Sundays In the T-Hoe With Hick

Fasten your seatbelt, it's going to be a Hick-sweaving, Val-shotgunning ride!

Yes, I was a captive audience for my Sweet Baboo once again. That's the bad part. The good part is that he took me to the casino to celebrate my birthday, which was not today. I had a great time, and a delicious burger, but did not exit the premises as a winner. Hick even lost less that I did! The nerve of that guy! Didn't he know it was MY not-birthday?

Anyhoo...Hick was on his best behavior today. For Hick. I kept him preoccupied on the way there with a discussion of that Alone show on the History Channel. Ten people were chosen from 5000 applicants to compete to be the last person surviving in Patagonia. I just now started watching the DVRs, even though the finale was last week. Funny how I told Hick back then that is was the finale, and he said, "I know. I think there's only three shows left." Apparently, his concept of a finale is different from mine.

On the way home, my sister the ex-mayor's wife sent me a text.

"Are you rich yet?"

"On the contrary. I lost $###. That dirty dog Hick sat down beside me and won $28, then $14.50, then another $28. After he went to another machine, he lost some of it back, though."

"Maybe he just keeps the money you give him, and is not really gambling at all :)"

"No. He only kept what he didn't lose, he SAYS. Except for the $20 he spent at Goodwill when he left me for a while."

Here's where the Hickiness ensued. Just because I vent my frustrations out loud does not mean that I expect his input. He seems to think everything is about HIM!

I had mis-typed SAYS on my phone. "Dang this phone! I HATE Autocorrect! It wants to change SAYS to ANUS! That's the stupidest thing ever! Just because I typed in SSYS, probably because of your sweaving, it thinks ANUS is more common that SAYS!"

"Then you need to do something about your phone! You've got it set somehow, or it wouldn't do that. That's stupid."

"I can't believe you! So...you're saying my phone tries to change SAYS to ANUS because of something I'VE done? Like I spend all day typing ANUS in my texts? It gives a list of words, and ANUS was at the top. And it changed to it if I hit space."

"It's something you've done to it, Val. You're always complaining about your phone. MINE never does anything like that. Unless I'm talking into it."

"Oh, so when you're TALKING into it, and it changes words like that, it's the PHONE, and not YOU? Even though YOU'RE the one talking. But I have done something to MY phone to make it say ANUS? I can't believe you sometimes!"

Actually, I don't believe Hick MOST times. So now it's all my fault that Autocorrect is inappropriate. AS IF I am smart enough to know HOW to make it do that to begin with, and also smart enough to fix it so it doesn't. Hick seems to be forgetting, since every phone he has gotten is NEW, that I always have Genius's hand-me-downs when Genius takes the new one in an upgrade.

I guess I need to call Genius and chastise him for giving me a potty-mouth phone.
That little anus!