Pardon me. I am not a woman of the world. The extent of Val's travels are Montana to the north, Massachusetts to the east, Florida to the south, and Alaska to the northiest and west. But I must protest this fish-trap theory. Backroads is not so backward that its folks have not heard of a fishing pole. Yep. Even if it's a piece of twine tied to the end of a cane pole, we are privy (heh, heh, I said privy) to that newfangled method of harvesting our scaly friends from the drink. It's not like we're one big Dogpatch where our denizens dip into muddy pools near submerged logs at undercut banks, sticking our fists into holes to noodle for catfish. Nor do we chase along the shallow rapids like awkward hairless bears, grabbing salmon with our front paws. In fact, we do not even club halibut if they jump into the boat unsolicited. No, we are up-to-date on all the latest fishing lore and lure.
Neither are we those Naked and Afraid people left in the wilderness for 21 days with no food or water to sink or swim. They may have need for such a fish trap, but we Backroadsians do not. I wonder about the fine people of New Jersey, where the Fish Trap Theorist resides. Surely the citizens do not wander about, naked and afraid. Naked, maybe, after a few too many dirty-water cocktails. But I doubt they are afraid. Is this how they catch fish in New Jersey? My Magic 8 Ball says, "My sources say no."
Besides...it would take a mighty big fish to knock over this fence post of a stick. And then it would be crushed by that hefty Bedrock fish-smasher.
No. I do not think it is a fish trap here in Backroads. More like a marker to steer ne'er-do-wells in a certain direction for their ne'er-do-wellian activities. It is clearly visible from the county blacktop road.
I wish I was wrong. But the conspiracy theorist in me says I'm not.
Well for a simple guess I have insulted the Victorian. It is not as if I suggested anyone outside the NYC area would catch fish by cherry bomb or even worse an ammonia dosage. I suggested a possibly ingenious fish trap although in retrospect only an idiot would think it could work.
ReplyDeleteAnyway I accept my Blog Flogging and will think twice in the future before slighting the good people of Valedictorian land.
Still the question goes begging, "What the Sam Hill is that thing?"
Now if you had suggested such a structure on land to be a rabbit or squirrel trap, I might have let you slide. I commend you for seeing the error of your ways. My faux indignation has been replaced by the warm glow of vindication.
DeleteYou sophisticated east-coasters, with your cherry bombs and ammonia! Around here "telephoning fish" used to be all the rage. Not that I ever tried it, of course. That's illegal! Here's some info, just so you never do it accidentally, should you run out of cherry bombs and ammonia:
http://www.netplaces.com/fishing/angling-laws-and-etiquette/illegal-equipment.htm
Ha! I know the identity of your friend in New Jersey. I think he was being polite. This trap was obviously set to capture illusive backwoods valedictorians.
ReplyDeleteStephen,
DeleteI see that you are not a squealer. Perhaps lesser backwoods valedictorians could be tricked by this contraption, what with nosing around it, trying to figure out its purpose. But not THIS VALedictorian!
You have to get up pretty early in the morning and use more than a big stick and a heavy rock to fool Val Thevictorian. Now if you offer her some mainland acreage in England...she might be tricked.
What kind of shady activities is going on in Backroads? Cheating at Tiddlywinks? Shorting people on their chicken wings at the gas station? Selling less-than-fresh meat at the auction?
ReplyDeleteSioux,
DeleteI think there's a black-market ring picking up packages left on top of mailboxes. They all gather down in the holler and have a hillbilly Christmas. Which is only slightly different from the traditional hillbilly Christmas of tax refund day.