The Red-Porched StepFlip

Hick just HAD to have Lap House, the flip that some guy called him about, which wasn't even listed. So we bought it in March. Hick puttered around a bit with it, cleaning out the basement, and making plans. THEN he heard about the auction of Cheap House on the courthouse steps, and over-ruled me (with his minion The Pony) to buy it. The Cheap House deal was officially done on June 1st. Since then, Hick has devoted most of his time (not taken by his business or his Harem or his just over $300 a month apartment managing job and side jobs) to Cheap House. It seems like forever, but has only been not-quite three months.

Anyhoo... poor Lap House finally got its red porch painted black. And a new porch and partial roof. And an HVAC system. All things that were needed, but not really done by Hick. He hasn't forgotten Lap House. Just doted on Cheap House. Until a couple days ago, when he sent me a picture:

That's a nice addition. Hick called them "blocks," but he's been talking about yard pavers getting moved from Cheap House over to Lap House. I think this must be them. They give a walkway from the front sidewalk, and the side sidewalk. Such a path would be a nightmare for me, but surefooted people will surely like having something to step on besides bare lawn. Especially after a rain.

I asked if this would make mowing harder. Hick says it will not. That a mower can go right over them, and then you just have to weed-eat around the edges.

Hick isn't supposed to be lifting anything over 20 pounds since his surgery on the 13th. I asked how these pavers got from Cheap House to Lap House. A distance of about 2 miles. He said, "On the back of my truck. HOS hauled them over and put them down." Which I was glad to hear, because according to Hick, each paver weighs around 50-60 pounds.

Anyhoo... now Hick needs to put that siding back on the corner of Lap House where he had it off to install the new electrical service. He might need to delegate that to Old Buddy or HOS. I don't know if Hick is cleared for ladder-climbing.

Will the Real Pink Flowering Tree Please Stand Up

You may recall that Lap House has a tree in the front yard, with pink flowers. Not a lot of flowers. I don't know my trees or my flowers. The only pink flowering tree I know is a mimosa. Their leaves are distinctive, and the flowers all wispy. My grandma had several mimosas, and this tree is not it!

I went by Lap House for another picture out T-Hoe's window. You can see there are several flowers, but not a lot. It's not like a redbud tree, or a flowering dogwood (our state tree!). You can see that this one has a double trunk.

I tried to get a closeup of some flowers. My phone wasn't very cooperative. But I DID manage to zoom in on this photo to get one particular blossom.

I consulted my estranged BFF Google, and found a link for "45 Pink Flowering Trees (With Pictures): Identification Guide." 

I scrolled and scrolled. I think HIPPIE shut down twice from overheating. And then, on the 45th tree (ain't that always how it goes?) I think I identified this tree!

Pink Flowering Rose of Sharon. Also called Hibiscus syriacas. 

What do you think? It was the single blossom that fished me in. Also, I could see that the trunk(s) and leaves remind me of a shrub. Plus, it is blooming in the summer.

Anyhoo... it's a pleasant-looking tree to have in a front yard.

Another Photographer, Another View

Here's another view of the front of Lap House. The Pony took this one, as we drove down the block on Errand Day. I parked across the street by the elderlies apartment building, and The Pony took it out my window.

I am just loving the look of this! Hick says he will probably paint the wooden support posts black. He's not sure of the color, but he won't leave them as bare wood.

I don't know what kind of tree that is on the left, but it has pink flowers on it! Anyhoo... I just wanted to show this view of Lap House, because it never occurs to Hick that he can walk across the street, rather than down to the corner stop sign to get a full picture.

Again, here's a reminder of the "before" shape of Lap House when we bought it:

That tall pipe is gone. Might have been a flue of some kind, for gas heat. And the mailbox hanging on the rail. I'm not sure what Hick will do about that old TV antenna behind the tree. And the roof has been re-shingled.

To me, it looks like a different house!

What a Difference a Paint Makes

Hick hired HOS (Hick's Oldest Son) to paint the base of the porch and the foundation of Lap House. They were going to do it last week, but HOS got sick in the heat, and could not. Funny how Hick told me this when it happened, but he had not yet bought the paint that showed up on the receipt he gave me yesterday. Maybe they had to pre-treat the area, or maybe Hick already had a little of the paint from another job. Anyhoo... HOS was feeling better yesterday, on an even hotter day, and got the job done.

