Friday, February 19, 2016

Winners Keepers, Readers Weepers

Val had a bit of good fortune on the lottery last weekend. She scratched a winner more winning than her usual wins. Because Val’s a giver, she [WAIT! YOU DON’T THINK VAL IS SHARING THE MONEY, DO YOU?] wanted to share the news with Genius. The son she sends a couple of tickets to each week, who was thrilled to win $50 on a five-dollar ticket on his birthday.

Lunch time at work rolled around at 10:53, and after it was over, Val took a portion of her plan time to text her boy Genius.

“Read it and weep. It’s from last weekend.” (I even taught myself how to text a photo taken with my phone!)

“$300? Can’t quite see it.”

“Yes. 10X, with a $30 prize.”

“Fancy. Are you ever going back to school?

“Of course, my Golden Ticket cost me $30... I AM in school, sonny. Some people work for a living. Not just M-W-F.”

“I am also working!”

(Let the record show that Genius is doing his co-op this semester. Which means he is getting real life 40-hour-week work experience for pay, but is still counted as a continuously-enrolled student, and keeps his scholarships for future semesters, while being able to work 6-9 months rather than just a 3-month summer internship. He drives 90 minutes to the city three days a week, and works from home two days.)

“At work, or at home?”

“Home. Today was direct deposit day. So I’m no longer a pauper.”

“Now you can buy a Golden Ticket.”

“Or I could not.”

“Unless, of course, you’d rather spend that money on alcohol, and piss it away in THAT manner.”

“How vulgar. I’m cutting back on alcohol. Because it turns out it’s rather expensive.”

“Glad you’re learning the value of a beer. Now I must get back to working, on site, at my full time job, which I will have for 63 62 more working days.”

There was no further response. So either Genius got back to working from home, or ran out to buy a lottery ticket, or poured a stiff drink.

I told The Pony how I sent a picture in a text, and that Genius said he couldn’t see how much I won.

“He couldn’t read the numbers through his own tears. You DID tell him to read it and weep.”

Let the record show that The Pony bought his first lottery ticket later that afternoon, as he paid for my gas. I gave him $10 of birthday money for it. Even though he was negotiating for $30.

Let the record further show that his ticket was a loser. And that The Pony did not weep.


  1. I stay away from lottery tickets. I can buy a dirty water cocktail or two for the price of a ticket.

    1. I stay away from dirty water cocktails. I can buy a lottery ticket or two for the price of a cocktail.

      Depending on the denomination, of course. I usually play the $5 tickets. That new $30 ticket is reserved for when I cash in a big winner.

  2. I've never won anything with the lottery. You guys have the lucky touch.

    1. Scratch-off is the way to go. I'm not a regular player of the bi-weekly games like PowerBall. Only when the jackpot is astronomical.

  3. No rest (or luck) for the wicked.

    There's no point in me buying a lottery ticket...

    1. Well, at least there's no point in you buying a lottery ticket in the gas station chicken store, after your suspicious behavior there. I think your picture is posted on the wall. Next to their pictures of the weekly red-ticket jackpot winners of their customers. Kind of ironic, putting the picture of the wicked next to pictures of their winners...

  4. I USED to buy lottery tickets. I probably spent between $400 & $500 & got $30 of it back!!

    1. I would say that over the many years, I've gotten a little less than half back. Three times (the most recent being last year, just check my tax return), I've hit a $1000 winner on the scratchers.

      This is my entertainment. I use the winnings for writing contest entries and more lottery. Hick, Genius, and The Pony spent $20 EACH on bowling every week. That was their entertainment. In fact, one year Hick bowled in TWO leagues each week.

      I figure I'm entitled to my fun, same as them. And THEY never brought any money back! Besides, theirs came out of the house fund, and mine comes out of my weekly cash allowance. It's a well-managed addiction.

      My grandma (Mom's mom) was lucky with bingo. She won something every time she played. Maybe this gambling luck skips a generation, because my mom was not a winner in the few games of chance I could talk her into playing.

  5. The Big Tuna is always convinced he will be a big winner and buys a few every week. Biggest winner.....7 bucks.

    1. He must be buying those printout big winner tickets. Like PowerBall. Or like our Missouri Lottery.

      Just today, I cashed in $21 of scratch-off winners, bought 4 more, and won $50.