Hick Has Plans for His Harem

Shh... don't tell anybody, but Hick has a plan for his harem of elderly women at the senior apartments. He's going to give them valentines! Not the paper kind, like a kid at school. Though the thought of that makes me smile: the little old ladies making themselves a valentine box, decorating it to impress Hick.

Hick is wanting to give them candy. A little valentine box of candy. He had The Pony and me checking around to see if we could find something suitable on our Errand Day. We found a little heart-shaped box of candy at Country Mart. It looked like the right size. Cost $3.99. Then The Pony looked closer, and saw that it only contained three pieces! That's not enough. Not for that price. The next larger box was $8.99. I don't know how many pieces of candy, but that's too much to pay for 10 elderly ladies. That's almost 1/3 of Hick's monthly salary, heh, heh!

When I was in Save A Lot, I saw a small heart-shaped box of chocolates. It was $1.69, and had five pieces. That seemed right. I bought one, and brought it home to show Hick. He was reading the back of the box, where it listed what kind. I remember caramel and strawberry cream. I told him I bought it as a sample, and that he could open it. To which Hick declared: "I'll eat that later!" Meaning the whole thing.

Anyhoo... I hope Hick goes to buy them soon, before the store runs out. I COULD do it, but this is Hick's good deed, and Hick's harem. I am not making a special trip to buy his treats.

To the Hickster Go the Spoils

I asked Hick what kind of things he found while cleaning out the apartment of the elderly woman who recently passed away. Meaning what kind of treasures he might have gotten. Hick's answer was, "Lots of trash." Of course I had to interrogate inquire further. A lot of the trash was paperwork, like old tax forms and receipts.

Hick paid Old Buddy for help in cleaning up. It was three hours of work, so Old Buddy got $60 of Hick's $250 fee. Hick also gave him some things from the apartment.

"I took the clothes to donate them, like the daughter wanted. There was some purses. I took half, and Old Buddy took half. I found a little baby quilt, and I kept that. And an iron stand. It's like a metal plate with feet, that you set an old-fashioned iron on. I also took a couple of knick-knacks. Two birds. Then after we'd been to the dump, and had taken the other stuff down to my locker, Old Buddy found a hanging rack of shoes on the back of the door. I said he could have them, because I didn't want to drive back down to my locker. There was all kinds of shoes. Tennis shoes, slippers, and regular shoes. People buy them. So Old Buddy can have them."

Hick said he also found a "bunch of blankets." Meaning those fleece throws that were given as bingo prizes. He kept all them at the apartments, in his office. He's going to give them to other residents. I don't remember what the dump cost.

Hick didn't make a fortune off of his $250 service. But he cleared some cash, and got a couple of collectibles, and just what every man needs: some purses.

Loosey Goosey at the SUS2.5

With temps above freezing this week, and some of the snow melting, nothing would do for Hick but to travel down to his creekside cabin and retrieve his goose. I didn't even know he had a goose. I knew he had a deer head down there that the mice ate. So I was not too optimistic about getting Hick's goose. Turns out it was just fine. He loaded it in SilverRedO to take to his SUS2.5 (Storage Unit Store 2.5).

Of course he had to send me a picture of it hanging. Not that I can make it out clearly. There are a lot of distractions in the background. Again, I don't even know what some of that merchandise is for.

I can see a clock. Some belts or straps. A few pictures. Some fishing lures on the shelf on the right. Some tied flies in a frame to the left. I could not figure out what's on the pegboard behind the goose's head. At first I thought they were lead sinkers for fishing line. Then I decided they were just some kind of clip to hold things on the pegboard. It wasn't until I tried to get a closeup of the goose that I figured it out. I believe those are pistols, and we are just seeing the back of the grip. My dad always took a pistol when we went fishing. For snakes.

The goose itself looks a bit worse for wear. Like some bully tousled its head. Then again, it's pretty old. Hick said he bought it with a bunch of other stuff, because the guy said it was just hanging there, doing nothing. Which it has done in Hick's creekside cabin, and now in the SUS2.5. I don't know that they EXPECT it to do! It's a dead stuffed goose. Hick paid $50 for it. I imagine he would sell it if he got an offer.

Val Has Been Knocked Over by a Feather

Did Not-Heaven just freeze over? I know it's been excessively cold around here, but that doesn't explain a sudden turn of events. The cake has been taken. My flabber has been gasted. Pigs are surely flying above Backroads!

On Tuesday, Hick was offered a payment for his wrecked trailer!

"I talked to The Buddy today. He asked me if I would take $1500 for my wrecked trailer. Said his relative (the one who actually wrecked the trailer The Buddy had borrowed from Hick) was giving him $1500, to see if they could call it done."

"I'm shocked! I didn't think we'd ever see a penny for that trailer."

"Yeah, I'm a little surprised."

"What did you pay for the new one?"

"Nineteen hundred."

"What did you pay for the one that got wrecked?"

"Fourteen fifty, two years ago. But I had just put $600 worth of tires on it."

"Well. I'm surprised he's offering you this amount. I'd say go ahead, and then The Buddy can quit worrying about it."

"Yeah, that's what I was thinking. But I wanted to see what you thought."

"The Buddy isn't the one who wrecked it, and his relative didn't do it on purpose. They thought they had insurance on it. It was an accident. Nobody got hurt. They need the money more than we do. I'd say take the $1500 and be done with it."

"Okay. I'll tell him."

Thursday evening, Hick came home with 15 hundred-dollar bills. The trailer chapter has ended.

Hick Knows How to Make a Buck

Hick had some sad news last week from the senior apartments. One of the residents passed away. Not IN her apartment. Her family had moved her into a care home in December. They were still paying the apartment rent. I asked Hick if she was having issues, and needed assistance.