I gotta say, that's a nice-looking front porch! Hick still has to replace the siding at the corner of the house, where he removed it to install the new electrical entrance. Here's a zoom-in so you can see more detail of the porch:

You can see here that the rail is no longer red, white, and blue. I'm not sure if Hick is going to paint or stain those support beams. Looks like a bit of soffit has been added to trim out the porch roof. This looks like a shady place to sit with a beverage and survey the neighborhood. Much better than what it was before.

I'm not sure if Hick will be replacing the two front windows. For sure he is going to put black fake shutters on each side. He says black now, but if the window trim is white, I could see white working just as well.

Now, if we could only get to work on the inside, where nothing has been done save cleaning out the basement to allow for the HVAC installation. And by "we," I mean Hick, Old Buddy, and HOS.

Back to the Front Porch

Hick's Roof Guy and his crew got back to work on the Lap House porch and shingles on Monday. Hick sent me a picture on Tuesday. But you know Hick's picture style.

"Not finished yet but getting closer."

I was shocked that it wasn't Hick's usual panoramic view, with a tiny subject in the center of the photo. This was an extreme closeup. I suppose I'm looking at the underneath side of the boards that comprise the new front porch. I would imagine that up above, there is plywood decking, and possible shingles.

On Wednesday, I got another picture from Hick.

"Looks pretty good."

Yes. It looks good, though this angle makes either the house or porch look all cattywompus and warped. Hick says, "There's really not a good place to take a picture from." Well. If you count a wide street with no traffic, and a sidewalk across the corner, and an apartment parking lot across the street to be not good places.

The Pony and I drove by on Thursday, and it looks great! Of course we forgot to get a picture. Eventually, we'll have one. After all, Hick managed to get a picture of the front of the house when he first bought it.

Yes. That's Hick's USUAL picture style. So I zoomed in for you:

I think the porch has done wonders for the appearance of Lap House. Then again, you need a comparable full-frontal picture to compare it.

We'll work on that. At this point, a picture seems more likely to be squeezed out of Hick than any actuall work on this house!

AND... We Have Construction

Looks like those construction materials left beside Lap House were for the porch. The NEW porch! You may recall that the porch was not an asset for Lap House. Just a block of concrete. Not even a tiny eave to shield the rain from your head as you unlocked the front door. Not to mention the color.

Hick decided Lap House needs a roof on that porch. To make it a nice sitting area, and improve the curb appeal. The color will be resolved later, when we're almost ready to list Lap House for sale. Though I WILL caution Hick to get it done before freezing weather sets in.

Hick sent a picture of the progress Thursday afternoon:

It's true to Hick's photography style, you see. He might as well have taken it while standing on the moon. In fact, this is a zoomed-in view! There was a lot of front yard, sidewalk, and street, with Old Buddy on the sidewalk. 

Here's a zoom of the zoom:

NOW I see what The Pony was trying to explain to me, when I didn't understand the long-distance view. The rafters for the porch are in place! This picture was around 2:30. At 4:00, Hick sent another:

I think this porch improves the looks of the house a lot. Even though it's not finished yet. I can imagine sitting on the front porch. Perhaps in a rocking chair, heh, heh, shaking my fist at random kids who chase a ball into the yard.

Finishing the porch and putting shingles on it, and the front roof, shouldn't take too long. Then maybe Hick will get to work inside...

The Materials Have Arrived. Let's Construct.

Hick sent me a text Wednesday afternoon, and a picture from the side of Lap House.

"All the materials setting here for roof and porch but no work yet."

Well. At first glance, I assumed it was a picture of the yard. You know, Hick being proud to show off that he mowed it. And put fallen limbs out of the way. By reading his text, I understood that the shingles and lumber were the subject of the picture, in Hick's panoramic photography style.

Hick's Roofing Guy is going to build a porch on the porch. A real porch, with a roof tied into the front of the house. Hick will be painting the foundation a different color. Probably changing the porch rails as well. Only the front part of the roof needs new shingles.

