The Storage Unit Baron

Hick called me yesterday, just as I was stepping into the shower. It's like he has X-ray vision through walls and across many miles, always a knack for getting me at the most inconvenient time. Besides, the phone on the wall right beside the shower has a ringer problem. So I had to run to the living room to answer.

"My buddy has 17 storage units for sale."

Okay. Right. Hick just called to let me know that. Isn't that what you'd think, after a statement like that? NOT-HEAVEN NO! I just said, "Oh." Not, "Good for him." Or, "That's amazing." Let Hick proceed. I wasn't going to make it easy for him.

"He wants eleven-hundred dollars for them."

"Oh. Do you have that much?"

"No. I don't have that much. I haven't been selling. It's winter. And I bought that auction stuff."

"Huh."

"That's really a pretty good deal."

"Oh. Well. We've talked about renting out storage units..."

"Not to BUY! He's selling the contents. From people who haven't paid."

"We don't have that kind of money right now. I mean...we DO...but I don't really want to take it out of savings. We just paid taxes and Christmas and all the car insurances for six months, and the house insurance, and the umbrella policy..."

"I'll make the money back. Once I sell the stuff. He says there's a bunch of tools in one of them. And a washer and dryer..."

"It's not like those shows you watch! They PLANT stuff in there. People don't put their GOOD stuff in a storage unit and not pay the bill."

"You'd be surprised. Anyway...I need to tell him..."

"Is that him I hear? Is he right there listening to you?"

"No. That's my sellin' buddy. He'd like to get them. But he doesn't have the money. He says he'll help me move the stuff, and maybe there'll be something in there that he wants. Because he'll do it for free..."

"How do you have to pay? There's money in checking, but I don't have that laying around the house. I'm not giving you MY money!"

"He wants cash. And I don't expect you to give me your money. Like I said, I can pay it back..."

"Yeah, but we won't get it all at once. It will be a little here, and a little there. And we still don't have the money back that we loaned your Brother 1." That's where I made a mistake. I KNOW that Brother 1 is deceased. But I always say his name first, even when in my mind I'm picturing Brother 2.

"Heh, heh. I can guarantee you that if we loaned money to Brother 1, we're not getting anything back! Not even if we dig him up."

"I know. I meant Brother 2. Besides, we DID loan Brother 1 before, and he DID pay us back. But I'm not counting on this one..."

"Well..."

"If you really want it, I'll go to the bank and take out the money. What cut do I get when you make this big profit?"

"Oh...you'll get a cut..."

Here's the thing. I don't begrudge Hick a project that makes him happy. He was lit up like a toddler on Christmas Eve, talking about the storage units. His voice, anyway. This gives him something to look forward to, and devote his time to. Especially something that gets him out of the house. But he's already got his little business going, and that giant albatross, the Freight Container Garage. Besides, we've been without his paycheck for four months now, while he just takes a small stipend of his 401K while waiting for social security to kick in.

I guess it would be petty to deny him this pipe dream, after loaning money to Brother 2, and giving Tommy a car, and paying a house payment for HOS. At least Hick asked me before saying he'd take those storage units. It's not like he went out and bought a $1700 lawnmower without telling me. Or $1000 shoe inserts from The Good Feet Store.

So...we (I consider myself part-owner, since funding came from our joint account) are the new owners of the contents of 18 of these:

I'd asked Hick if he couldn't bargain down the price, and he said that he'd ALREADY bargained UP the number of storage units from 12 in the beginning, to 18 when they shook hands and exchanged the cash. We might need to discuss his bargaining methods.

They're not all side by side, and they're across town (Backroads is a little town) from the storage units where Hick runs his flea market storage unit store. Owned by the same guy, though.

Here's what he saw inside one of the first units they opened:

Looks like we've at least got us a new artificial Christmas tree! And a grandmother clock. Hick says it's not as big as a grandfather clock. But that it has keys for winding, so it's not some cheap knockoff. I guess so. Whatever he says. He thinks it could bring a couple of hundred dollars.

You're sure to get updates as they develop. Hick has two weeks to get all the stuff moved out of the 18 units. That's more than one a day that he has to empty. He'll be pretty busy. That money might just be a good investment...