"That's the funny thing. She was just fine. Cuttin' up with them other gals at lunch. I'd tell them jokes. Like 'What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb? You can unscrew a light bulb.' She'd just laugh and laugh along with them. I didn't see nothin' wrong with her, except she was 89 years old. Then all of a sudden, they tell me she died!

The gal who runs the lunch service said the son-in-law asked if she knew anbody who could clean out the apartment and get rid of the stuff. I said that I'd do it for $250. To ask and see if he wanted to talk to me. He did. He said they'd go through and get what they wanted, and then they'd pay me to clear out everything else. He asked if I'd take the clothes to the local ministerial alliance, so they could go to somebody who needed them. I said I would. He said that's what his wife wanted. I said if it was nice stuff, I would." 

Well. A few days later, Hick said he had the apartment almost cleaned out. "Except for the clothes. They're going to the dump when I take some other stuff to throw away."

"You can't do that! You promised you'd take them to the alliance store. I think it's terrible not to carry out a dead woman's wishes."

"It wasn't the dead woman. It was what her daughter wanted. Nobody's gonna want the clothes of an 89-year-old woman."

"Still. You said you would do it."

"They'll never know."

This was upsetting. If you say you'll do something, you should do it!

Yesterday, Hick said that he'd be meeting with the son-in-law so he could look through the apartment, and then pay Hick his $250.

"Oh, and I took the clothes over to the thrift store. So I did what they wanted."

Good for Hick. It was only the decent thing to do. Also, Hick said there was a family picture.

"I kept it and showed the son-in-law. I figured since it was family, they'd want it. He said no! 'Nobody wants that! It's my wife with her first husband, and their kids. She sure doesn't want it, and I don't, either.' He was pretty clear on that. But I thought I should ask."

Anyhoo... the apartment has been cleaned, and Hick rented it to somebody else. Plus, he made almost his monthly salary with the clean-out. Less the cost of the dump.

He Said/He Said/He Said

Remember the hubbub Hick and Business Owner had over HIS LAND that is being used as part of a business driveway? They reached an agreement on January 8 for Hick to get $1200 for HIS LAND in exchange for his silence at a variance meeting about the property. Then both agreed to pay half the costs for a title search.

I signed the paperwork on Thursday, January 15. I remember it well, because it was Thursday errand day, the day after my yearly lunch with my best old ex-teaching buddy Mabel, and the day before the big cold snap on Friday, when I started staying home due to the weather.

Hick asked me that afternoon if the gal at the title company gave me a check. No. She said that Business Owner hadn't been there yet. From what I recall, they were expecting him later that afternoon, though I don't remember her exact words. That was just my impression. Hick said he figured they'd call him to come pick up the check. The call never came.

This Monday, February 2, Hick went by the title office. To ask about his check. They didn't have it. Said that Business Owner hadn't signed the papers yet.

"She said they had called him several times, but he hadn't come in. So I sent a text to his son. I said, 'I know you're just the middle man, but I did my part. You'd think your dad could at least have the decency to do what he promised.' He said he'd talk to his dad. A few minutes later he sent back a text that his dad was on his way over there now to sign. That nobody from the title office had ever contacted him that the papers were ready."

"Well, you seem like the rumpushole now."

"How's that? I did what I was supposed to. He's the reason I didn't get the check."

"It's the way you worded it."

"I didn't say nothin' bad! Only that I did my part, and he should do his. I'll read it to you..."

"See? Right there. When you said, 'You'd think he'd have the decency.' That was not necessary. It's like trying to start a fight."

"Well, HE's the one who didn't sign the papers. And I did."

"Yeah. It's been two weeks. But you didn't need to have a chip on your shoulder."

Anyhoo... Hick got a call the next day, and picked up the check. It wasn't from the title company. It was from Business Owner. A business check, made out to Hick for the $1200. Which meant we had to write a check to the title company for $147.50 for our half of the title search. Not a big deal. Just an unexpected inconvenience. Usually at a closing, the buyer pays the title company, who then pays the seller, after deducting out fees.

I'm not sure who's the reason for the delay. It's not Hick, because he signed the papers, and I went the next day and signed. MAYBE the title company called Business Owner, and he didn't recognize the number and didn't answer. MAYBE they left a message and he didn't get it. MAYBE he knew all about it, and was just making it difficult for Hick to collect the check. 

For being such a "nice guy," according to his son and some of Hick's acquaintances... Business Owner sure seems to have an odd way of doing business.

Courtesy of Hick's Two Feet

In the midst of my open house here, showing the interior that is finished, though cluttered, of Bargain House... there was a development behind the scenes. Thursday, Hick came home with some news:

"I was getting my toes done this afternoon (his monthly pedicure), and The Gal said she was living with her husband's family, and she was really unhappy about it. I told her I had fixed up a house and was ready to sell it. She wanted to look at it. So I showed her."

"You took her in the house? With all that junk laying around?"

"It didn't hurt nothin'. She could see the house. She said she liked it. Several times. She really liked it. She asked how much I wanted for it, and I told her that amount we agreed on. She said she was going to tell her husband."

"Do they have kids? It's only two bedrooms. They'd have to share a bedroom."

"Two boys. One is at least old enough to drive. She said they already share a room now, where they're staying. That's not a problem. If she wants it, we can just go through the title company, and we won't have to pay a commission to a realtor."

"Is she from here? Does she know how to get loan and all that? Maybe she NEEDS a realtor to walk her through what to do. I AM from here, and I would be lost. I'd rather have a realtor handle everything for me."

"I think she's from Vietnam. Her English is okay. I assume she knows how to get a loan. I was talkin' to one of my buddies, and he said, 'You never know. They might just pay cash for it. Maybe they've been saving.' Which is true. I said I could show her the house in the evening, but she said she had another job then. So we went in the day."

"Well, I'm not going to count on it."

"She really wants it. But we'll see."

On Friday, Hick came home saying that The Gal had brought Her Husband to see the house. 