I don't blame Roofing Guy for not having started the work yet. I wouldn't want to be sweating on a hot shingle roof with the heat index at 115. This day was "cool," with the temperature "only" at 90 degrees. Hick says the plan is for Roofing Guy to start the work on Thursday.

I think a front porch roof will make quite a positive change for Lap House's curb appeal.

Lap House Needs Help, But Hick is Powerless

Poor Lap House is the neglected stepchild of The(flipping)Victorians. Not by their choice! Hick has put in new electric, and is waiting on the electric company to come run wires from the pole to the house.

"How long have you been waiting on the electric company?"

"The last email I got was on June 2nd, when I asked my buddy who works for them. The inspector. He approved my work, and put in a service order. On June 2nd, he said he didn't know how long it would be. That he had put in the order a week before that. But they are behind on service calls."

"What exactly are they going to do?"

"Run the wire from the pole to the house."

"If you hadn't put in new electric, would they need to do anything?"

"No. If I'd left it the same, it would still be working. But they have to connect it with the new kind of wire. The old kind was three separate wires. They could short theirselves out. The new kind has the three wires wrapped around a grounding rod. So it won't short."

"When did they start using this NEW kind of wire?"

"Oh... back in the '70s."

"Heh, heh! That's not so new! I guess this house is like The Pony's house down the block, built around 1920?"

"Yeah. It's from back then."

Meanwhile, Hick waits. He needs electricity to run his saws to get started on the interior of Lap House.

Thevictorians Decline to be Equalized

A couple weeks ago we got a letter, addressed to Hick, me, and The Pony. It was from the County Board of Equalization. A single page, yet quite nosy!

*****************************************************************

This office has noted your recent purchase of real property at the following location: 

(Please note if incorrect)

Lap House, Sis-Town

We would appreciate your supplying the information requested below. All information is used for over-all studies of property in the County and becomes public information.

1. This property is: (please check all that apply)

___ Single Family Residence

___ Duplex

___ Triplex

___ Apartment Unit (4 or more)

___ Store or Office

___ Industrial Plan

___ Warehouse

___ Vacant Lot

___ Farm Unit

___ Other

2. What was the purchase price? ______________ Purchase date? _________

3. Were there any unusual circumstances involved in the sale, such as:

(  ) Yes   (  ) No   The property was purchased from a relative

(  ) Yes   (  ) No   The property was purchased through foreclosure.

(  ) Yes   (  ) No   The property was purchased through an estate.

4. No. of bedrooms _____ No. of baths ______ (Do not include basement rooms)

5. Basement:  Yes ___ No___ Walk out ___ Walk up___ Interior Only ___

6. Basement finish? (  ) Yes   (  ) No   If yes, please list number of:

___ Family rooms  ___ Bedrooms   ___ Bathrooms

7. Fireplace: Yes (  )   No (  )  If yes: 

# of fireplaces ___ Gas/Electric ___ Wood-burning ___

8. If any property other than real estate (furniture, livestock, etc.) was included, 

what was the value of that property? ______

9. Comments?

Date: _________________   Signed: __________________________________

*******************************************************************

Also note that the letter was dated 5/15/26.

Listed the Parcel Number of the property

Date Acquired: 3/19/26

Book/Page: [number]

Obviously, there are records that we purchased Lap House. They know when. They know which property. I'm sure there is a record of the price, since we closed at a local title company.

Hick, The Pony, and I all agree that there is no need to fill this out. It will likely increase the county taxes on this property. We won't have it long enough for that to really matter to us. The kicker is the part that this will BECOME PUBLIC INFORMATION. Nobody needs to know who we got this property from, and if anything else (cough, cough, white truck...) was included. The basic info is recorded at the courthouse, should anybody want to dig it up.

You know how hard it was for me to resist only filling out the COMMENTS section, right?

Last Minute Info Before the Cheap House Auction

Thursday morning at Thevictorian Central...

Hick is in a tizzy over this Cheap House auction. He keeps reminding me he'll need a check Friday, in case he wins the bidding. 

"I guess they'll take a personal check. I don't know why they wouldn't. I haven't been to one of these foreclosure auctions. Just the delinquent tax sale auction. But that's run by the county, and not a bank."

