Neither a Borrower, Nor Radioactive Be

"Remember last year, how you loaned me $500 until I got paid?"

Always beware when your college son asks a leading question such as this.

"Uh...yes...And do you remember that you owe your little brother $200 from that time you drove home for a couple of hours?"

"Yes. I know. I HAVE the money in my account. I was just wanting to know when you were giving me my money for May." Let the record show that Genius, besides being an RA, has an on-campus job that allows him to work 10 hours per week, which was supposed to be limited to 5 hours per week due to his RA status, but he has connections and a silver tongue, and sweet-talked the overlord into allowing him more work.

"Do you want me to pay your brother out of that, then, and send you the rest?"

"No. I have one of my bank accounts set up to take out money each week to pay him back. When I come home after finals, it will all be in there, and I'll pay him his $200."

"You mean $210. He is charging you 5% interest."

"That's a rip-off. The banks don't charge that!"

"Credit cards do. More than that. He didn't have to loan it to you, you know."

"I know. I'll pay him back. But I need money to buy a camera and some equipment from a professor who wants to get rid of it before the semester ends. I don't know how much it will be. Maybe $500 or $600. And I'll pay you back when I get my paycheck this summer."

"I guess I can."

"I'll let you know how much I need after I talk to him about a price."

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Flash forward to our recent chat about his Garmin internship.

"Oh, I got my camera! I got a really good deal. I got $1000 worth of equipment for $350! And I only need to borrow $250. So you can put that in my account."

"All right. Don't you have enough cameras?"

"This one is Russian. It was made in 1986, in a town only 30 miles from Chernobyl. It's probably radioactive. I looked it up, and that's when Chernobyl had the meltdown. Oh, and I got a keyboard that has spent the last 20 years here on campus in the particle accelerator! Supposedly it's been shielded by lead, but now I may get lead poisoning."

"You know what they say: 'If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.' I'm not so sure you came out ahead. He just wanted to unload that radioactive equipment without calling in a hazmat team. You need to get that stuff checked out."

"How am I going to do THAT?"

"You can't tell me that at your college, formerly known as The School of Mines, there is not a single Geiger counter on campus."

"I'm sure there is one. But getting it would require me to break into the facility that my former roommates were arrested in for trespassing."

"I'm sure you have connections. Someone who knows someone who knows someone who can get it for you to use for an hour, then put it back."

"Yeahhhh. Maybe...."

"Otherwise, you will go sterile, then die a slow, lingering death."

"Yeah. But I have $1000 worth of camera equipment for $350!"