"He wasn't as excited about it as she was. He didn't like the bathroom floor. The small bathroom. Because it's not the same flooring as the living room. If that's all that's stopping them, I'd rip up the floor and replace it to match. It's only about $150 and a couple hours of work. They're coming back on Sunday, and bringing somebody else to look at it."

"Who else would they be bringing? Like, an appraiser? Or family?"

"I don't know. Only that I'm going to meet them on Sunday afternoon."

It was actually starting to sound like this deal might be serious. But then on Saturday night, Hick got a text from The Gal.

"She says she can only get a loan for $100,000. Because she just bought a car. So they don't have enough. She was letting me know, so I don't have to meet them tomorrow."

"Well, that's too bad. She really wanted it. But at least she knows how to go about getting a loan."

"Yeah. It would have been a good deal for both of us."

You never know. Hick might charm someone else into taking a look at Bargain House. But I doubt his feet will have anything to do with it.

Bargain House Progress: Kitchen

There's really no new progress on the kitchen. You've seen the pictures of it completed. These are just pictures The Pony took after cleaning. Though I don't know how effective that cleaning could be, what with Hick having junk strewn across the counters.

See what I mean? At least this picture gives you an idea of how the kitchen is situated, at the end of the living room. That kitchen window looks out on the side street where Hick parks SilverRedO.

There wasn't much cleaning to do for the microwave, stove, and refrigerator, since they're all new. I like how Hick left the tag on the oven door. Again, there's his assorted clutter.

Here's the other side of the kitchen. Room for a table. That door goes into the hall that goes past the big bathroom, and leads to the big bedroom.

This concludes our progress tour of Bargain House. But there's a story about it coming up.

Bargain House Progress: Large Bedroom

The large bedroom of Bargain House has been done for a while. It is also remarkably free of clutter! Plus it includes artwork from Hick's collection, heh, heh!

I don't consider that box on the bed to be clutter, after seeing the state of the other rooms. That's a twin size bed Hick had in the Beauty Shop. He might nap there while Old Buddy works! There is plenty of room in here for a larger bed. That's a decent closet.

This bedroom has two windows. The left one looks out into the back yard, and the other is on the side with a view of the neighbor's house. I like the black baseboard trim. It goes well with the flooring.

You get to this bedroom through a door off the kitchen. There's a little hallway without a door to the actual bedroom. The big bathroom is off that hall. Here's an older picture to get an idea:

That white door leads into the kitchen. The opening on the right is the door to the big bathroom. This is before Hick put down the flooring.

In looking through the older pictures, I discovered where Hick is getting his artwork! Seems there's a plethora of wall hangings that were in the house when we bought it.

There's the picture that hangs in the living room now! The closet here was enlarged to make the small bathroom. A door was put in where those pictures are stacked, to access the living room. And a closet was built where the wardrobe is standing next to the pictures.

Hick is kind of a wizard when it comes to renovating an old house.

Bargain House Progress: Large Bathroom

The large (originally the ONLY) bathroom in Bargain House is truly finished. Has been for a while. The Pony was just dusting it off. A little scrubbing and toilet cleaning, mainly.

Hick has even decorated THIS room with art, heh, heh. I stand by my approval of the flooring choice, and only regret that structural issues under the house prevented the vent from being in a less prominent location. Hick was not going to move a support beam to relocate a vent.

That's a brand-new tub and shower enclosure. No reason for a buyer to feel squeamish about using a used tub. The toilet and sink are also new. This bathroom got ripped down to the studs, and was completely re-done. Of course, everything in the small bathroom is also new, since no bathroom existed there before Hick framed it out of part of the front bedroom.

The fancy lights add a nice touch. I'm hoping in reality that they make the bathroom lighter than The Pony's picture! That's just a mirror, but there's a medicine cabinet on the wall to the left, out of the picture.

The good news is that there's no clutter piled in this room!

Bargain House Progress: Living Room

The living room of Bargain House is now finished. The flooring is all down, with trim boards painted and installed for the floor and windows.

Of course the sawhorses are not part of the décor, and will not be sold with the house. I think I heard you gasp at the picture. Indeed, I am flabbergasted as well, relying on Hick's statement that "The house is ready to list." Maybe he thought that hanging the questionable artwork made it ready.

I do like the curved ceiling in here, with the original swirl pattern. It's different. Not a cookie-cutter ceiling. There's some retro vibe going on. The front door is to the left of that window. This looks like The Pony took this picture by standing in the door of the small bathroom.

Are you ready for more clutter? Here's the other end of the living room:

It takes a lot of bits and pieces to overhaul a whole house. That window looks out on the side street where Hick parks SilverRedO. There's the entry to the kitchen. Looks like Hick has installed a throne for himself here, to watch Old Buddy work, heh, heh.

Hick stands by his statement that the house is ready to list with a real estate agency. He scoffs when I say that nobody wants to look at a house all cluttered with tools. "Val. A good two hours will get everything cleaned out." Well, then. I say it's time to spend two hours doing that! If, indeed, Bargain House is completely finished.

Bargain House Progress: Small Bedroom

From the small bathroom of Bargain House, we now take a look at the front bedroom it adjoins. That's the door to the bathroom on the left, that is by the shower. The front bedroom looked much nicer right after Hick finished it. Now it seems to have become a storage area for Hick's tools. Especially since he had to move them from the living room to put down flooring there.

See? This does not look like a house ready to list with a real estate agent! Technically, the room is finished and ready to live in. Except for the accumulated odds and ends that might be needed elsewhere in the house. I do like the mirror hanging there, and the light fixture Hick chose.

The dresser, and the end of the bed frame that you see in the background, are furniture Hick moved from the Double Hovel flip house(s). Which originally came from the QuickFlip house we had for a couple months, then sold to an old lady and her grandson. She still lives there, and even had lunch one day a couple months ago at the Senior Center.

This front bedroom is an L shape, due to the addition of the second bathroom. Hick figured that would be a better selling point that a larger bedroom.