Hick has also decided he won't have time for lunch Friday. Well. For a packed lunch that he usually takes on Friday to his SUS2.5. 

"Yeah, don't pack me no lunch. I won't have time."

"The auction is at 1:00. How will you not have time? When you go to the Senior Center, you eat at 11:00. I don't know why you couldn't eat lunch and then drive over to the courthouse. It's not even 10 minutes away."

"Well... I'll have to take time to close up my shop. I'll get a burger or something."

Heh, heh. Sounds like Hick would just rather have a burger. Which I think would take more time than microwaving a Pizza Pocket and opening a mini bag of chips. But I'm not one to interfere with Hick's auction prep juju.

Hick called me at 10:10.

"I got a call from Loan Officer about that foreclosure. He said they will start the bidding at $18,300. I told him we weren't going to bid over $18,000. He said to show up anyway. That if nobody bids on it, they will sell it to us for the $15,000 we originally agreed on. I told him okay, but that I wasn't bidding at $18,300. So we'll see what happens."

"I imagine somebody will be there, and bid on it. That won't break my heart, heh, heh. We only need one flippin' house at a time. You have enough work at Lap House to let people work there."

"We're on the way home with a load of junk from the basement right now."

"Why do WE need more junk?"

"It's lumber, Val. I'm putting it under the lean-to at the barn."

"I guess that's okay. Did you know your furnace guys showed up at The Pony's house?"

"Yeah. I gave them the wrong address."

"That doesn't surprise me!"

"Me either. One of the furnace guys didn't show up, and my buddy said he really had another job he needed to get done today. So they're coming back tomorrow. They got a little done while they was there."

"Hopefully they go to the right house tomorrow!"

"They will. They've been there now."

It's a dangerous situation for the next 24 hours! Hick is walking around with two blank checks! One for the furnace guy, and one for the foreclosure auction. I hope there's not more than one house being auctioned!

If I Was The Pony, I Might be Cursing My Flippin' Life, and My Heritage

Thursday morning, I got a text shortly after 8:00, from The Pony, questioning our Errand Day plans. Rather than texting back, I decided on a quick call.

"No, I don't really need any groceries. We'll just do the bank and gas and lottery."

"Guess who just knocked on my door right before 8:00."

"Oh, no! Your dad?"

"No. It was a furnace company. They asked if this was Thevictorian residence. I said yes, and they said, 'We're here to put in your furnace.' I told them I didn't NEED a furnace. That I already had one, but I could believe my dad sent them here. The guy pulled out his phone, and said, 'Well, this is the address, and it even says on the corner.' I told him, 'You need the OTHER corner, at the end of this block.' So they went down there to the flip house."

"Of course. That's your dad!"

"Yep. I saw the guy's phone. Dad had given them MY address!"

"What a pleasant way to wake up. I hate it when people knock on my door!"

"I had just gone to lie down in my second bedroom. You know how it is. Sometimes you just like a change when you're laying around the house doing nothing."

"I figured there would be things like this, knowing your dad, with Lap House so close to your house."

Anyhoo... I knew Lap House was getting the furnace on Thursday. I sent a check with Hick for payment. Renovations are underway. Maybe The Pony should be prepared for tradesmen traffic.

Lap House Intentions

It's been a month since we closed the purchase of Lap House. Since then, almost nothing has been done. Hick says he cleaned some stuff out of the basement, but I have a suspicion that the "stuff" was the tools he made a separate deal for with the previous owner.

Anyhoo... one evening Hick came from the shower to the kitchen, and said,

"I've got it! I know what I want to do with the house. This one has taken a while. Usually I can see a plan when I walk through it. Remember how it has that funny layout where you have to walk through a bedroom to get to the kitchen and the bathroom? I'm putting in a short hall, and moving the living room to where that bedroom is. So the two rooms on the front of the house will be bedrooms. You'll go down a short hall as you enter the front door. It leads to the living room and kitchen. The bathroom will be off the living room.

I want to get entrance to the basement from the inside of the house. I'll do that by extending the roof that's on the outside entrance to the basement now. Then I'll cut a door from inside the bathroom to get to those steps leading to the basement. There's no way to move the steps. They're concrete."

