Friday, January 12, 2018

Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday #93 "Denise's Peaces"

Blog buddy Sioux is hosting Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday. I have 150 words to convince you to fake-buy my fake book. Valentine's Day is coming down the pike, and an old Val's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of CANDY. Plus fake-writing a new fake book to take advantage of holiday fake sales. Whether you have a paramour to treat, or are still trying to capture one, Val's latest fake book will make a fantastic gift! They'll be in TEARS when they receive it! Reserve your fake copy today!


Denise's Peaces

Denise "Honey" Reese is the sweetest student at Willy Wonka Elementary School. She never met a stranger, never had an enemy. Denise is also a savvy young entrepreneur. Her candy product, Denise's Peaces, are making her a future fortune. Denise, though, gives 49 percent of her earnings to charity, namely an anti-bullying campaign.

Denise noticed how people LOVE buttercream frosting, and always ask for a corner piece of cake, or one with a big buttercream rose. Now she has her own candy line to feed that desire. Wrist Roses like Ring Pops, Buds on a Stick, Bloomin' Pendants...all in assorted colors, with true buttercream flavor.

Will Denise continue to enjoy the sweet smell of success, or will Principal Slugworth put an end to her marketing campaign? (126 words)


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Fake Reviews for Val’s Fake Book

Kit Kat..."Gimme a break! This fake author has no idea how to write about anything SWEET! I'd break off a piece of myself to help this little candy girl, but Thevictorian needs her fake-book streak broken NOW." 

Three Musketeers..."All for one, that cute little candy entrepreneur, and NONE for Val. Support the buttercream anti-bullying fund, but don't give one PENNY to Val Thevictorian!"

Tootsie Pop..."How many licks does it take to beat the fake-book-writing urge out of this fake author? I'm pretty sure her center is rotten to the core."

Sour Patch Kids..."First we're sour, then we're sweet. We might give you Thevictorian's latest fake book as a gift, but then we'll break into your house, steal it back, burn it, and give the cash."

Life Savers..."This fake author has written too many fake books. She may think she's on a roll, but there's a hole in her logic. Let us save your reading life. Take our advice. DON'T buy this fake book!"

Swedish Fish..."Something stinks around here, and it ain't us! This fake author's face should be red with embarrassment for daring to foist her fake books on the unwitting public."

Skittles..."Even tasting the rainbow can't cleanse the aftertaste of THIS fake book from your palate."

Those Little Candy Buttons on a Ribbon of Waxy Paper..."This fake book isn't worth of the paper it's printed on. Thevictorian may be good at pushing people's buttons, but she definitely has poor taste when it comes to fake writing."

Twizzlers..."This fake author's work will make your insides feel so twisted that you'll wish you were hollow inside!"

Ribbon Candy in a Cut-Glass Dish on Your Grandma's Coffee Table..."This fake author's fake book is about as popular as US. But even we have better taste than Val Thevictorian."

Bon-Bons..."Nobody wants to lay on a couch with Thevictorian. In fact, they'd rather work a demanding job requiring hard physical labor than relax with one of her fake books."


10 comments:

  1. Little Denise is so sweet I'd have a hard time not fake buying your fake book Denise's Peaces, this will be my first fake book of the year so I'd might as well start off with something sweet, to pass along to Cindy for Valentines day...I'd probably better buy some candy and flowers too, just in case a fake book is not proper in her eyes.

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    1. Thanks to Sioux's choice of the picture this week, my fake book practically fake-sells itself! SWEET!

      You can't go wrong by also giving Cindy some candy and flowers. My fake books are an acquired taste, and while I'm sure that Cindy is too much of a lady to blatantly slam my fake book, it might not be her cup of tea.

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  2. You've heard of the sweet smell of success? It doesn't seem to be anywhere around this fake book!!

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    1. Heh, heh. And it's not in my garage, either. Story coming soon.

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  3. Does this fake book also contain Denise's fake recipes? That would be something to break the ice with at a stuffy old dinner party.

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    1. Ooh! Maybe I can rush out an abridged fake-edition which includes fake recipes!

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  4. Sugar pie, honey bunch, sweet Denise is hawking Peace, what's wrong with those fake reviewers? bad Skittles!

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    1. I think those fake reviewers are bitter!

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  5. You included the ribbon candy, but you left out the Circus Peanuts. Did you have a deprived childhood? Didn't your grandparents have those marshmallowy orange peanuts?

    (Finally, I posted.) You went in the direction of sweets, I went in the opposite direction of a certain vegetable.

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    1. How could I forget the Circus Peanuts? Mmm...I can almost taste them. I LOVE Circus Peanuts. Okay. I kind of enjoy them. I tolerate them. A couple is more than a feast.

      There are so many directions their review might have taken!

      "Val makes fake-writing a 3-ring circus."

      "If only George Washington Carver could have developed a vaccine to make people immune to Val's fake writing."

      "Val should be treated like peanuts in the South: boiled, and dropped into a bottle of Coca Cola. That would put an end to her fake writing."

      "Val's fake writing is the new 'elephant' in the room."

      "One little-known fact is that Chuckles the Clown VOLUNTEERED to be shucked like a peanut by an elephant, rather than fake-read one of Val's fake books."

      Thank you, Madam, for reminding me about Circus Peanuts.

      That certain vegetable and I go WAY BACK. To this day, I would rather eat a truckload of Circus Peanuts than THAT vegetable. Unless it's in soup or chicken pot pie or 7-Layer Salad.

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