That's a full size bed. Otherwise, this little alcove could be used for a desk or sitting area, or to put the dresser, or kids' play area. A bed can easily fit along the front wall under the window, with the head against the side wall with the window you see in the first picture.

The Pony couldn't do much cleaning in here, other than wipe down the baseboards and Swiffer the open floor area. I'm not so sure this picture wasn't taken to shame Hick for the clutter!

Bargain House Progress: Small Bathroom

Over the next few days, I'll be showing you parts of Bargain House. I don't want to load all the pictures at once. HIPPIE has been overheating and shutting down several times a day. Also, I'm lazy, and lose interest after a couple of photos.

On Monday, Hick picked up The Pony, who was going to do some cleaning while Hick was without Old Buddy, and putting up trim board.

We'll start with the small bathroom that's off the living room, and also opens into the front bedroom.

Looks like Hick has been doing some interior decorating! I don't think I'd be wanting to use that towel to dry my hands. Especially after Hick's instructions to The Pony.

"I told Pony, 'You have to clean the toilet, too.' And Pony said, 'There isn't a toilet brush.' 

I said, 'Just use a rag and get down in there and scrub it.'"

"EWW! I wouldn't do that! Not without gloves!"

"Why not? I do it. It's just water."

"Not after you've been using it all this time while you're working there! And Old Buddy, too! I don't blame Pony a bit. That's nasty to do with bare hands."

"Well, we found the toilet brush in the big bathroom. So it got cleaned anyway." (Which was obviously after the picture was taken!)

The shower looks nice and sparkly. Though The Pony didn't take credit, saying it was already pretty clean, and will just need some Windex on the outer side, once Hick is completely done with raising dust while sawing and hammering. Hick finally put on the shower door, which he had to special order from Lowe's. The door there leads into the front bedroom.

This is the only room from the pictures The Pony sent me which actually looks ready for Bargain House to be listed for sale. Hick has been a bit misleading (shocker) about the degree of "done-ness" of Bargain House. 

Which you will see as I show the other rooms...

Dead of Winter

I made Hick stay home on Sunday, with the deadly wind chills after the 9 inches of snow. He puttered around the house, declaring that he was going to town on Monday. Which was no better weather, other than the snow was over, and the sun came out.

There's SilverRedO, parked on the side street at Bargain House. At least Hick waited until 8:00 to leave home, rather than 6:00. He said the roads were terrible.

The sidewalk for Bargain House's back door is there somewhere! Hick was planning to list Bargain House for sale this week. I persuaded him to wait until the snow has melted. I don't want the listing photos to show the snow. If it's still on the market in the summer, people are going to look at it and right away say, "Oh, something must be wrong with this one if it's been on the market so long." Whereas if the pictures are not proclaiming a certain season, they might ask for a tour, not thinking to look up how long it's been for sale.

On a sad note, Hick found out that Realtor passed away on Sunday evening. I had been worried about her since she called Hick on December 29th and said she would be retiring. Especially since her unfortunate ambulance ride she discussed at our next-to-last last closing. She was a nice lady, about a year older than Hick. She grew up in a rough part of town (according to her stories), and worked hard for what she got. She's the one who listed Pony House. Hick liked the way she did business, and we used her agency ever since. 

As Hick said, she was doing what she loved, right up until the last month. He talked to the young guy who worked with her, who said she didn't even tell HIM anything about her health, only that she was retiring to have some time for herself. She will be missed.

This is Why The Pony Needs Helicoptering

We ended up with about 9 inches of snow. Here's a view from my kitchen table, of the back porch through the window. No way am I opening the door to single-digit temps for a picture!

This was Monday. Nice and sunny. 

Hick took a picture on Sunday morning, before the accumulation was done. He DID open the door, and swept off some snow that blew right back later.

Relieved that The Pony was safe at home, with prescriptions filled and food in the fridge and the cabinets open to stave off freezing water lines... I didn't intrude on the weekend. Sunday evening, during a break watching football, I called to set up a workday with Hick at Bargain House. The Pony was planning on sweeping and Swiffering and cleaning the bathrooms. Hick was itching to get out in the 9 inches of snow and below-zero temps, and Old Buddy wasn't working.

"Dad says he can come pick you up tomorrow at 10:00, and you can work on cleaning Bargain House while he finishes some painting. Make sure to wear real shoes. And a coat. In case you get stranded in the snow. I know it's only a couple miles from your house, but this is deadly cold."

"Yeah. And how many cars did dad run off the road when he tried to pick you up from the hospital in that snowstorm?"

"At least two!"

"I was with him in the last one, waiting to get pulled out!"

"He's taking that same road again, if our blacktop road hasn't been plowed."

"Oh, great. Hey, wanna hear something you might find disturbing?"

"Well... I guess so."

"You know how I've been telling you I think squirrels are getting in my attic? From the corner of my house by the driveway? I wanted to see if they were leaving footprints out there where I suspect they're going in. So I went outside in the snow to look. I was running a hot bath. I went out to walk along the back of my house and look around the corner. Without shoes."

"NOOOO! You could lose your feet! What if you fell? You could have died in a few minutes! It's SO COLD!!!"

"I'm fine, Mom. Remember when our hot tub used to work? And Dad would take me and Genius out there in the winter?"

"Yes. You were probably 4 or 5."

"Sometimes there was snow that had blown in under the porch. Or just the concrete being so cold. But the first 30 seconds of putting my cold feet in the hot water felt SO GOOD! Just like today when I put my snowy feet in the bathtub!"

"Dang it, Pony! I'm trying to keep you alive! Don't do stuff like that!"

"Mom. I'm fine. I'll wear shoes to go work on the house."

No word on whether The Pony found squirrel-invasion evidence. I didn't think to ask.

