Saturday, July 29, 2017

Hick and Val Get Along Like Salt and Vinegar

Every now and then, I feel a tiny twinge of remorse for the way I treat Hick. Not often! And it's the tiniest of twinges. I probably wouldn't feel it at all except that I'm a distant descendant of that pea-under-the-mattress princess. However...yesterday, I felt that tiny twinge of remorse.

We don't hide treats under a towel on the kitchen counter around here. Treats are treats, earmarked for the person who requested them, lines drawn, territory established, orders right out in the open. Hick has his treats, and I have mine, and there are those we share. Nobody eats Hick's treats. Mainly because they are mainly sugar-free, and I don't have a fake-sweet tooth. And Genius is out of the house, and not here to scam the sugar-free oatmeal raisin cookies.

For my lunches, I have a little individual bag of chips. I buy the big 20-pack collection of assorted flavors. I used to buy the brand name, but neither Hick nor I like Doritos, so those bags went to the dogs. The dogs didn't mind, but when I'm spending my once-hard-earned money on chips, I'd prefer that a human eat them, not canines. I eat the BBQ chips first. Then the Sour Cream and Onion. Then the plain. Whatever is left is fair game for Hick. He knows this.

I switched to the Great Value pack of assorted chips, because they don't have Doritos. After my three flavors, there are four bags chips left. They're light blue bags. I told Hick, who has his own large bag of chips, Bacon and Cheddar Loaded Potato, so don't go feeling sorry for him like he's chipless..."You can eat these light-blue bags of chips. They're ruffled. But don't take the BBQ or Sour Cream and Onion, or the plain. I like those." Hick agreed.

Then I noticed that the light blue bags were not disappearing. I especially noticed when I was sitting on the short couch conversing with Hick as he got some chips to go with his lunch.

"Where did you say those chips were?"

I'll be ding-dang-donged if Hick wasn't over at the kitchen table, snooping! I have a big pack there to take The Pony next week, but they're all Cheeto varieties. If I don't separate the ones Hick is allowed, he has a homing beacon that seeks out the freshest chips. He only eats six-week-expired hot dogs.

"In the pantry. In that pack. The light blue ones. Have you been getting them off the table? Because I just opened that pack, and there are still three bags in the pantry, and you said you ate some chips last night."

"I did."

"Have you been eating the yellow bags? The ones that look like fake Lay's?"

"No. I haven't been eating your chips."

Hick came to the La-Z-Boy with a mini bag of Cheetos. Crunchy.

"WHY do you have Cheetos? Where did you get those?"

"Cheetos are fine. I got them out of the pantry."

"The PANTRY! I can't remember the last time I bought those! Probably back when The Pony was here. And that was over Christmas."

"They're fine. I had some last night."

"Do I have to do EVERYTHING myself? I'll get your chips! It's pretty simple, really. They're right in the pantry in that pack."

"You don't have to get them, Val. I couldn't find them. Cheetos are fine. The blue bags? They're Salt and Vinegar."

"No they're not! If they were Salt and Vinegar, I'd be eating them with my lunches! I LIKE Salt and Vinegar."

I went to the pantry and saw the three bags of chips still in the pack. Salt and Vinegar. Huh. I went to the table and looked in the new pack. Blue bags. Salt and Vinegar. What in the Not-Heaven?

"Well...these blue bags ARE Salt and Vinegar. I swear, the last time, they were ruffled plain chips!"

"Yeah. I remember eating them."

"Huh. Maybe that was in a brand name pack."

"Well, get me some of those when you go to the store."

So easy for him to say. Since the store won't sell chips to HIM, I suppose. But I put them on my list. I couldn't find ANY brand of chip packs that included mini ruffled chips.

Guess I'll be eating more chips now. And Hick will be taxing himself by taking the clip off a big bag and putting some on his plate.

I almost feel bad for berating him over not eating his allotted chips. Almost. The tiny twinge is a manageable kind of pain.

20 comments:

  1. I am very confused. Multiple bags, different colors, bags with clips...this is way too complicated for me, couldn't you just put a towel over the chips Hick isn't allowed?

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    1. Wow! Who knew Hick was some kind of man-genius for figuring out my instructions?

      The towel would probably work for him. Not because he wouldn't think to look there, but because it's too much effort to pick up a towel and look under it.

      Delete
  2. A day when three incredible things happened? 1) Hick was right, 2) you were wrong and 3) you felt a twinge of remorse over your treatment of Hick.

    Wow.

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    1. Sioux...Here now! Let's not get hasty about #2. I was correct until the company changed their chip assortment in the multi-packs!

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    2. fishducky...Hick still has one more "right" to go, in order to tie with a stopped clock. And maybe that "twinge" was just my rheumatism actin' up.

      Delete
  3. It appears good Ol' Hick just may have been, out of the goodness of his heart, eating the old cheetos and saving the salt and vinegar chips just for you.

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    1. Ha ha ha ha! Not so sure that was Hick's master plan. He really doesn't like Salt and Vinegar chips.

      Delete
  4. I don't think you need to feel any twinges, after all the pale blue bags weren't always salt and vinegar, and once Hick noticed they were, he left them for you. but he should have mentioned it right away so you could enjoy them earlier. Probably the cheetos are okay too, they're only a few months old.

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    1. I couldn't have said it better myself! I could have said it longer, yes. But not better.

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  5. My pet shares my food mostly, if its sharable. I like crisps. You should have your boundaries.

    Thank you. Love love, Andrew. Bye.

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    1. I'm always willing to stand behind boundaries!

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  6. Hick and you are nibbling out of the same box? Maybe you should buy him his own, so he keeps his mitts out of yours.

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    1. I buy Hick whatever he asks for, but I can't read his mind. Much.

      Genius was the same way when he was living under our roof. Never wanted something until somebody else got it. Many a time, The Pony would be placed in the same situation as Old Mother Hubbard's dog. He'd go to the pantry and pick up his box of Little Debbie Cosmic Brownies, only to shake that box and find it empty!

      Delete
  7. I used to eat salt and vinegar chips until they made my mouth bleed. Haven't eaten chips in ages.

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    1. Okay, you're making Hick look more and more like a man-genius!

      Maybe...just maybe...you've been eating them wrong. Those things really should come with instructions on the bag.

      Delete
  8. We always have a variety of chips available .... in our store. Makes it easy for us to snack. I always feel guilty, though. Like I should be paying for them. Laffy Taffy is my weakness. Only the banana flavor. I will open the big container and sort all of the banana out and save them for me. I don't feel guilty at all about that!

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    1. The banana is the BEST Laffy Taffy flavor! I hope you read the jokes on the wrapper. I found one of my favorites on there:

      What does a pig put on a burn?

      Oinkment.

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    2. HeWho did not fully appreciate the joke!

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    3. Maybe he just didn't hear the K part of the oinkment. You know. With his hearing aids he got out of the back seat of that car.

      Delete