Val Finds It Incredibly Difficult To Do the Right Thing

A sorrier mail delivery service I have never seen than the Backroads dead-mouse-smelling post office.

Is it not enough that the Saturday carrier jams the mail all willy-nilly down the throat of EmBee, making it virtually unreadable? And that on rainy days, it seems as if the carrier stirs the mail around in the creek before stuffing it in EmBee's gullet and leaving her mouth gaping open? Or that the carrier left a package (he said) sitting on top of EmBee's wooden condo roof, which disappeared within two hours (even though it was an Amazon box containing Clearasil for Genius)?

I might have mentioned that mail has disappeared in the past. My back-to-school itinerary. A couple of electric bills. A couple of phone bills. If the status quo continues, Val Thevictorian will owe every creditor a late fee! And might be locked up for missing jury duty!

Here's the deal. Ever since those bills were lost, and I didn't think to pay what I didn't get...I kind of keep a running record in my mind of what checks I've sent out. I know what time of month most of them trickle in. I check back to see what date I paid the last one. And last week, I realized it was THAT TIME OF THE MONTH! The time the credit card bill comes. It usually shows up around the 25th. I have the check for the full amount in the mail by the 1st. But this time, I waited. And waited. And didn't get it.

I searched the house high and low, in case The Pony had set it somewhere and I carelessly overlooked it. Nope. No credit card bill. I called the automated number to see if it had been sent out. Yep. It told the current balance, and the last statement balance. The payment is due by the upcoming 18th. So Sunday I ordered a copy of the statement from that automated number, which was supposed to arrive within 10-12 business days. It got here today. Just a statement off a Xerox. Not a fancy perforated return portion with an envelope. I didn't want a regular envelope without a barcode to get lost in the mail room. So I called to make a payment.

Do you know how hard it is to give someone your money? Everything is automated. And the catch is, that automaton sets up your account to withdraw payment automatically each month from you checking account. That ain't happenin' to Val Thevictorian! No sirree, Bob! While it's true that I pay off the balance each month, I do NOT want Chase deciding that for me. I waited and waited for other options. AND THE AUTOMATON HUNG UP ON ME! Just because I wouldn't choose one of its choices!

I called back and waited to talk to a person. Uh huh. None of this "Your call MAY be monitored" business. My call said that "This call WILL be recorded." Before they even knew what I was going to do! You'd think I had a note in my permanent record. Or in my medical file saying that I was DIFFICULT!

I got a sweet little gal with an American name and an American accent. Go ahead and politically-incorrect-shame me. I was pleased as punch that we spoke the same language. My plan was to pay by debit card, but Kristi wanted my routing number and account number. I emphasized that this was a ONE-TIME payment. That I did NOT want my account changed. I still wanted to (actually) receive my paper bill each month. She agreed. She repeated my account numbers. And asked me to verify that I approved the electronic withdrawal. Uh huh. She may have wanted a record for Chase. But I have a record that it was a ONE-TIME deal. Not like that DISH installer who switched me to paperless billing without asking, back when he added and installed internet to our account.

Oh, and I called the circuit clerk's office twice to find out if I was scheduled for arrest for not showing up jury duty next week. Or the week after. Of course you know how phone calls to those government agencies go. I called after my lunch, at 11:20, and was told that the lady who checks that was not available. I asked when was a good time to call. The gal said, "Well, she goes to lunch from 11:30 to 12:30." You don't say! I wonder where she goes from 11:20 to 11:30? Anyhoo...I called back at 3:00, and she looked it up. and I am not scheduled for jury for the next two weeks.

I want to make a citizen's arrest on the mail carrier, for destroying government property (MY MAIL) and theft of the same.

One should not have to make numerous long-distance calls (because one's cell phone gets poor reception at work and at home) to gather information that should have been left at the end of a mile-long gravel road.