The Universe Even Smiles on Val's Rumpus Some Days

Wednesday evening, Hick came in with a stack of three papers. Papers that needed filling out by Thursday. Papers that would not be filled out by Hick, whose writing is virtually illegible. His Rs look like Ws. I can barely decipher the NUMBERS on the monthly itemization of cash outlays for Bargain House. At least there are only 10 numbers. Not 26 letters.

___________________________________________________________

Welp! Here's a prime example of why I must do the filling out of forms. I just had a space cadet moment, forgetting if there are 24 or 26 letters in the alphabet. I called out the question to Hick. 

"How many letters in the alphabet?"

"27."

"No way! I know it's 24 or 26. It's definitely not 27!"

"A...B...C..." Hick was counting on his fingers. "Yep! 27!"

"NO! I know that's too many!"

"Look it up on your phone, then!" Hick said as I sat in front of HIPPIE, typing.

I consulted my estranged BFF Google. "It's 26. What'd you do, make up a letter?"

"I guess I left one out." 

Looks like I won't consult Hick about math, either!

___________________________________________________________

Anyhoo... this paperwork was forms from the title company Hick brought home to fill out for the sale of HIS LAND.

"I thought they were doing all the paperwork. That's what we're paying them for."

"They just need this basic stuff to put in. Like the legal description of the property. And our signatures saying we're married. That's why you have to go by there tomorrow to sign papers. Because I'm married to you. I signed all the papers today. Now you have to."

This was not something I particularly wanted to do, but I looked up the legal description with township and plot and block from the tax receipts, and filled out all the info I knew. Then I had to call The Pony so we could meet earlier for Errand Day, to allow time for the title office. 

Usually we are all there together for such a transaction. Now Hick had abandoned me. But The Pony was willing to accompany me, to stop my rolly chair from sliding out from under me, and to assist me with a hand in getting up from the table after the signing.

"I really hate this, Pony. I've been stressing all night. I think I'll take my cane. I feel more secure. Nobody wants to have to get me up off the floor!"

"I'll help you, Mom. No problem."

"Maybe you can take in these forms, and just say, 'My mom needed to drop these off and sign papers. Are you ready for that now, or should she come back. She wanted to know before she walked in.' They know us there. They know how I hobble."

"Yes. I can do that."

The Pony trotted in, while I readied my cane. They have a nice concrete ramp there, with a rail. Or three steps with a rail. But the doorjamb is a step up. The Pony returned in five minutes.

"She looked at the papers, and went to the file to see if they were ready. She says she can bring them out to you if that would be more convenient."

"YES! That's great!"

The Pony went back to tell her. The gal came out. It's not the one we usually have at closings, who Hick had talked to and was doing the title search. I don't recall having met this one. But she was SO NICE! I got those papers signed in no time, from the comfort of T-Hoe's leather seat.

"Thank you so much for bringing these out. It really helps me. Oh, and my name is spelled wrong on all three signature places."

"Oh, no!"

"Maybe I could cross through them, and print the right spelling, and initial?"

"No. I think we have a way we can fix it. I need to check the other papers, too. To make sure we get it right. We already have a copy of your ID from the last closing, so I don't have to get that."

It was the easiest closing ever! Hick asked later if she gave me the check. But she had told us the other party had not yet been there to sign. So they'll call Hick when they have the check ready, after subtracting out our half of the closing costs.

That darn Hick needs to learn how to spell my name! And if the title company had my ID, why didn't they check THAT to make sure the spelling was right? Probably because they trusted Hick to know how to spell his own wife's name the first time we were there, and he got it wrong. They must have been referring to those initial papers when drawing up new ones. Because I've had to tell them it's wrong at other closings, too. Oh, and Hick still hasn't changed my name on the title on his new old trailer yet.

Pony Goes A-Druggin', Uh Huh

We were able to squeeze in Errand Day on Thursday, ahead of the upcoming storm. I wanted to make sure The Pony was prepared.

"Do you need things from the store while we're there? Because you won't want to get out. Tomorrow the high will be in single digits, and the wind chill below zero. Then the snow Friday night and Saturday. You don't need to be out getting food, or making someone else risk their life to deliver it."

"I have a few things to get, like apples and peanut butter and bread. But my freezer is full."

So I was relieved when I dropped The Pony off later. No need to get out in the dangerous weather.

"When I leave, you back your car out, and then back into your driveway. That way you're facing out, in case the street gets plowed and leaves a snowbank. Also, if your car won't start, Dad can pull in nose-to-nose to jump your battery. Or AAA, or whoever. But they won't have to drive in your yard and risk sliding down into your car or the house."

"Yeah. I'm pretty sure my battery won't be a problem, because Dad just got me a new one a few months ago."

"You never know with these below-zero temperatures for four days!"

"Okay. And I'll also pop up my windshield wipers. Because I know how hard it is to get them loose with snow or ice over them."

Of course I called when I got home, to make sure The Pony had done those two things. As well as open up the kitchen cabinets under the sink, to help the water not freeze, and let the tap drip.

"Yeah. But I didn't turn on the water yet. And I'm leaving the windshield wipers down, because I checked, and I need to pick up a refill on one of my prescriptions tomorrow."

"Tomorrow! It's going to be so cold!"

"I'll be fine, Mom. I've been out in the cold before."

"You wear a coat! And actual SHOES! Not those slides!"

"Okay. I will."

"And text me when you're back home and inside the house!"

"I will, Mother."

Except Friday at 11:00, The Pony sent me a text:

"I just checked, I can wait until Monday or Tuesday to get the prescription so I won't do a town trip. So you can relax. I love you, Mom!"

"There might be snow then!!! And it'll be just as cold! You can go today. Safer today."

The Pony waffled on that idea. But a phone call and my insistence that being out on a cold day was better than being out on a cold day with snow on the roads. The Pony countered that the roads would be clear on Tuesday. I begged to differ. "The chemicals won't work at temps this low! We're getting 9-12 inches! Those roads won't be clear for a while. And the pharmacy might be closed, because their workers can't get in."

