Sunday, January 26, 2020

A Starless Review of the Buffet in the Gambling City on the River


After cashing in my big lottery winner on Wednesday, Hick and I stopped by our old favorite casino for lunch. Uh huh. Lunch. I didn't have a monetary food comp like usual, but I had a free buffet comp. Hick always gets a free buffet comp. So rather than pay to eat a burger (gotta save that scratcher money), we decided to try the buffet for the very first time. I’m sure glad I did not pay for that! It was not very good. Golden Corral is 10X better.

The best thing I had was the Orange Chicken. It must have been crack, soaked in MSG, dusted with chicken flavor powder, and coated with a sugary glaze. Nom Nom! Unfortunately, the “fried” rice that accompanied it looked and tasted like white rice soaked in vegetable oil and stirred with a scrambled egg. Totally bland. It might have better been used to feed a sick pet.

The Beef and Broccoli was a close second, but I only had a taste. A guy darted in from my left shoulder as I was going down the line, and scooped out almost all the beef. The one piece I had was tender and tasty, as was the broccoli.

The roasted chicken was dry. The skin around my slice was colored as if it was truly roasted skin. But the texture was like that tape Walmart uses to hold multiple items together, like stacking bowls with lids. I was unable to cut through the skin, so peeled it off like the red casing on a slice of bologna.

I just said NO to the Fried Cod. It looked like it was made from pressed pieces of fish flakes, every piece the same size and shape, deep-fried like a McDonald's hash brown, only about 1/3 the thickness. The baked cod farther down the line looked mushy, so it also got left behind.

Of course I had a fried-chicken thigh. Good thing that's my favorite piece, because I didn't see any others. I was sadly disappointed to discover that the crispy-looking skin was rubbery. It was uncuttable. There was a tiny crunch from the coating, if you could get a piece sawed off to eat it. Here's the thing. I like to pick up my fried chicken to eat it. I think it's finger food. It's not like I'd pick up a ribeye, or a slab of meat loaf, or chicken parm. I'm civilized. I just think fried chicken should be eaten with the hands, and not sawed-at awkwardly. However...I could not bite through that skin! I had to eat like some fancy-pants socialite! Who would probably not stoop to fried chicken anyway. The chicken itself was moist, and had a good taste, if you could get it into your mouth.

My third favorite was a dessert. Not sure what it was. It looked like chocolate mousse in a foil cup, with a dab of whipped cream and some crumbs on top. It was smooth and chocolatey, but the sprinkles were disconcerting. They were like round, fat, solid, rice krispies. Not nuts. An awkward crunch that I could have done without. Oh, and I had to eat it with a fork, because there were no spoons. Only knives and forks provided in a rolled-up napkin. I could have gotten a black plastic spoon at the ice cream station, had I known beforehand.

The dessert section was a few cookies, something like chocolate mousse in a foil cup (pick of the litter), about 3 kinds of ice cream you had to ask for dipping, cherry pie, and chocolate cake. Unlike the pretty but tasteless cake we get out at the Riverwind buffet in Norman, Oklahoma, this one tasted pretty good. It was sliced in a small square, as if out of a one-layer rectangular cake pan. It tasted like something a 10-year-old girl might have made from a box, to take as cupcakes to her FALL FESTIVAL party at school. It was the fourth-best item on my plate. Of course, the rubbery-skinned fried chicken thigh, and the slice of dried-out roasted chicken didn’t bring their A-game to the competition.

Hick sat down with a plate of peel-and-eat shrimp, and popped a whole one in his mouth. Of course I watched to see what would happen. He spit it out.

"Did you forget to peel your shrimp?"

"No. I can usually bite it off in my mouth."

YUCK! I'm so glad that I don't eat shrimp with Hick on a regular basis. He also had some peas that looked way over-cooked. They were dimpled and gray. Hick also had the fried cod, and only took one bite. I forget the other stuff he had on his plate. He did have a slice of cherry pie, and some mint chocolate chip ice cream.

