Saturday, June 24, 2017

Would a Diet Coke, By Any Other Name, Still Taste as Fake Sweet?

Last night I came upstairs to make Hick's supper before he left for the auction. He was sitting in his La-Z-Boy drinking a 20 oz bottle of Diet Coke.

This is uncommon, because Hick is a Diet Mountain Dew drinker. And occasionally a Diet A&W Root Beer drinker. NOT a Diet Coke regular, though he orders it when we go out, if the restaurant doesn't have his favorite.

I had glimpsed this 20 oz Diet Coke in FRIG II earlier in the afternoon. Hick had been called in to work on one of his RETIRED days, had only stayed until 1:00, and then went running around after stopping by the homestead before a doctor's appointment. Silly me. For a nanosecond, I imagined that Hick must have gotten that bottle of Diet Coke for ME! Poor, misguided Hick had forgotten that I get a 44 oz fountain Diet Coke every day, AND that I have a six-pack of 20 oz bottles in the basement mini fridge to freshen it throughout the week in the evenings. But it's the thought that counts, right?

Yes, it IS. And Hick was most certainly NOT thinking about ME! There he reclined, swilling that Diet Coke!

"Oh. Are you having a Diet Coke today?"

"Yeah. They had a deal on them. Two for $2.50."

That didn't sound like any kind of deal to me, but then, I pay $1.69 for a fountain 44, so I'm not really one to judge. I went on about the business of making supper while Hick relaxed with a before-supper snack. I guess his lunch was thrown off by the sudden partial cancellation of his 2/5 retirement Friday. I made several passes through the living room while waiting for food to cook. On the last one, Hick held up his now empty except for snack wrapper Diet Coke bottle.

"Huh. Did you see what it says on the bottle?"

"No. What?"

Hick turned it around, and I beheld my name. (Let the record show that I've never made a pretense of Val being an assumed name, and that last year I put my real name in the sidebar somewhere.)


"Oh! Did you pick it out?"

"No. I didn't even know that was on it. I just picked it up. Then just now when I was putting my cookie wrapper in there, I saw it."

"Are you going to save it?"

"I hadn't planned on it, no."

"Don't throw it away! I want to get a picture."

Okay. Let's think about this. Hick normally does not buy Diet Coke, or drink it at home. He happened upon a sale at a convenience store, and took two. He drank one somewhere between work and our house, threw away the bottle, and brought the other one home. After drinking it, he saw that it had my name on it.

Let the record further show that Hick collects all manner of Coca Cola memorabilia. A large part of his collection includes bottles with the soda still inside. Christmas edition six-pack cartons, foreign language versions, sports team logos...all manner of collected bottles. But this ONE that had his loving wife's name on it, he chugs and is ready to discard.

You know that if I'd been out combing the convenience stores for a bottle with my name, I couldn't have found one, right? In fact, I've never seen one with The Pony's name on it, even though it's the most common of Thevictorian names, being shared with the likes of princes and conquerors and bow-and-arrow marksmen who have overtures written about them. Nor have I seen one with the name of Genius on it, though his is shared by a famous outlaw, a civil rights leader, and a professional wrestler turned state governor. And I've certainly not seen a Coke bottle with Hick's name, who would have been right at home as the third brother of Larry, the odd-job man on the newer Bob Newhart Show where he was an innkeeper.

I can't help but wonder what name was on the bottle of Diet Coke that Hick threw away.


23 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. I know the feeling. It was like when Hick accused (FALSELY, I'm sure) Puppy Jack of jumping up on the trunk of his Toronado and taking a crap.

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  2. You must not have looked carefully, the bottle said Kathy, not Val.

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    1. Her name's not Val. It's ValtheVictorian.

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    2. Unbeknownst to you, but fully known to Madam Sioux...I also have a THIRD NAME. It won't be appearing on a Coke bottle. Or one of those little bicycle license plates, either.

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    3. Well if I find a coke bottle with ValtheVictorian on it I will get it to you.

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    4. Don't drink the soda out of it first!

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  3. I didn't realize that modern Coke collectables were being made. I used to be a Cokaholic at one time. A real chain Coker until I quit cold turkey. Never realized you were a Kathryn. Nice to know you!

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    1. Hick hasn't found any of his special Christmas edition Coke cartons in a long time. They were six packs of the glass 12 oz bottles, with a Christmas scene and the year on a wrap around the top of each bottle.

      Nice to know you, too! I've been a chain Diet Coker off and on for many years. Each time I've quit cold turkey, it took me a couple of days of headache misery to get over it.

      At least I've never been bitten by the nicotine bug, even though some of my peer-pressuring former teacher buddies tried to make a smoker out of me every weekend.

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  4. There's an awful lot of happy coincidences happening around you lately. Clearly ALL the gods and Godesses are smiling in your general direction. My daughter of the similar name also drinks diet coke. I can't stand the stuff. I'm a water drinker.

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    1. Yes, fortune seems to be smiling on me lately! I hope your daughter can find a Diet Coke with her name on it. One that's not empty and full of cookie wrappers.

      When I'm off the Diet Coke, water is also my preference. I still have a big cup of ice water sitting beside my 44 oz Diet Coke every day. I am well-hydrated!

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  5. The second and the third brother of Larry have the same name... Or am I remembering it wrong?

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    1. This is my brother Larry, and my other brother Larry .....

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    2. Or is it my brother Darryl and my other brother Darryl?

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    3. Larry was the guy, and the brothers were Darryls.

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  6. I am appalled that Hick did not nail that sucker to the door of his Coke shop. Just think. It could be used as a door knob. He'd be tugging on Kathy all the time.

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    1. I think fishducky is onto something!

      Knowing Hick, I feel fortunate that he hasn't nailed ME to the door of his Coke shop. Just so he can keep tabs on me, and so I can admire his handiwork, and so he has an audience for his daily puttering.

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  7. HeWho once presented me with a bottle of Coke that had the same name as yours on it! I tossed that bottle, too. Remember, I am downsizing. I still have quite a bit of Coke collectibles here in the store, so when Hick decides to claim his emu egg, he might leave with more than he bargained for!

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    Replies
    1. At least HeWho GAVE IT TO YOU! You have the new, improved version of our man.

      Every time I mention the emu egg, Hick perks up. It's like I'm the Charlie Brown teacher, "WHA WHA WHA...emu egg...WHA WHA WHA."

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  8. I knew that was your real name, I had read it in your side bar or somewhere on your blog, maybe it was Joes blog, I know it was on someones blog but anyways I was wondering, if Larrys third brother Hick had noticed your name on the bottle, would he have drank it and inserted the candy wrapper or would he have given it to you?

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    1. I think there's about a 10% chance he would have put it in his BARn as a collectible after showing it to me. But a 90% chance he would have drank it anyway, but not put the cookie wrapper inside. It's sitting on the kitchen table now, and he's offered to remove the cookie wrapper.

      I hate to shame him into collecting me, but sometimes, you do whatever it takes.

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