By 12:30, The Pony was ready to leave. It was the lesser of two possible heart attacks for me! The Pony agreed to text me at each stop. Which now included lunch out.

It looked delicious to me, who was having no lunch. Except for the sushi. I recognize white rice, crab rangoons, and sweet and sour chicken. I'd eat the other stuff, too, though I don't know what it is.

Anyhoo... The Pony was home by 1:47. With the refill. Backed in. Wipers up.

Such a relief. It's really hard for my helicopter to lift off, in singe digit temps, especially after being up on blocks for so long.

The Stick Might Be Too Long to Reach the Carrot

Remember way back in September, when Val was overruled by Hick and The Pony, concerning a possible new flip house? Which, for obvious reasons, we call Cheap House. Too good to be true. Which is proving to be the case.

In October, we still hadn't heard anything about a closing date. By December, I was starting to think this deal would never be completed. 

Last week, Hick went by the financial institution to take out some of HIS MONEY to buy merchandise for his SUS2.5 (Storage Unit Store 2.5) on the day he (deliberately or not) avoided bringing me home a REUBEN. He talked to Loan Officer about what was taking so long to get a closing date.

"He said they are going to foreclose. That the lady can't pay off the judgements against the property that they found in the title search. That one of them alone is over $10,000. And she ain't been callin' me about it lately, either. 

Loan Officer says they have to post a notice in the paper. Then it will have to be auctioned on the courthouse steps. That's legally how they have to do it. But once they foreclose on it, the judgements go away. We can't be responsible for any money owed. That falls back on the owner who got foreclosed."

"So we might not end up with it at all? If somebody else bids more than what our offer was, that they already approved?"

"Yeah. I guess they could take the best offer."

"I'm not paying one cent more than our original offer!"

"I know. I'm not, either."

"It won't bother me all that much if we don't get it."

"Yeah. It's a good price for where it is, but I'm not changing anything we've talked about to buy it."

I called The Pony, who agrees that with it having been so much trouble already, trying to acquire this house, maybe it's not meant to be. The Pony is fine with letting it go to somebody else, rather than increase our offer.

Something else will come along. Or nobody else will want this property, and we'll get it for our previously agreed-upon (and approved) price.

Inching Towards a Listing

Hick got a text from RE Agent one evening this week. He's the guy who is taking over Realtor's business since her retirement. RE Agent was asking how much we had rented the Double Hovel main house for. Said an appraiser wanted to know. Hick told him we never rented it. Just sold it.

WHY would an appraiser want to know that? Surely the buyer isn't selling it already, after dismantling Hick's work in that cute little Beauty Shop apartment! Hick said he had seen the washer and dryer sitting on the curb in front of the main house. Not sure which of the two houses this came out of. I could understand if the guy got new appliances. But just to tear them out and give them away seems counterproductive if it was the Beauty Shop. It's hard to let go of that little darling!

Anyhoo... RE Agent also asked when Hick might be ready to list Bargain House. Hick told him maybe next week. Not so great, with four days of snow and below-zero weather coming up this weekend. But not too bad, because pretty soon people will be getting their tax refunds, and might want to use them as part of a down payment. The Pony and I have agreed on Hick's price, and vow to let it languish at that amount until May or June before we lower it.

Hick is piddling around with odds and ends. Cleaning out his tools and lumber. Yesterday he painted the laundry room. He put in a storm door on the back of Bargain House on Thursday.

"Storm door installed." Actually, Hick's text said, "Store door installed." But I know that's not what he meant. I am fluent in Hick-speak and Hick-write.

"Nice. I didn't know you had one."

"I have lots of stuff I aquire (apparently spelling is NOT something Hick has acquired.) New door is almost $300.I bought this one from a guy at the lockers."

"For how much?"

"$100.00."

I can imagine Hick as a Mr. Haney, traveling through Backroads in a broken-down old truck loaded with assorted "treasures." Except Hick would be an honest trader.

Bear With Us

Hick sent me a picture of his newest acquisition for the SUS2.5 (Storage Unit Store 2.5).

"My new bear."

Let the record show that Hick does not have an old bear. This is his first and only bear. That I know of. I don't know why Hick wanted a bear, other than for the ambiance of his SUS2.5. 

"How much was that? And where did you get it?"

"From one of my customers. It was $200."

"Did he shoot it himself?" 

[We do have black bears in our area, and Missouri has a bear-hunting season.]

"No. I don't know where he got it."

"Are you going to sell it?"

"I don't WANT to sell it. But if somebody offers me the right price, I will. I'd take $300 for it. I never plan on selling my deer heads, either, but I've sold about 10 of them."

Hick has plenty of things to sell. That's why he's paying rent on three storage lockers, I guess. This is in his main shop, that has a heater so he can sell through the winter. His high-dollar shop, with his most lucrative merchandise. 

Here's the big picture, to put that bear in context:

As I've said before, Hick's shop reminds me of that one in Gremlins, where the inadequate inventor guy bought the Mogwai. So much going on in this photo. I recognize some items, but others are a mystery.

Not sure what kind of firearms are hanging there. Most definitely not the high-dollar ones, which are locked up. Hick sells a lot of ammunition to hunters through the fall. And maybe winter. I don't think it's a seasonal thing. They don't want to run out, and they want it for a good price.

The headless horns are not doing this shop any favors, but I suppose there's a buyer for everything. I see a couple lanterns. A soldier with a musket. A powder horn for gunpowder. A gazing ball held by antlers. A toy UPS truck. Prince Albert in a can! Some plastic horses. And a weird thing that makes me think of a genie in a bottle.

I suppose the fishing lure market will become more lucrative as the weather warms up. Hick has a bazillion fishing poles that he buys cheap, and refurbishes. With a couple of state parks in the area, and assorted rivers, people buy them if they've forgotten or broken theirs. Hick is cheaper than Walmart.

