See chocolates, eat a few? (see chocolates, eat a few)
Set empty tub with dishes for his wifey Val to do
The Candy Man can't, the Candy Man can't."
My sister the ex-mayor's wife gave us some of her Christmas candy, left over from her annual Christmas Eve dinner. You might recall that she did the same thing last year, and one of the tubs went missing, to be discovered later in the possession of Hick.
Anyhoo...we've had two tubs of the candy sitting on the cutting block since a couple days after Christmas. It had chocolate fudge, peanut butter fudge, buckeyes, turtles, Hershey Hugs topped with an M&M on pretzels, and Rolos topped with pecans on pretzels. When the stockpile got low, I put all of them into one tub. Every afternoon, I'd choose two pieces to go with lunch. A few days ago, I opened up the tub to find THIS!
A single piece of candy left in the tub.
Just finish it off already! We've had it for over three weeks. Everybody got a share. I don't mind missing out on the last piece of candy. I DO mind somebody (HICK) playing this game of "I didn't eat it all."
Of course I
"Why did you leave ONE PIECE of candy in that tub? I just finished the dishes. I could have washed it."
"I was full, Val."
"Sure you were."
"There was 4 left. I was just too full to eat the last one."
"Uh huh. If' there'd been 5, I bet you could have eaten 4. I know how you are."
"No you don't. I was just too full."
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I ask you: "How full do you have to be to pass up ONE PIECE of candy? This size. A simple Rolo with a nut on a pretzel. Is that so filling? Will it explode a stomach? More specifically, will it explode the stomach of the defendant, who has been known to eat three Casey's donuts at once? I think not. The defendant does not have a hummingbird stomach. Nor has his gut been surgically altered like those 600-Pound-Lifers. Consider the evidence carefully."
Of course some of you jurors will take Hick's side. It's the popular thing to do. "Oh, Val. Hick is not used to eating candy! He knows he's not supposed to have it. I'm sure he really WAS too full to have even one more small piece."
Well! To you I say, "Does this line from George Michael's song Faith ring a bell?"
"And I know all the games you play because I played them, too."
I really want to leave that Christmas tub sitting there, after taking out the last piece of candy. So when Hick thinks I've forgotten, and wants to eat it, he will open up an empty tub.