Hick Doesn't Know His Angle From His Elbow

When dealing with Hick, you have to let logic pack its bags, book a transatlantic flight, call an Uber, and fly out the window. Logic is Hick's kryptonite. It cannot be allowed to cohabit with the man who knows everything.

Blog Buddy Practical Parsimony raised a question about the efficiency of Hick's plumbing plan for his buddy's sewer pipes. The logic here being that a 45-degree angle would be more difficult for sewage to navigate than a 90-degree angle would. So by Hick's statements, it appears that he is making the problem worse.

For clarification, I went straight to the horse's mouth. That being Hick's none-too-shy, overly-confident, spoiled-cheesecake-eating orifice. The response could have replaced the Who's On First routine in the annals of comedy history, if only I had recorded it word-for-word. And the fact that I didn't find it at all funny at the time. I will try my best to recollect our exchange from 5:20 a.m. on Thursday, facing off from short couch to long couch, before Hick left for his clandestine Casey's donut(s).

"Hey, you said your buddy had 90-degree angles in his sewer plumbing? And you were going to replace them with 45-degree angles?"

"Yeah."

"Wouldn't that make them sharper angles?"

"No. It makes the flow easier."

"But a 45-degree angle is half a 90-degree angle. So you're making it worse."

"No. That makes it better. So stuff can get around the bend easier."

"But it can't. It's like it has to flow partway backwards at 45 degrees."

"Noooo. Look. Here's a 90-degree angle." Hick made the shape with his hands and arms.

"Yes. And 45 is half of that. Like coming out from the middle of the corner, splitting it in half."

"No. You go past the corner, and then it comes out at 45 degrees."

"That would be a 135-degree angle. The 90 PLUS 45."

"No. You don't know what you're talking about. 45 is half of 90."

"I know geometry. I know angles. What you are describing is 135 degrees."

"Hahaha! You don't know nothin'! Give me my glasses. Here. I'll draw it out for you!"

"I know what you're saying, but that's not a 45-degree angle, is my point."

Hick proceeded to draw a picture of lines representing plumbing pipes, on the back of a manila envelope that had held his paperwork for his cataract surgery.

"SEE? It's like I'm driving along. Instead of making a right turn here at the corner, I go on and make a less-sharp turn past it."

"I know what you're telling me. My point is just that it's not a 45-degree angle. That's the part that confuses people. It's greater than 90 degrees. It's 90 PLUS 45. A 135-degree angle."

"How can you not understand! It's NOT! It's a 45-degree angle! You don't know anything about plumbing!"

"That's right. But I know angles. Google it! You'll see that I'm right."

"I have never, EVER, heard anyone ask for a 135!"

"So what do you do, walk into the store and say, 'I need a 45?'"

"Yeah."

Hick dug out his phone, fiddled, then handed it to me. "SEE? There's a picture! It's smoother than a 90. That's a 45-degree elbow!"

"Wait! WAIT! You mean all this time, you were talking about an ELBOW??? And not the angle? Because that's all you had to do! Say that ONE WORD! Then the whole thing would have made sense."

"It's the same thing. Here--"

"No. You don't have to draw anything again! You have been talking about a 135-degree ANGLE, which you get by using a 45-degree ELBOW!"

"It's still a 45-degree angle!"

"Whatever you say! But the 45 you're talking about is that part called an elbow. Not the actual angle."

Hick threw up his hands, declaring that EVERYBODY knows that a 45-degree angle is easier for water (and other stuff) to flow through a pipe. Then left for town on schedule. The Casey's girl probably had his donut(s) laid out for him. He's convinced that I am unable to understand the basics of pipes and angles.

I am convinced that Hick doesn't know his angle from his elbow.