Here's the outside of Lap House. The front left is currently the living room, and the front right is a bedroom. The living room will turn into a bedroom, and the back bedroom will turn into the living room.

Here's the back, showing the basement entrance that Hick hopes to connect with a roof and a door into the bathroom.

Hick had his regular roofing buddy take a look at Lap House. A guy from his SUS2.5 said that he does roofing, and could give Hick an estimate. Hick was pretty sure Lap House needs a whole new roof, not just a patch job. It's a good selling point, too. Anyhoo... the SUS2.5 guy said he could do it for $8200. Regular Roofing Buddy said he will take $6300. I guess Hick knows his roofers! That's why we've been using the one guy all along.

Hick plans for the roof to be metal, and black. He hasn't decided on whether he will paint the red porch black, or the same color as the siding. Hick's HVAC guy also gave his estimate for heating and cooling, which Hick said was either $7600 or $6700. He can't remember (CAIN'T REMEMBER NOTHIN', heh, heh) because it was by a phone call, not a text.

I don't know when Hick will get all of this in motion. His harem is pretty needy lately, heh, heh. But at least he's taking my suggestion to get the roof and HVAC done now, while the weather is mild, so he can do inside work through the heat of summer and cold of winter.

Inside Lap House

The tour of Lap House won't take long. It's not that big. Just a living room, kitchen, two bedrooms, and a bathroom. I haven't seen the partial basement yet. That will have to wait until my official photographer can fit it into his schedule, heh, heh.

Living Room. The old guy who sold Hick this house had apparently been doing a little work on it. Looks like he ripped out carpeting, and painted some walls. I didn't ask if the wood floor is salvageable, but I imagine Hick has budgeted in his mind for laminate flooring.

Front Bedroom. It looks fairly decent, but might need new windows. That's me talking, from one photo, not Hick, who has walked through several times.

Kitchen. It seems cheery, with lots of light. Again, that might mean a lot of windows to replace. Pretty much everything in here has to go. EXCEPT... the countertop. Hick says it's the old granite kind of counter, and he'd like to try to save it. It's short, though. Just the part with the sinks.

Middle Bedroom. This might be the "problem" room. Due to its location, and awkward shape. Hick thinks it might be the only place to fit a washer and dryer. Not ideal, but I'd rather have a second bedroom, even if it meant having the laundry in there. Just like I'd rather have a washer and dryer in my house, as opposed to not having them. The other option would be the kitchen. I've had a washer and dryer in a bathroom before, but this bathroom is not big enough.

Bathroom. At first glance, it looks horrific. Upon closer inspection, the tile seems good. The floor looks interesting. The toilet is in decent shape. The tub is not pink, as I thought. Hick says it is kind of brown. He said it looks usable, which could save $1000 for a new one. He would paint it to match the toilet. I haven't seen the sink yet.

For handy reference, here's the outside view again.

Lap House isn't big enough to create new rooms. So there won't be a second bathroom. Hick DID note that there's room in the bathroom to put inside access to the basement. He said it looks like that's where it used to be, before somebody moved the entrance to the outside of the house.

There won't be much to see in the beginning. Hick plans to start with the electrical wiring. He will have to take off some siding, because some genius ran wires on the side of the house and covered them with siding! Then he will work on the plumbing. Not sure what's going on with that, other than there being several different kinds of pipe, from galvanized to PVC. 

I'm going to suggest that Hick work on the outside of Lap House while the weather is good. And save the interior for when the weather gets too hot or cold. Not that Hick is one to take my advice...

Introducing: Lap House

Yes. The photographer is of questionable talent. At taking photos. But he's a whiz at fixing up old houses. Hick was sitting in SilverRedO, parked across the street in front of an apartment building, when he took the front picture of Lap House for me. You may recall that Lap House is so named because the deal fell into Hick's lap when he was least expecting it.

Lap House has a generous yard. Out of sight on the left is an old brick church. A street runs by on the right side. There's a public sidewalk out front, but strangely, no sidewalk to the house. I image any residents would park in the back, off the alley, and use the back door.

