Ain't No Party Like a Wiener Dog Party
Cause a Wiener Dog Party Goes On Longer
Sal Thethicktorian invests her casino windfall in a dachshund rescue facility. Her spur-of-the-moment advertising photo goes viral. Now she needs to strike while the dog is hot! Her brochure reads:
Won't You Open Up Your Buns to a Little Wiener?
Li'l Smoky is casing out the joint, looking for a proper home. He heels from Johnsonville, but he's not a brat. He's well-behaved. Sadly, he's been rejected by Oscar Mayer. We won't discuss what those Ballpark people wanted to do with him. Plumping is NOT in Li'l Smoky's future. He's a chilly dog who longs for the warmth he'll find tucked between your buns. Take in his whole pack! Not to badger you, but don't weasel out. Won't you make a tunnel of love for Li'l Smoky? C'mon, don't be a sauerkraut!'
Kardashians need not apply.
Not suitable for adoptive family with children under two.
Will Sal succeed? (150 words)
Fake Reviews for Val’s Fake BookSausagefest Coordinator..."We are willing to promote Thevictorian's fake book IF we can have this little morsel--erm--fella as our main course--erm--guest of honor. As for the author, we don't care if she comes, stays, lays, or prays. She can roast on a skewer over the campfire, as befitting this sloppy by-product of her efforts."
Sarah McLachlan…"I am writing a new song for this poor pup at this very moment. (Look for it on late-night TV.) Which is more writing than Thevictorian did, with her drivel that didn't even rhyme! Like my commercials, this fake book brings a tear to your eye. Because the fake writing is so painful."
Davie Lard-Ass Hogan…"When I read this fake book, it made me feel like that time I entered a pie-eating contest. This author is definitely full of something, and it ain't blueberry pie.”
Flounder Kent Dorfman..."This reminds me of that time Dean Wormer called me into his office to tell me that fat drunk and stupid was no way to go through life. Thevictorian must have gotten that speech herself, because what she churned out reeks, just like what I left on Dean Wormer's desk."
The Horses From Equus…"Thank goodness our injury precluded us from reading this fake book.”
Pangle in Cold Mountain…"I have never been more happy to be simple than when I was handed this fake book. Not-reading it is fundamental. I used it to fuel a powerful fire to keep me warm, even though Ruby Thewes gave me a fine coat made out of two horse blankets. I recommend this fake book, because it burns really hot.”
The Man in Jack London's "To Build a Fire"..."If only I'd a had these fake pages with me when I needed them most, I might have survived and become a writer. Thevictorian might have become a writer, too, if she had any talent. White Fang would have made short work of this long-winded blowhard of a fake author."
Lassie…"I would throw MYSELF down the well, rather than listen to Timmy fake-read this fake book to me again. This author is so bad that I can't even say she's gone to the dogs. Thevictorian has gone to the cats!"
Bette Davis…"This fake book gave me a real headache, the likes of which I haven't had since I played Judith Traherne in Dark Victory. This fake book is dark alright. But I would hardly term it a victory."