Walmart probably doesn't stock bear heads.

It Just Ain't a Reuben

Last week, we had lunch with my best old ex-teaching buddy Mabel. It's something we usually do just before Christmas, to exchange gifts and Chex Mix and homemade chocolate covered cherries. This year, the schedule was tight, and we didn't get together until after Christmas. In past years, we went to Mabel's beautiful house, but lately we've just been meeting at a restaurant in her town, because of my knees not liking to get in and out of a car multiple times.

We meet at 11:00, because Hick likes to have breakfast for lunch.

This was two eggs, hash browns, bacon, and biscuits and gravy. Hick heartily enjoyed it.

Mabel loves the burgers. She contemplates something else, but goes with her favorite.

That's the basic burger, with the fixin's on the side. In the background is Mr. Mabel, who chose chicken strips and fries for both his sides. 

I was in a quandary. I like the chicken quesadillas. And the burgers. And the pretzel sticks with burnt end mustard sauce. And the grilled chicken sandwich. I'd thought about having a pork sandwich. Not the BBQ pulled pork, but the pounded-out fried patty kind of pork. But then I learned that the special that day was BBQ pork steak, with two sides. Which meant I could have fries AND slaw. So that's what I chose.

The slaw was delicous, and plentiful. The fries are always good. Crisp on the outside, tender on the inside. At first bite, the pork steak was good. I even declared that it was tasty. But upon subsequent sampling, it was not what I had anticipated. Rather than a nice fatty juicy pork steak, such as we grill at home... this was more akin to a pork CHOP. The meat was tender enough, but more dry. Well, the meat that I could access!

We chatted and caught up with happenings and not much gossip this time. Hick ate his entire plate, but the other three of us asked for take-out containers. Of course I finished my slaw, but took some of the pork steak home, along with a few fries. I wasn't so full that I couldn't continue, but I don't like eating once everybody else is done.

When I got out my leftovers for supper, I was further dissatisfied with my BBQ pork steak.

It was mostly BONE! I buy pork steaks for grilling. Some have the big bone, some have a small bone, and some have no bone. I told Hick, I'm sure that's the reason for the "special." They serve the good pork steaks on other days, to people who order it. But on the day for the special, they get rid of the bony pieces. That's my theory, and I'm stickin' to it! I won't order this special again.

Meanwhile, today as I type this, it is REUBEN DAY at the Senior Center. Hick is gone on a monthly buying trip for his SUS2.5 (Storage Unit Store 2.5). Even though he's had the January menu since December, he had to pick this specific day of the month to buy his goods. 

NO REUBEN FOR VAL!

That's a shame.

Hick's Harem Wrap-Ups

Hick went back to the senior apartments on Monday. No lunch that day, as it was MLK day and they weren't open. The heat-seeking elderly was home. Hick investigated, and found that her heat was indeed not working! 

"Didn't that make you feel bad? That you didn't believe her?"

"Yeah, a little. But she was fine."

"Did you tell her you came by on Saturday, but she wasn't home?"

"No. But her living room and kitchen heat was working. It was the bathroom and bedroom that didn't. The heater had shorted out. I guess it was when she turned up the one in the bathroom. It's baseboard heat. It might have just been a fuse, but I didn't have time to check that, because I got a call about the guy coming for our own heat pump, and had to leave. 

Anyway, I just disconnected her bathroom unit, and I'll get her a new one. The bedroom will work now that the bathroom is off. So she has heat. She won't freeze.

While I was there, some of the others came to talk to me. Dog Lady saw me first, and said, 'Oh, no. Am I in trouble?' I told her no, I was there for something else. She said everything is fine now with her and Imbiber. They squashed their problem. The police came when she called them. He looked at Imbiber, who's real little and spindly, with a walker. And he looked at Dog Lady, who's bigger and kind of stout. Like, 'Why are YOU scared of HER?' He talked to them both, and made them apologize, and that's it. I told her it's just like I always tell everybody there: you have to learn to get along, or find somewhere else to live. She agreed.

Another old lady was there, too. She's really sweet. She said, 'Oh, there you are. You haven't been here in a week! I was worried about you. I'm so glad you're okay.' And she hugged me as I was leaving. Then on the way home, she called me. She said, 'I'm so sorry for hugging you. I know I shouldn't have done that, but I was just so happy to see that you were okay.' I told her it's fine. She can hug me if she wants to. I'm not mad."

Darn that Hick and his elderlies! They shouldn't make me tear up like this...

Once Again, Hick's Harem Beckons

Friday evening, Hick's phone rang. Once again, it was just as he sat down with his supper.

I could hear Hick's part of the conversation from the kitchen.

"Huh. Are you sure? It should be working. Turn it all the way up."

Then nothing. I didn't hear a goodbye. I thought Hick might be waiting for somebody to "turn it all the way up," and report the result. My first thought was that it might be The Pony, about a problem with his furnace. We were expecting single digit temps overnight for Saturday and Sunday. My second thought was that it might be The Veteran, who sometimes calls Hick while working on his truck.

Ten minutes went by, and I could no longer contain my inner Gladys Kravitz. 

"Who's that? What's that phone call about?"

"Just one of the crazy ladies from the apartments. She said her heater don't work. I know it works! I was just there on Wednesday, checking ALL of the heaters, in every apartment. They all worked. Including hers. I set them on 70, but apparently she turned hers down to 60. And now she say's it don't work! It's warmer in them apartments than 60. That's why it's not running. I told her to turn it up. I ain't heard nothin' back, so I guess it worked."

"Are you going to check on it? It's supposed to get REALLY cold!"

"I'll go by there tomorrow afternoon and make sure. But it was working fine when I tried it two days ago. She ain't gonna freeze. It's a second floor apartment. The ones above and below her have heat."

It's not that Hick is uncaring. Or is not performing the duties of his less-than-$300-a-month job. He had tested the heaters, and made sure they all worked. He was not going back to town Friday night to check on this one. He DID go on Saturday afternoon.

