Saturday, July 30, 2016

Val Refuses to Believe, Lest She Free-Fall Off the Deep End

I don't remember how much I've mentioned lately about the uptick in our mysterious house noises. Just over the past week or so, the thumping has escalated. The Pony prefers me not to point out every creak and footstep when we are downstairs watching TV, even though he would have to be Helen Keller (wasting her time watching TV) to miss those noises.

Last week I asked Hick why he was up in the middle of the night, stomping through the kitchen. On the morning I questioned him, Hick said he was NOT up at all, except to go to the bathroom, which is in the bedroom at the other end of the homestead, and not over our TV-watching heads. He did admit to getting up the night before that, and going to the kitchen for a drink. Uh huh. I heard him. Walking like he has no feet on the ends of his ankles. So I assumed it was him again the second night. But no.

The Pony related a tale on Friday morning that deeply disturbed me. I am choosing not to believe it, but rather to think that he dreamed it.

"Pony, I asked Dad why he keeps getting up at night, and he said he only got up ONE night."

"Have you still been hearing things? Like...did you hear them LAST night?" Let the record show that when I asked The Pony what he wants to hear from home when I write him a weekly letter in college, he said, "I want to know about the noises at night." Uh huh. Even before news of Puppy Jack, or what happens on Big Brother, or how his dad and I are getting along without him.

"Uh. Not as much..." No need to upset The Pony when he really doesn't want to hear about it while it's going on.

"Well, I went up to get in the shower. You know how I let the shower run, then lay down in the water to relax? I heard noises."

"Okay. I DID hear noises in your room. But you were in the shower, so I thought it was Juno and Jack wrestling around out on the side porch, thumping against the wall."

"I heard something go from my room to Genius's room."

"Well...I DID hear something lay down in Genius's bed. I haven't heard THAT in a long time."

"Okay. So I got out of the shower and when I opened the bathroom door to go to my room, there were two wet footprints on the floor just outside the door. Kid-sized footprints. And they were pointed toward Genius's room!"

"EEEEE! How big?"

"About like this." The Pony held his hands apart about the distance of a boy's size 5...or a woman's size 7. The Pony himself wears a 10.5.

" probably just imagined it."

"I DID kind of fall asleep while I was laying in the tub. And when I came out, I was kind of not-clear-headed..."

"I'm sure that was it."

Aren't you? Aren't you sure that's all it was? The Pony fell asleep, and still hadn't cleared a dream out of his head. It was just a coincidence that I heard that bed noise a few minutes before I heard him open up the bathroom door at 11:50 p.m. Right?


  1. Back in the Twilight Zone, Val?

    1. Doo-dee doo-dee, doo-dee doo-dee! YES! Something has been quite restless.

  2. Replies
    1. On the contrary...Feets, please leave my homestead now.

  3. You have a haunted house on your hands. I'd say you can up the price of tour tickets in October.

    Everyone will have a spooktacular time.

    1. We won't even have to plant some drunkard in the woods to make noises and scare folks on the hayride, like we used to do, for free, before the Proposed Handbasket Factory and In-Progress Shackytown were even a gleam in Val's two eyes, or Hick's one.

  4. Replies
    1. Hick had a bright idea, back when his older boys were young, to play scary music on a jambox (remember the 80s, folks?) while he sat on the porch of his apartment building dressed as a scarecrow with a bowl of candy to hand out on Halloween.

      Unfortunately, he picked a cassette of The Monster Mash. Not real scary.

  5. Mo denying it, you have a poltergeist. It will leave when the pony goes to school. Them your home will be silent as a tomb.

    1. I kind of hope that happens. Because when The Pony is gone, I can't pretend that he's up walking in those two bedrooms, and the bathroom that divides them.

  6. Maybe you could capitalize on this and rent out the rooms to those seeking other worldly experiences ....

    1. Unless they try to pay me with other-worldly money!