Let's zoom in a bit, so you can see the actual house, and not a panoramic view of the neighborhood.

Lest you think the previous owner was a patriotic sort, let the record show that the school colors in this town are red, white, and blue. So the windows in the front door, and the railings by the back door, as well as the foundation, are likely those colors to support the team.

The roof has a few missing shingles from where the wind took them. Hick has not been in the attic yet. He says it's possible that the roof may need to be replaced, depending on what he finds there. Or it may just needs a patch. The tall vent pole on the front of the house will go away. Hick has already talked to his HVAC Guy, who says that there's a new way of doing the vent for the gas. Hick is planning to put in a new furnace and add central air, because the only cooling the house has now is a window unit. The vinyl siding is fine, it just looks wavy from the shadows, and my zoom-in on the original photo.

The front left window is the living room. The front right window is a bedroom. The kitchen is the part sticking out at the back with the back door. There's a single bathroom, behind that front bedroom. And behind it is a second bedroom. It's basically a 4-room house. I guess five if you count the bathroom. From the looks of them, the windows are old, and might need to be replaced. Hick hasn't mentioned that specifically yet.

Interior views will be coming soon.

The Deal is Done: Another Flip House, Coming Soon

The(flippin')Victorians bought another house on Thursday. The one I shall call Lap House, because it fell into Hick's lap without any search or real estate listing or sign in the yard. It was a call with an offer to sell, from an old guy referred to Hick by the old guy we bought the Double Hovel from.

In true Hick photography faux pas fashion, the picture is from the BACK of the house! 

Lap House is on The Pony's street. Three doors down. It's a nice wide street. This is a corner lot with a decent size back yard. That's the entrance to the partial basement. Much better than a crawlspace for flippers, because it's easy access for plumbing and electric and ductwork.

Across the street is an apartment building. It used to be an elementary school, which is pretty obvious to me from the windows. Next to Lap house is an old church. I don't think there is any activity there these days. I never see any cars or people. Whoever eventually buys Lap House will have better-than-average privacy, with a street on one side, an abandoned church on the other side, an alley in the back, and apartments across the street. I don't expect those residents will be hanging out in front, or complaining about goings-on.

More pictures as they become available.

Don't Trust a Gift House in the Lap (Part 4)

When we last convened, Hick and Val were holding their respective breaths, waiting to see if Some Guy would indeed show up at the title office to sign paperwork to sell Lap House to us as per the verbal agreement. I don't like stringing you along like this, but to put ALL the details in one post would be quite unwieldy.

SOME GUY SIGNED THE PAPERS!

But before he did, he'd made several more calls to Hick. He was worried that his truck deal would be off. Hick promised that the truck deal was still on. "I'll give you the money tomorrow. $2000. It's fine. No problems there. I'll bring it to you."

Hick just opened a whole new can of worms! Or maybe it was the old worms, which Hick had tried to keep in the can, but kept crawling out until they demanded my attention. 

The way Hick had presented the truck information to me was that he was trading two guns from his shop to Some Guy for his old pickup truck. Which he would then sell to Old Buddy, to be paid for by physical labor. Old Buddy also helps Hick with maintenance of the senior apartments, out of Hick's pocket. That was not quite the truth! (Are you shocked? I think not. I will not be investing in smelling salts stock.)

My first truck clue came when Hick asked, 

"How are we getting the $2000 to buy the truck?"

"What do you mean? YOU are the one buying the truck. I thought you were making a trade."

"No. WE are buying the truck. And Old Buddy will pay us back by working on the house."

"You never told me that!"

"I did too. I sent you the text last night from the auction. So you knew."

Here's the text: "Got all papers signed and started i told him I'd by the truck tomorrow"

That's straight from the Hick's fingers. Nothing in there says that WE are buying a truck.

"I have enough money to pay him, but I have to have it back by tomorrow, because I'm going to Illinois to pick up an order."

"I didn't know this was part of the house deal. We might just as well have paid him what he asked for at first."

"Then we wouldn't have the truck."

"Where IS the truck? You're not going to license it, are you?"

"No. I'll get the title. Then Old Buddy gets it when he's worked it off. It's over behind the house. It don't run."

