A New Spectator Sport

I should have seen the signs. Had I looked outside on my way to bed around 3:30 a.m., no doubt I would have noticed that a bad moon had risen. On the way to town, there were no good songs on any of my regular 10 favorite stations. And all three of my favorite parking spaces were taken at Country Mart, where I stopped for some scratch-off tickets.

Country Mart has two ticket-dispensing machines. They're fairly new, replacing their old ticket-dispensing machines. These are touch-screen, with a lot more ticket choices than the old ones. And when a ticket is getting low, the screen shows you "...only 4 tickets left." That matters to some people. Not necessarily to me, because I've discovered that sometimes they load those machines with the last tickets first. So the last four may actually be tickets 000, 001, 002, and 003. Those are tickets a lot of people yearn for. Doesn't really matter to me. I take my chances.

I entered through the exit doors, and stepped to the machine on my left, which is actually the right-side machine. They are up against the incoming wall. I knew it had my Golden Ticket, the one I was after, because I'd been there only two days ago, and knew that the other machine was out of them.

I inserted my money, and got my ticket. I was conscious of somebody standing behind me. That's a no-no in ticket-machine etiquette. I looked over my shoulder, and saw a weirdo leaning on his cart. He looked like an old gold miner, in a plaid shirt, threadbare jeans, and a white wiry beard with white eyebrows accenting his eyes. Just watching. Not speaking. No money out for his own purchase. Just leaning on the cart. Watching. Two white plastic bags in the child seat.

What in the Not-Heaven?

I was not happy. Not an unusual state for Val. I had planned to get Hick a $5 ticket, because he had bought himself another one, and won $5, and asked me to pick one up for him. But with Weirdo 89er breathing down my neck, I didn't want to.

I moved to the machine on the left. Oh! They had restocked the Golden Tickets! I'd already bought one, though. So I put in a $20, planning to get a $10 ticket and two $5 tickets, giving one of them to Hick. These machines don't give change. So you have to take in small bills, or plan your purchases. I knew I was getting a $10 Frenzy ticket, and decided to get an extra $5 ticket for myself when I got Hick's. Thus the $20, rather than using my smaller bills.

The machine sucked in the $20. I touched the screen for my Frenzy, but nothing happened. Huh. Maybe it was out. Or jammed. Even though usually the picture of that ticket is dark when it's out, or it says JAMMED across the front of it. I touched the $10 ticket on the next row. A Millionaire Riches. Still nothing. Then I saw that the box showing the amount of money put in was at $0.00. NO WAY! I'd just put in a $20! I inserted a $5, which the machine spat back out. THEN a box popped up that said, "Cash box malfunction. Ask for help." NOOOOOO!

Of course there were two women in line at the nearby service desk. There's NEVER anybody there, unless it's other workers, gossiping. But today, there were two customers. I gave Weirdo 89er a wide berth. He still had his eye on me. I skirted him to get to the service desk, and a cashier turned to look at me. He was a new one to me. Early 20s, tall, pudgy, glasses.

"I put a twenty in that machine, and it's not giving me anything back. It says 'malfunction.' Is the service desk where I should tell?"

That dang Millennial gave me the "uh ih uh" singsongy "I don't know" noise. Thanks a lot, bud.

The first lady asking for service was buying a money order. Okay. Good for her, paying her bills like a responsible person. Even though it was taking up a lot of time that I was wanting to use for getting back my lottery $20. I kept glancing at the machine, lest it spit my money back out and someone... *cough, cough* Weirdo 89er...go take it. But the money slot was still flashing red.

The next lady needing service was cashing a paycheck. Okay. Good for her. Working for a living. But THEN she and the store servicer started a conversation about a mutual friend and what she was doing now. Oh, the joys of living in Backroads. I checked on my machine again. Weirdo 89er was still standing in front of the first machine. Looking around. Not buying. Just eyeing my broken machine like some nefarious casino ticket-casher ready to abscond with ill-gotten gains. The red light was flashing in the money slot, but the message on the front of the screen had disappeared.

I finally got my turn at the service counter. I pushed my own long white beard aside stepped up and tried to pretend I wasn't in an urgent hurry to get my money back. I explained what happened. Servicer got her key and headed over. We both had to detour around Weirdo 89er.

As we walked up to that machine, I saw a FRENZY TICKET LAYING IN THE TRAY!

"This wasn't here when I left! I pushed on it, but it never gave me a ticket."

"Well, you have ten dollars left. See?" She spoke as if I was a rank amateur at this lottery business.

Of course. Now the machine said I had $10 credit still in the machine. What in the Not-Heaven? I wasn't taking any chances. I knew I'd already pushed that Millionaire Riches ticket, so I just pushed it again. Nothing.

"See? That's what it did before! LOOK! It says CASH BOX MALFUNCTION!" I giddy with I'm-right-ness.

Servicer kind of muttered, and opened the machine with her key. As she swung the door open, the screen showed my Millionaire Riches ticket dropping. But no ticket came out. Servicer fiddled with the cash box. THEN, totally unrelated to her fiddling, I'm sure...a Millionaire Riches ticket fell onto the floor.

"Oh. Looks like that's my ticket. I'm even now. That's good enough for me." Even though Servicer offered to pick it up (that's her job, you know, service) I politely declined, and grabbed it myself. I hope Weirdo 89er enjoyed the show.

Yeah. All that trouble for these two tickets.

I counted my $20 blessings and headed for Casey's, where I got a ticket for Hick, which was a loser. My Golden Ticket from the first machine won $30, and the Millionaire Riches that I had not intended to buy won $15. Not a profit day, but it was only a marginal loss.

It could have been worse. Moneywise.