"She wasn't there. Nobody home."

"Huh. Maybe she doesn't have heat, and had to go stay somewhere warm!"

"I don't know where she was. But she ain't called back. I'm guessing it worked fine when she turned it up. If not, I guess she'll call me again."

At least this time it wasn't a fracas for Hick to break up. No police, unless that old gal called them to report Hick! He still hasn't heard anything about the Dog Lady and her nemesis. Which may be a good thing.

Hick, the Bi-Wheeler Dealer

Hick went back to the city last week, seeking more merchandise from the place he bought his new used trailer. For which he has yet to receive one red cent, but whatcha gonna do? Can't get blood from an old turnip. 

Anyhoo... this is a lady who is selling off stuff from her dead husband. She has a lot of things like old tools that interest Hick. And some things he usually doesn't seek out.

"She had two bicycles. One of 'em, I could lift with one hand! I couldn't believe how light it was. Some kind of 10-speed. It had really skinny tires. She thinks her husband paid $800 for it. I don't know how long ago that was. And she had another one she thinks he paid $300 for. It was a Mongoose, I think. She said she'd take $100 for the both of them."

"Well, I guess that's a good deal, if you have somebody who wants a bicycle. Walmart sells bicycles. I don't know if your customers want something like that."

"I figure that even if I can get $300 from the both of them, I've tripled my money."

Always the businessman. Hick might need another storage locker.

___________________________________________________________________

UPDATE:

Sunday morning, Hick said he has not yet bought the bicycles. And that lady called him on Saturday, and said she's been looking up the prices online.

"So she might not sell them to me for $100. I'll have to see what she says. She had also asked me about some of her cast iron skillets, and I said they were worth about $30 each. She said she looked them up, and they're somewhere between $20-$70. Well. So is $30. People get to looking this stuff up, but they have no idea what somebody will actually pay for them around here."

I guess this is what Hick gets for honestly telling that lady what her stuff is worth. He needs to smarten up. Not be so eager to be the nice guy. Just offer her a price, take it or leave it.

____________________________________________________________________

Hick's Harem Hijinks

Hick had just sat down with a bowl of pasta shells and a breadstick on Thursday evening when his phone rang. I could hear the ranting while Hick held it to his ear. Maybe it was just that loud, or maybe the sound flowed through Hick's head and came out his other ear...

It was one of the elderlies from the senior apartments. She started out asking if Hick had a minute to talk. 

"Well, I'm home, and I just sat down with my supper--"

I suppose that had just been a rhetorical question, because elderly Dog Lady cut off Hick's answer, and kept on harping. She was going so fast that I wasn't catching everything, and I took that time to change out of my town clothes. When I came back, Hick was saying

"I really can't do anything about that. Other than talk to her. Call the police."

Then some more hyper harping.

"Yes. That's a threat. Call the police, and they'll deal with it."

Dog Lady said, "Call the police? I'm doing that right now!" Hung up. No goodbye.

According to Hick, Dog Lady is the one who has the little dog, with a doctor's note that it's a service dog. And that she doesn't always take it outside, and sometimes it pees in the building. He's mentioned this issue to her before. The other residents don't like her because they think she gets special treatment for being allowed to have a pet. The elderly she was complaining about drinks all the time. Neither of them are the ones who "started the fire" a few weeks ago.

Anyhoo... according to Hick, Dog Lady said that Imbiber is always causing trouble, and told her, "I'm gonna kick your ass, and I'm gonna kill your dog!"

Which do, indeed, sound like threats. Nothing that Hick should be dealing with.

"They want me to be their babysitter! That's not my job. All I can do is talk to them, and I've done that before, telling them they'll have to get along, or they need to go live somewhere else."

"Now you'll be the bad guy again, if she calls the police, because people at the city will say you can't control your residents."

"Let 'em say that! I don't need this job." [EXACTLY!] "That's what my boss told the Mayor, when she started on him from what the Fire Chief said, about how we need this rule and that rule about smoking and the trash room. Like we don't already have rules. He told her, 'You know, I don't need this job. I make ZERO salary for doing it.' And then she apologized and said she wasn't blaming him. Well, I don't need it either. I make less than $300 a month. I just do it because I like the people."

I'll be interested to see how this situation turned out. Probably won't know until next week, since Hick doesn't go to lunch on Fridays, and has plans for something else on Monday.

Hick Is Not Only Man's Best Friend

Hick was his do-gooder helpful self earlier this week. He was leaving his SUS2.5 (Storage Unit Store 2.5), sitting at the exit of the gravel lot, waiting for traffic to pass. A white dually truck was coming his way at about 45 mph, heading from nowhere towards town on the two-lane blacktop road.

"I pulled out, and I seen a dog in the back of the truck. He jumped up on the toolbox and started walking back and forth. It was some kind of heeler. Just then, he got too close to the edge, and fell off! On the shoulder side of the road. He rolled a couple times, and almost got run over by the back tires! I stopped, because I thought maybe I could catch him. He might be scared and run off. The guy driving the truck stopped and started walking back. I guess he seen the dog in the mirror.

I opened my door and got out, calling to the dog. And before I could grab him, he jumped up in my truck! Walked across the seat and sat down, like he belonged there! The guy came and tried to get him out, but he just looked at him and wouldn't move. The guy had to walk around and get him out the passenger side. I'm glad the dog was okay, and the guy got him back."

"Heh, heh! That dog was holding a grudge! 'How dare you let me fall out of the truck!' Heelers are smart. For that dog, a truck meant a ride. So when he saw your door open, he was ready to go! He didn't care about you or that guy. He just wanted to ride in the truck."

I'm relieved that the dog wasn't hurt. And relieved that the guy got him back. But mostly relieved that Hick didn't get hurt. That happens sometimes when do-gooder good-deeders stop along the road to help somebody.