"You bought a truck that doesn't run, to give to somebody else, but we're paying for it. That will be really hard to keep track of on the flip house expenses. And what about Pony's part?"

"I'll write his hours down on my paper every month that I give you. It's just not actual money I paid him out of my pocket. So I won't get it back."

"The truck doesn't even run!"

"It was in a wreck. It has front end damage. And a safety switch that needs to be replaced."

"I don't know how Old Buddy is going to fix it up and get it off our new property, without you paying him so he has money to fix it up! The city will probably send you a nasty letter about a nuisance vehicle. You know how they love to find things wrong with your properties."

"It will be fine, Val. Old Buddy said he wanted the truck."

A call to The Pony with this revelation garnered the following response:

"I'M not buying a junk truck for Old Buddy!"

We're off on another adventure...

Don't Trust a Gift House in the Lap (Part 3)

On Monday at 11:00, Hick came home early to take little Pepper to his first puppy appointment at the vet. He had no sooner come in the door than his phone rang. It was Some Guy. I could hear the whole conversation.

Some Guy was expecting Hick to pay him cash TODAY for Lap House! He said, "Like we talked about yesterday." Hick reminded him that he'd said he'd have to ask me about the cash issue. And I said no! If Hick was my detective partner, he'd always be Good Cop, and I'd be Bad Cop.

Hick explained that we would only do a regular cashier's check to the title office, once the title cleared. Some Guy asked if we could give HIM the cashier's check. No. He would get one from the title company. Then he asked if Hick could do the deal for less at the title office, and pay him $10,000 in cash. Because he was worried about his taxes on the house.

Hick explained that we would only do the standard deal, for the amount agreed upon. That Some Guy would NOT be cheated out of any money. Once the papers were signed, we were legally responsible to pay him his money, as long at the house title was clean.

It took several calls, with Some Guy saying he needed to talk it over. Asking Hick about taxes. Hick said he was not a tax expert. That there's a tax guy with an office over by Casey's who does his business taxes and only charges him $10. Maybe Some Guy should go talk to him with tax questions.

The longer this went on, with me being Bad Cop every time Hick opened his mouth, the more I got a read on Some Guy.

"I don't think he's trying to weasel out, or cheat us. I think he just doesn't understand how this works, and he's nervous. He acts like he thinks the tax bill is due tomorrow. It will be on next year's taxes. He's not considering he'll have the house money to set some aside to pay it. He may not owe much.

Maybe you should tell him that you can reschedule that title office appointment later in the week. So he doesn't feel rushed. Maybe he can actually talk to a tax person before then. I'd even pay the $10 or $20 for him to get tax advice."

"Yeah. I'll call him back in a bit and tell him we don't have to rush into it today. Or maybe the gal at the title office can explain it to him."

Still waiting to see what happens this afternoon...

Don't Trust a Gift House in the Lap (Part 2)

On Sunday, Some Guy was back at Hick's SUS2.5. Not about the truck deal, but about the house. As if we need anything else to worry about.

"Some Guy was there again. He said a buddy told him that he'll have to pay taxes on the money he gets for the house. Maybe up to 30%. I told him yeah, he'll get taxed for what he makes off the house. I don't know how much. He asked if we could write the sale for less. For $15,000. And pay him the rest in cash. I told him I didn't think so. But I needed to talk it over with you."

"The point isn't if we are ABLE to do it. But if we WILL do it. That amount of sale will be recorded. It will look like we bought a $15,000 house. Then when WE sell it, that will look like a much bigger profit. WE are the ones who will get taxed on it then."

"He said if he had lived in it for two years, he wouldn't have to pay the taxes. I said that's right, too bad he couldn't do that, but he said his name wasn't on the title then."

"So he's particular about how he wants to cheat on the taxes, heh, heh! I don't like the idea of cash. It will be hard to get. The bank tracks every withdrawal over $1000. There will be a record that we took out a lot of cash. You'll probably have to ask for it ahead of time. It might set us up for a tax audit in the future."

"One of my buddies said he took out a lot of money to buy a car for cash. The teller asked him what it was for, and he said, 'None of your damn business! It's MY money!' So they have to give it to you."

