do some supplemental reading to grasp the gravity of the possible situation. This gives you background info, a tale from my supersecret blog last week: The Great Laundry-Room-Freezer Archaeological Dig of '21.
Sunday, for lunch, I tried a tiny sliver of that unearthed fruitcake that is pre-2016. It has been frozen all these years, in its original see-through wrapper, inside its metal can. It might even be from earlier than that. But I threw caution to the wind, like Elaine eating J. Peterman's $29,000 slice of wedding cake from the royal union of King Edward VIII and Wallis Simpson.
Hick, who purported all along that this fruitcake would still be good, and who snobbily declares that he is not a fan of fruitcake, said he would try a bite. So I pinched off a piece from my slice, sans red or green fruit, and delivered it to him. I took my lunch down to my lair before I could ask him for a review. Or see if he croaked.
For supper, I fried some of the FREE December-20-expired Angus hamburgers from the Ponytail Guy. The Pony mixed up a concoction of special sauce containing ketchup, garlic aioli, and garlic wing sauce to add to his pepper-jacked burger. Hick went with pepper jack and onions and pickles. I chose havarti cheese, mayo, onion, and pickle. We all agreed that the burgers had a good taste.
"You know, if we all get food poisoning, we'll know that we shouldn't have eaten the burgers. But if you and I get it, and The Pony doesn't, then we'll know we shouldn't have eaten the fruitcake."
Feeding time for Thevictorians. Kind of like a murder mystery/science experiment mash-up.
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Let the record show that Hick was RAVING about the fruitcake.
"That fruitcake was really good!"
"It's on the bottom shelf in its can. Feel free to have it whenever you want. But realize that fruitcake is not like a regular cake. You don't want a whole cake-sized slice. A little bit of fruitcake goes a long way."
Yes. Here it is, ON THE RECORD. I will not be an accomplice to murder by fruitcake.
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Fruitcake has an unlimited shelf life, but there is no reason for it to last that long, if you do not want it, pass it on to someone who is not an antifruitcakeite...like me!!
ReplyDeleteYou would have to allow it to age another month or two during shipping! I have not had good luck with the mail going to the east coast. And by "east coast," I mean Pittsburgh. Close enough, according to my vast knowledge of geography.
DeleteIt's good to know that you are NOT an antifruitcakeite, and would never wrap pieces of it in Gramma Mimma's napkins and stuff them into your coat pockets, to risk being chased by dogs on the street.
Expired meat will not always kill you, as you found out. I have never seen fruitcake in a can. But, I am glad you are all alive.
ReplyDeleteThank your for taking joy in my LIFE! The expired meat smelled really good, but lacked a little in taste. I know that frozen meat is not as delicious as fresh. But when this cooked, it reminded me of Walmart meat, which has water added, and is not as flavorful as the hamburger I buy at Save A Lot.
DeleteYou can tell a difference in the look of the grease that cooks out, that I soak up with bread for the dogs, and also to prevent grease popping. This had bubbles in it, like the Walmart water meat. Real grease doesn't have bubbles.
One of the supermarkets near me sells a particularly nice dark fruit cake which I love so much I've had to stop buying it because I eat so much of it. I've even tried slicing and freezing, but knowing a slice will thaw in the time it takes to make a cup of coffee was my downfall. A kilogram of this cake per week for a month or so saw me unable to button up several things. I haven't bought any for two years now and can once again pull on my denim shorts without undoing the button or zip first.
ReplyDeleteI will save your clothing-fit by NOT sending you any of my expired fruitcake! This fruitcake is also dark. I guess the monks at Assumption Abbey really know how to make a fruitcake!
DeleteToo funny.
ReplyDeleteYes, now that I've SURVIVED!
DeleteBill gave the fruitcake he recived from work to the OLD drunk next door. He took one bite and threw it out in the yard. When we saw him the next day, he said even the wild animals couldn't eat the candied fruit, there was a pile of it in his driveway.
ReplyDeleteOH, the FRUITMANITY! That's the best part!
DeleteI like a good fruitcake. HeWho always swears he doesn't like fruitcake, but is always willing to try a piece. just in case his taste buds have changed. It is the citron he doesn't like, not appreciating the sweet/sour combo of flavor. He likes for me to make a special cake just for him with only the red and green cherries and candies pineapple, no citron. I find it to be too sweet so I just don't make it anymore.
ReplyDeleteI guess HeWho talked himself out of an occasional fruitcake!
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