Neither of us partook of the sandwich station at the end. Are you freakin' kidding me? I can make a sandwich AT HOME! Besides, the little bit of shaved ham and maybe turkey laying on the wooden paddles would barely have satisfy ONE of us!

We both agreed that we would never PAY to eat there again, and it would be iffy should we both have a FREE offer again. I'd say that we did not get the $13.95 ($15.95 with drink) value out of our FREE lunch buffet.

I regret that I did not take any pictures. It wasn't good enough to brag about, and not bad enough (I'm lookin' at YOU, tiny condiment cup of side-order slaw) to shame the buffet.

Of course there was a weirdo component to my lunch adventure! We had just sat down with our plates, and unwrapped our knives and forks, when a mob came pouring out of a separate room. I swear, it was like the running of the bulls at Pamplona! You'd have thought those people were risking life and limb for GOOD food. Sadly, they were not.

I told Hick I was glad we'd decided to meet for lunch at 11:50, rather than noon. Because I had my plate, and no intention of making another trip to the buffet. Hick tried, with limited success. He was actually going to try the Orange Chicken, on my recommendation, but the herd of locusts had picked most stations clean.

We didn't go hungry, but we were not exactly sated. It's kind of like if you had the chance to eat all you wanted at a school cafeteria. You discover that you don't want all that much.

12 comments:

  1. You have to text me and tell me which casino this is so we can avoid it. I agree about those little crispy things on the pudding. Gag me!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's RC, but I thought that's where you go and have the buffet! If so, you must be going a different time than noon on a Wednesday, because I can't imagine repeating that experience. Burger Brothers is better, even when they serve me a rotten french fry, and an overcooked burger.

      Delete
    2. Is it possible the lunch buffet is leftovers from the previous night's buffet? Because that would be just yuk.

      Delete
    3. I would like to think NOT, but I don't see how that roasted chicken could have gotten so terribly dry by noon if the buffet just opened at 11:00. And I'd hate to think that they cooked the cod, and the peas, that way on purpose. Plus the "fried" rice might have been revived by some oily method, rather than being fresh.

      Delete
  2. Reminds me of an "All you can eat" buffet at a Mafia restaurant, you go for second helping and a big guy with a bent nose tells you, "Move on, that's all you can eat!"

    Eating fried chicken with a knife and fork...NO!!! I eat candy bars with a knife and fork, but never fried chicken.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The big guy with the bent nose could have had a nap here, because there was not a rush of repeaters. Except for Hick...

      Candy bars with a knife and fork, much more civilized that double-dipping chips! And healthier than a slice of wedding cake from the marriage of King Edward VIII to Wallis Simpson in 1937.

      Delete
  3. If you do ever get another Free Offer for that particular buffet, I suggest you take it outside and off it to a homeless person who looks hungry enough to eat anything that resembles food.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They will have to show ID, I assume, though we were not asked this time. I could also give them my old driver's license with the unique photo!

      Delete
  4. Your culinary expert Hick peels the shrimp in his mouth? That is like tying a cherry stem with his tongue. Tuesdays, it's half price and they cater to the old quarter droppers with a little better (at least fresher) food. I never win there! And as for food, I prefer Ameristar buffet. Great desserts!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think Hick just made that up spur-of-the-moment, because I've never seen him eat shrimp that way before.

      Yes, they must put out the good stuff on Tuesdays, to keep their money-makers coming back! I never win there, either, but this trip I had a smaller loss. It's been many years since I ate at Ameristar with my favorite gambling aunt. It was great. I think it was on a Sunday, and they were serving Mimosas, so maybe it was a brunch buffet.

      Delete
  5. Hubs despises buffets, becasue they cause you to overeat, Like he doesn't always over eat....So we rarely go, but I have never been too impressed when I did.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, that's really bad when the buffet is good. At our new favorite casino, before the buffet closed down, we definitely got our money's worth.

      We left home without eating breakfast, buffeted shortly after noon, and sure didn't want anything for supper. We ate three meals' worth. Which probably added up to several days' three meals worth!

      I can't believe the casino closed it. Surely all us old people stuffing ourselves to the gills didn't cause a casino to lose money!

      Delete