Friday, February 5, 2016

Don't Be Passing the Hat This Way Unless You Want to Lose Your Hat

Val is a giving person. Giving enough. She has her regular charities to which she donates. But public schools are not one of them. As in public universities. She gets calls frequently enough from her alma mater. Calls made by bubbly coeds who don’t seem to give a hoot what they’re begging for. Calls that make her feel patronized, like a cash cow. Like somebody in charge of that call room said, “Let’s call the old people and make them feel relevant again by donating.” Val does not like being patronized.

So imagine Val’s surprise when a letter arrived from Genius’s college. A letter appreciating Val for her generosity, and furthermore stating that Val committed her support to College when she spoke with Ariel on January 31. WAIT A MINUTE! Val did not speak with Ariel on January 31. Val does not answer those beggin’ calls. The big THANK YOU was misplaced. Val will not be returning her pledge card with the $100 donation that she pledged. Because VAL DIDN’T PLEDGE IT!

Looking back at the address, Val saw that, indeed, she had not spoken with Ariel, nor pledged $100 to College. Hick had. Or HAD Hick?

This morning when I woke him, I interrogated Hick before he could get the breather off his face.

“Did you pledge $100 to College on January 31?”

“NO! I told her ‘Send the card and we’ll see.’ I did NOT say I would donate.”

“Okay. Because I’m not sending them a donation. Genius is still attending. We pay them enough money right now.”

“Yeah. I didn’t say I’d give them any money.”

Hick can never make a decision. Not on what he wants from the store, not on where he wants to go out to eat, not on which color of metal roof to put on the homestead. He relies on Val to make his decisions.

Hick needs to strengthen his resolve. Not be wishy-washy. Nip it in the bud. Tell them right away, “No. My son is attending there right now, and we can’t afford it. My wife is about to retire. We have another son going to college in the fall. And I’M retiring in December. We can’t donate.”

I doubt they will stay on the line long enough to hear Hick’s tale of woe. They should get the message early, loud and clear, that Hick is not donating.

You can bet that if Hick thought the money was coming out of that stash he skims from the weekly allowance Val gives him, his answer would have immediately been , "NOT-HEAVEN, NO!"

11 comments:

  1. I ignore those requests as well. I tell them "You gave me a low "C" average and then expect money in appreciation? I don't think so!"

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  2. For years I received calls for money from UCLA and I finally got tired of it and started asking THEM for money whenever they called. I haven't heard from them in years.

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    1. I think The Pony would much prefer your begging--um--REQUESTING technique to my LOUD SCREAM when that guy kept calling about my Windows computer having a problem. Come to think of it, I haven't heard from HIM lately, either. He might still be recovering from his eardrum transplant...

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  3. What if the college had mentioned they have a satellite Good Feet Store opening up on their campus? Would he have promised a donation then?

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    1. I'm sure he would have been all over that, with the stipulation that they name the store "Good Hick, Good Feet: Always a Windfall When the Two Meet."

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  4. Have you received the phone call where they say they are sending an envope and want you to solicit your neighbors? No, a simple answer, yet my big guy asks me, to hear me shout NO.

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    1. I am apparently not on that list yet. I hope my neighbors don't come a-knockin', or I'll have to turn off the TV, crawl behind the couch, and get my door to lockin'.

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  5. Nancy had the words for it: Just say no.

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    1. Well...Hick's gonna look pretty funny in a red dress.

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