Today was dark and
gloomy. I hate it when a local school bus is ahead of me. They have a blinding
white strobe light on top. It was especially annoying this morning.
“Look at this guy, pulling out right in front of me. He could have
waited. There’s nothing behind. Now I have to have that flashing light burning
out my retinas. I swear. I think that’s going to give me a seizure. If you
can’t see a giant yellow school bus with all those reflectors painted on it, I
don’t think a strobe light is going to do much to help you. And look at THIS
guy! That dump truck is going to cut into my lane as we go through the light.
You just watch.”
“The ‘Stay Back 300
Feet’ sign is one of the most ignored instructions. Along with ‘Do Not Eat Raw
Cookie Dough.’”
“If I stay back 300 feet, I can’t read that sign! I can’t even see
where it that sign is! I never knew they put that on a school bus.”
“Um. It’s NOT. It’s on
that dump truck.”
“Oh. I was so busy DRIVING, making sure he didn’t cut in front of me, and blinded by that strobe light on top of the bus, I didn’t see the sign.”
“Oh. I was so busy DRIVING, making sure he didn’t cut in front of me, and blinded by that strobe light on top of the bus, I didn’t see the sign.”
“Well, the 72 kids
aren’t going to fall out of the back of the bus and give you a flat tire. But
what’s in the dump truck might.”
“Okay. I got it. I thought you were talking about the bus.”
After another couple
of miles, The Pony again gifted me with his wisdom. He was telling me about an
online test he took for some biology subjects, and how he was ranked 20 out of
5965 in the nation, but how only three schools in Missouri are participating.
“Those people in my
class coming back from the junior college tour interrupted me. I thought they would be
gone all of third hour, but they came back in the middle! I couldn’t
concentrate. They were being loud.”
“There you go, blaming someone else.”
“Um. I got a 14/15 on
the first two tests, and a 9/15 on the one when they came in. And it pEEnalizes
you if you take a longer time! I took the first two in under three minutes.”
“Penalize.”
“Actually, the correct
pronunciation is pEEnalize. Like in Missoui’s pEEnal system.”
“Nobody says it that way around here.”
“They should! It’s
funny.”
Heh, heh. Looks like
The Pony is a 17-year-old chip off Val’s 13-year-old-self block.
Pony is a kick in the pants!!
ReplyDeleteSometimes The Pony NEEDS a kick in the pants!
DeleteAnd you'd get pee-nalized for holding his two balls in your hand.
ReplyDelete20th out of 5965? That's mighty impressive.
Hick needs to be pEEnalized for running over Genius's package on the floor of the garage!
DeleteThat is kind of impressive, unless you know that he comes by this knowledge naturally, having scored 800 on his SAT Molecular Biology subject test on October 3.
If memory serves, seventeen year olds can really try one's patience.
ReplyDeleteThe Pony has been trying my patience lately, but not nearly as much as Genius used to. And still is. Apparently, some of them never outgrow it.
DeleteI am having trouble with material, I need me a stay at home teenager.
ReplyDeleteYes you do. Or maybe you could start shopping at Walmart. Or find a good gas station that sells chicken. Or become a polygamist and marry a man like Hick. At the very least, get a flu shot...
DeletePolygamist? I'd have to pull a Bruce Jenner.
DeleteJust think of all the magazine covers! However, if you simply became a polygamist, you could get a TV show. Come to think of it, you could get a TV show WITH the magazine covers in the first option.
DeleteYou two make a great team. You should go on the road. Oh yeah you already are. Congrats to the Pony.
ReplyDeleteI could sit him on my knee, put my hand up the back of his shirt, and drink a glass of water while he pontificates on the proper pronunciation of pEEnalization.
DeleteI will pass on your congrats. By "pass on," I mean I will tell The Pony about them. Not that I've had enough, and I decline to inform him.
Your boy is a real genius. Back roads driving doesn't compare to driving g highway 270.
ReplyDeleteHe's a smarty. He's getting lots of college offers from out of state that proclaim he could get a full ride. However...do they offer a strong education in his field of study? And is he ready to move far away? Magic 8 Ball says "very doubtful."
DeleteI am having palpitations just thinking about driving on 270. Sometimes I have to close my eyes when Hick drives it. I used to do fine, even when 55 widened to five or six lanes on my way to the Loughborough exit. Now the back roads are more my speed.
We won't even talk about the time I had to go to overnight training out by the airport, and drive myself there from our office on South Broadway, at 5:00 on a Friday, using the REVERSIBLE LANES!
I just hope his low standing in that third test didn't get him a PEE-nal-tee.
ReplyDeleteThat would certainly be bad news, and perhaps a HAR-bringer of things to come. Yeah. It's how he pronounces harbinger. As in robins and spring.
Delete