Tuesday, October 25, 2016

Just When You Thought Those Creepy News Clowns Had Gone Away...

Hick is nothing if not timely in his shenanigans. He left for Goodwill on Sunday evening, and was a bit secretive upon return. By secretive, I mean that he did not come up the driveway and park his 1980 Olds Toronado back under the carport where it's been taking up The Pony's rightful parking space since its construction. No. I guess he thought he could avoid my prying eyes. Ain't no way to hide my prying eyes. The Eagles were going to do a song about them, but switched the lyrics at the last minute.

Anyhoo...I was sitting on the front porch pew post-walk, watching Puppy Jack and my Sweet, Sweet Juno frolic in the front yard as the sun sank behind the trees lining the row of sinkholes. In the same instant, both dogs ceased their scuffling, and sat up. Looked toward the gravel road. And took off barking toward the BARn field. I heard tires on gravel, and waited for Hick to come up the driveway. A few minutes later, I saw movement through the treeline. He had turned into the BARn field (let the record show that there is NOT a road there, only a shallow ditch to drive through, and grass) and coasted down the slope to park in front of the BARn. Huh.

After a while, Hick turned the Toronado around and went back up through the field, then to the driveway, and down it to park under the carport. He walked over his brick sidewalk to join me on the porch.

"What were you hiding?"

"I wasn't hiding nothing."

"Why did you go to the BARn?"

"So I didn't have to carry my stuff over there."

"What did you get at Goodwill that you didn't want me to see?"

"Nothing. Alls I got was this:"

"What even IS that?"

"It's a clown! A clown on a tricycle!"

"A clown? What's that Russian hat for?"

"That flaps up and spins around when he rides the tricycle."

Whatever. It doesn't look like a clown to me. And it doesn't look like it would be very heavy to carry over to the BARn.


  1. He coulda just put it on the kitchen counter and draped a towel over it.

    1. Yes, but then when you dropped by for some gas station chicken to go with a dirty-water cocktail, you might have found it!

  2. I think you need to take a tranquilizer (so the shock doesn't kill you) and check out the BARn while he's away at work.

    Perhaps it will give you fodder for a frightening post...

    By the way, my son missed a Seinfeld question at a trivia night. He made me ashamed I'd even given birth to him. (The question--Jerry forgot his girlfriend's name, but it rhymed with a woman's body part. What was the girl's name?

    A. Shamed.

    1. I am staying away from the BARn while Hick is away. Because he specifically INVITED me to go look through the BARn to see for myself that he's not hiding anything. I'm pickin' up that reverse psychology vibe that Hick is layin' down!

      NOOO!!! You must be SO mortified! Everybody knows it was "Delores," except for Jerry, who thought it might be Mulva. Oh...and your son. I am curious to know what answer he suggested.

  3. Well, you know he's up to something. and that do dad looks like a foreigner if I've ever seen on.

    Hick, FYI" I never saw a man cry so hard as when my brother-in-law gave his dog chicken bones and they splintered and tore up his intestines and he had to put his dog down. No chicken bones. Please?

    1. Those foreign "clowns" must be the stuff of nightmares!

      Since the arrival of Jack, who can't have such a fowl treat, my Sweet, Sweet Juno has been dialed back to only the soft bones of the back and breast. NO WISHBONE. None of the splintery leg and thigh and wingding.

      Apparently, eating 21 full sets of chicken bones over the past two weeks, including the flesh attached to the carcasses, did not affect the neighbor dog's digestive tract in the least.

  4. Creepy little critter!!

    1. Yes he IS! Oh, wait! You meant that wind-up toy...