You Can Lead The Pony To the License Office, But You Can't Make Him Drive

Today after school, we have to renew The Pony’s driving permit. Yes, it’s hard to believe that another year has come and gone, and that boy still doesn’t have his license! You can get your learner’s permit in Missouri when you’re 15-and-a-half. Yeah. We’re probably just behind Arkansas and West Virginia when it comes to the youngest young ‘uns driving. I didn’t do any research on that. Don’t quote me. Genius used to scoff at me when I said that since I work with kids that age every day, I don’t think they’re ready to drive.

“Come ON! In Africa, five-year-old kids drive, and they don’t have a problem with wrecks.”

“Well, I seriously doubt that five-year-old kids are driving in Africa. I don’t think that many families have a car to spare for their toddler. Besides, a lot of Africa is…um…like the savanna or something. It’s not exactly like he’s going to find hundreds of other cars driven by other five-year-olds to run into. An elephant, maybe. So of course there are hardly any wrecks. Mainly because FIVE-YEAR-OLD KIDS ARE NOT DRIVING IN AFRICA!”

I swear. Genius could argue with Mother Teresa. Well. If she was alive, I mean. Anyhoo…The Pony took his written test, which HE says he did not, because technically, it’s on the computer, and not on paper, way back when he turned 15-and-a-half. Then it expired, almost while he was gone to be with HIS PEOPLE at the Smartypants Academy, except he noticed right before he left, because other kids were talking about it online, and we renewed it in the nick of time.

Now I guess another whole year has passed, because we have to renew it again. I told him that I think the next time he tries to renew it, he will have to take the written (AHEM, the computer) test again. I also told him that any time he gets the urge to practice his parallel parking, I’ll take him over by the church on a side street where the driver’s exam people have their orange cones and broomsticks set up. Then he can practice exactly where he’ll have to perform for his license. Can you believe he didn’t want to do that?

I called the license office yesterday to see IF he could renew that permit again, and what he needed to bring. I apparently was connected to one of the female hounds from not-heaven. “He needs the old permit, and proof of residence, like mail,” she snapped. “You can show a utility bill as long as you are with him.”

“That’s all he needs? He doesn’t have his name on much.”

“THAT’S WHY I SAID YOU COULD BRING YOURS!”

Dang. My head was nearly snipped off by her biting comment. I thanked her with my mouth, while slapping her around a little with my imagination. The reason I wanted to be sure was because LAST RENEWAL, of course, we didn’t have everything and had to drive back home. As with EVERY time I go to that office for something. Not only that, but the utility bill I brought in wasn’t good enough, because it was in Hick's name, as are most of our utility bills. So I had to dig up a check stub to show my name and address. Of course then the whole DMV and all their future hackers had my personal info.

Just for good measure, today I’m taking along my most recent pay stub, The Pony’s social security card, his birth certificate, and the old driver’s permit.

I need to wear one of those white plastic neck braces for protection.