"I'll call The Pony, since we're partners in this. Just to get another opinion."

The Pony heard the story, and said, "Sounds like tax fraud to me. But I don't care either way."

We have decided this is not an option for us. It's either done like a regular real estate deal, with a cashier's check, or we are out.

As of this writing, it's Sunday night. On Monday, Hick will tell Some Guy (if he shows up at the title office) that we expect a regular (legal) agreement and purchase, or he can sell to his other (higher offer) buyer. I seriously doubt that somebody else will hand over that much cash.

Don't Trust a Gift House in the Lap (Part 1)

On Thursday, Hick made a handshake deal with Some Guy to purchase Lap House. That's a flip house that fell into Hick's lap on Monday, a house inherited by Some Guy from a friend who passed away. They agreed to meet at the title office for an appointment the following Monday to draw up legal paperwork.

On Saturday, Hick came home from his SUS2.5 (Storage Unit Store 2.5) with a hope-dampening tale.

"Some Guy was at my unit today. I'd told him I'd trade him for a truck he has. He wanted a couple of my guns. He come in an picked out the most expensive one, and said, 'I'll take this one, and another one.' I told him, 'Well, I haven't had a chance to look at the truck yet. So it will have to wait.'"

"Oh, no! Now he'll be disgruntled, and might not go through with the house deal!"

"No. He also come in sayin' that another guy had offered him more for the house. Then he said, 'But I made a deal with you. So I'll stick to it.' I think he will. But we'll find out Monday if he shows up for the paperwork."

"Why are you trading for a truck? You don't need a truck! How are you gonna sell a truck?"

"Old Buddy wants the truck. I figure I can work the money out of him."

"Yeah, IF he shows up to work!"

Anyhoo... everything still seems to be go for the deal on Lap House. Right?

Tune in tomorrow for another episode of How the Gift House Drops.

Lap House Dance

Hick spent Monday and Tuesday evening talking about Lap House. With a gleam in his eye. I could tell it was his new love. So desirable. Bargain House was a fleeting memory. An old flame.

I couldn't really find any good reasons to reject Lap House, aside from cash flow. I'd talked to The Pony, who was on board with a new flip, given the understanding the money from the Bargain House sale was needed for investment. Hick kept emphasizing that he'd told Some Guy that he would need a couple days to think about it, and would let him know. So Wednesday night, I gave the okay.

Hick called Some Guy, and said he'd like another walk-through. That was on Thursday. On my way to pick up The Pony for our errand day, I heard a text come in. I was driving, and couldn't read it. My phone rang. It was Hick. I also shouldn't have answered, because that's illegal here now. But being a scofflaw for selective purposes, I did.

"Val. Some Guy wants more than we talked about. Three thousand more."

"Where are you?"

"I'm here now. At the house."

"Can he HEAR you???"

"Nah. There's some other guys here."

"I think we can come up with that. Since it's still lower than what he asked for. You couldn't even do your 'split the difference, split the difference' bargaining. 

No. I tried."

"Well. It's only $500 more than splitting the difference would have been. It should be fine."

"Okay. I'll tell him."

By then, I was only a few blocks from The Pony's house. We drove down that way to get a look. Hick and some guys were standing out back in the alley behind the house. We waved. The front looked decent enough. Lap House has good lines. Nothing sagging. Nothing falling off. Not an eyesore.

After going to the bank, and getting gas for T-Hoe, and shopping at Country Mart, I drove The Pony home.

"Let's go by Lap House, up the side street, to get a good look at the back. I can pull into the alley."

No. I couldn't. Because there was still a bunch of guys standing around behind the house! Hick was gone. I didn't want to look like a weirdo. But I was already going up the side street.

"YOU look, Pony. So they don't suspect anything."

The Pony reported that the back looked okay. We'll have to go by this Thursday if we want to stop. IF there's nobody hanging around then. Hick reported later that there were two other guys hanging out with Some Guy, and they were all drinking beer. A lot of beer.

Anyhoo... Hick accepted Some Guy's price. He called the title company and got an appointment for Monday afternoon for him and Some Guy to go fill out paperwork to start a title search.

You'd think we just bought ourselves another flip house. Or DID we...?