Just Another Indignity Val Endures

Val was due for a doctor's appointment this month. Oh, don't worry. You're not getting rid of her that easily. It's just a regular 6-month checkup with labs to assess the proper workings of her innards while on her routine medications. Thing is, those dad-blasted scheduling folks wouldn't give Val a lab appointment until AFTER she was seen by the doctor. What's up with THAT? Might as well put the cart before the horse, and see how far it gets pulled.

My doctor left me (oh, and several hundred other patients) high and dry, to abscond to the veteran's medical facility a couple streets over. He said he's not really a team player. He used to rent office space in the medical building at the local hospital clinic. Then he joined up with them because he couldn't beat 'em. THEN he disagreed with their standards of care, so went back to his Army roots and left us. Back in May, he told me who to call to schedule my 6-month appointment, but I could only remember the first name. I DID know she was a new nurse practitioner, even though Doc had two already working in his office.

Anyhoo...my prescriptions run out of refills this month, so I called for an appointment. The scheduler pawned me off on some guy who is also a FNP, even though calling him DR. She said he had an appointment available the very next Tuesday, at 3:00 p.m. I hate afternoon appointments. I'd rather get up at the crack of dawn and have one during the first hour. Because, as everybody knows, doctors fall behind throughout the day. You're never going to get more on-time than a first-of-the-day appointment.

The scheduler gave me a lot of lip, so much that I was thinking of telling her to forget it, and go to Hick's doctor in a closer town, even though she is also a nurse practitioner since HIS doctor retired several years ago. I even asked if I could get an appointment with Doc's replacement. The scheduler said that would be in December. Did I want to keep this appointment, to get the refills, and then decide? So I did. Gotta have the meds. Blood pressure and no thyroid are nothing to sneeze at.

On Friday, I got a phone message telling me to arrive 15 minutes early, with my insurance card and ID. Don't get Hick started on that 15 minutes early crap. That's been a thorn in his side since he arrived on time for a specialist's appointment, and they sent him away and billed him and told him to reschedule. Let the record show that he has not been back, and complained to his NP about the referral, and she agreed that her own office could do the same testing. Insurance is a racket.

So...I showed up 20 minutes before my appointment time. Not so much because of my overachieverness, but because I allowed time to stop by the bathroom, but found the ground floor one with no toilet paper and...um...excrement on the back of the seat, and the one on the 3rd floor full of a lady who got there ahead of me. So I went down to the 2nd floor for my appointment, deciding to hold it.

The receptionist shuffled through a stack of papers and found mine. Shoved them through the window for me to sign. And said, "That will be $35."

"I never have to pay. I have two insurances. A long time ago the clinic had me give the copay of $20, but then mailed me a refund."

"Oh. Well. Let me see your insurance cards."

Wouldn't you think that would be the first thing she should have asked for? And she never DID ask to see my ID. She rescinded the request for money, and told me to sit down. One thing I like about the layout of this office is that the seats are spread out, and none face each other. Even though most seats were full, there were some along the far wall. Here's a picture from my seat.

Lest you think Val goes to a DR who's really a FNP inside a prison facility (there are THREE of them in our immediate area, you know), it was only the railing to keep people from falling into the open lobby below.

Here's a better view, toward the elevators. I did not mean to include those people in my photo, but I don't think they are especially identifiable.

So here's the thing. Those chairs had all been full, but within a span of two minutes, they were all called back to the inner sanctum. I used that opportunity to take a picture, because I liked the lines and the slant of the sun at 3:15 p.m. Did I mention that my appointment was at 3:00?

The office was behind my back and to the left. See that closest empty chair? There's one right next to it. A really annoying little girl and her mom and grandma, I presume, were thankfully called back. Then a lady and her 8-10 year old boy took those seats. He was a cute, chubby guy, very well-behaved. I barely heard a peep out of him. His mother, however, was another story. She took some paperwork to the window, and when she came back, she sat down like some people are wont to do, with a leg curled up under her on the seat. That means her buttocks were not flush with the faux leather.

TOOOOT!

That lady farted! Right in my direction! And she acted like it wasn't her. Her kid knew better than to say anything. I saw him look at her quizzically, but he remained silent. She, herself, did not.

TOOOOT!

Yep. She cut another fart! I used my many years of teacher smarts and did not breathe through my nose. I wonder if SHE was the one there to see the DR FNP, rather than the boy, as I had first assumed.

Then another couple got off the elevator. This pair was hard to judge. But Val is a world champion judger. At first, I assumed it was a young couple, early 20s. It was a long-haired gal and a dude with a 5 o'clock shadow. At 3:30 in the afternoon. Did I mention that my appointment was for 3:00?

This Romeo and Juliet sat in a pair of chairs to my right, just an end table between us, which I had already territorially claimed by putting my DR FNP purse (same as my gambling purse, with different contents) on it. I wondered what could have brought them here. An STD? A pregnancy? Trying to get pregnant? Need for birth control? Romeo filled out a form while Juliet worried aloud.

"I won't get home till after dark now. I guess I could leave to go home and feed, and then come back. I knew we would get stuck here. But I didn't want to feed too early. I would have smelled like goats." Romeo was done filling out the form. "Go take it up there." Juliet took out her phone. "Yeah. We're stuck here at the doctor's [FNP's!] office. They said they are running an hour to an hour-and-a-half behind. Uh huh. That would be great. Everything's in the bucket. Except Evie's alfalfa. Uh huh. Only if they don't have any water. No need to top it off if they have some. Thanks. That will really help."

Romeo came back, saying nobody was in there. Juliet told him that Steve was going to feed for her. Who in the not-heaven was Steve? I still don't know the deal. The receptionist came out and gave insurance cards back to Juliet. So maybe it was a mom and son. Maybe Steve was a husband/stepdad. Or a son/brother! Life is so confusing! But at least I knew that I should be called in around 4:00 or 4:30. Did I mention that my appointment was at 3:00?

At 4:05 I was called in. Apologized to. Weighed. Pressure measured, pulse counted, prescriptions updated, offered a flu shot, and seen by the FNP within a minute of the nurse leaving the room. I was handed lab orders for any day/time of my choosing, and out of there by 4:20.

You know what? I liked him. I really liked him. But in 6 months, I'm getting a 9:00 appointment.