Candy Is Dandy, If It Isn't HIDDEN From You

I have already shamed Hick for absconding with the Christmas Eve treats that my niece gave us (as a COUPLE) for a Christmas gift. You may recall that he spirited those treats away to the BARn, he said, since they were with the stuff in the back of the car that he was unpacking.

When I shared this info with my sister the ex-mayor's wife (after conducting a thorough investigation, of course), she assured me that she was bringing us her leftover Christmas Eve cookies and candies on the CasinoPalooza 3 trip. "You know how sometimes you get back to the hotel room, and just want a little something." No. I really don't. Because the only time I go back to the room is around 3:00 a.m., and I want just a little sleep before going out gambling again. But I played along, and agreed. Sis does make really good Christmas candy.

In the whirlwind of CasinoPalooza 3 activity, I forgot all about Sis's treats. I DO recall that she had handed them over as we left our lunch stop at Lee's Chicken on the first day of the trip. In fact, Sis sent me a text saying she had handed the treats over to Hick and The Pony.

"I hated to do that! I hope you get some! You were in the bathroom, and we all went out to the parking lot, and I was going to wait for you to come out, so I could hand it to you. But I turned around, and there was HICK! I had the candy in my hand, and he was reaching for it! I could hardly pull it back and tell him NO!"

Well. I could have. But Sis didn't. She handed it over, sent me the text, and then elaborated later in person.

On the trip home, I asked Hick where the candy was from Sis. We were about two hours out of Joplin, still three hours from home, and I wanted a little snack.

"Where's that candy? I don't see it on the back seat, and I wanted a piece."

"Candy? What candy? I have the cinnamon things here in the console..."

"No. That candy Sis gave us. From Christmas Eve. The turtles and buckeyes and Grandma's cherry coconut candy, and the Rolos on square pretzels."

"Oh. That's in the back."

"I put my shoes in the back when you were putting in the suitcases at the valet pickup. I didn't see any candy back there. Just shoes, suitcases, and your breather bag."

"Well. I packed the candy. In my breather bag."

"Why would you do that? She gave it to us for the trip. To snack on."

"I didn't know you'd want any."

"Well, I kind of do. I hope you weren't planning on taking it to the BARn when we get home! Sis gave it to US!"

"I'll get the candy out when we stop again!"

Meanwhile, I sent Sis a text.

"You know that candy you gave us? I can't find it, and Hick says that he put it in his breather bag."

"Oh, no! I was afraid you wouldn't get any! I never should have given it to him at Lee's!"

"I know you didn't mean to, but that was kind of like giving The Devil some souls for safekeeping!"

Hick got the candy out when we stopped, and I had a turtle and a buckeye on the way home. They were tasty. We put that container of candy on the kitchen counter, to eat from throughout the week, or until it was gone. When I last looked on New Year's Eve, it had a little bit left. (Now gone, of course!)

Everything was fine, until I remembered that Sis had said she was bringing us candy AND COOKIES off that dessert tray. So, about three days after we returned, I asked Hick. I went straight to the horse's attached-to-a-bottomless-gullet mouth.

"Where are those cookies Sis gave us on the trip?"

"Cookies?"

"Yes. She said she was bringing us candy and COOKIES from her dessert tray."

"Oh. We ate those. In the hotel room."

"I never saw any cookies in the hotel room."

"Well, they was there! The Pony and I eat them."

"She said she gave The Pony his own cookies. Those peanut butter ones with the Hershey kisses on top."

"Well, he ate our cookies. We each had three."

I ran this by Sis later, and she informed me that she gave us EIGHT COOKIES, and that The Pony indeed had his own container of cookies not counting those eight. As you might presume, this did not come as a shock to me. But I'll tell you what DID.

I put a load of towels in the dryer this afternoon, and as I was walking out of the laundry room, I saw a container in a cardboard box on top of the mini deep freeze. Huh. I had Chex Mix ingredients in that cardboard box. But this was NOT a Chex Mix container. It was a foreign container! Smaller than the ones I use for Chex Mix. A different pattern than the ones I've used for Chex Mix. What in the Not-Heaven was this container in my laundry room?

Being the curious sort, I lifted it. Huh. Empty...but it rattled. I looked inside, and saw that it was not Mother-Hubbard-cupboard bare, but that the phantom container contained CRUMBS! As if from cookies or candy!

When Hick got home, it was time for an interrogation.

"What's that container in the laundry room? On the mini freezer?"

"Container?"

"Yes. Container. I just saw it there when I was doing laundry. I hadn't noticed it the other times I did laundry."

"I don't know. What container?"

"Go see for yourself."

"Huh. That's a container."

"I KNOW! It's got crumbs in it. Did you just leave it in there? I guess I'll get it and wash it. Or was it supposed to stay in there indefinitely. Hidden. Where you put it."

"I didn't put it there!"

"Then how did it get there? It's not the size or pattern I use for Chex. I don't know what was in it. But it looks like cookies or candy. Did you really take Niecy's present for us to the BARn? Or was that just a cover story? And when you finished eating it, or felt like the coast was clear, you put the container in there, waiting for me to find it much later. And wash it."

"I don't REMEMBER putting it in there. But I guess I could have..."

Oh, don't get me started on the OTHER THINGS Hick doesn't remember! You're sure to hear about them soon. Just not today. I think I've already exceeded my word limit.

[Let the record show that while this container might look bigger from this angle, it was the exact same size as the candy container from Sis. AND the exact same size AND PATTERN as the candy container that Niecy gave The Pony.]

Is it possible that The Pony put his empty container in the laundry room? Well, it's possible. But not very likely. I'm pretty sure he packed up what was left and took it with him. He'd been eating stocking candy, not homemade goodies, for that day between Christmas and when we left at 10:00 a.m. for CasinoPalooza. AND such a feat would have required effort on the part of The Pony. He would not even deign to take an empty container to the kitchen cutting block, much less expend the energy for three extra steps to stash it in the laundry room out of sight.

Val Thevictorian. Private Investigator for hire. Unlicensed, but just as effective.