Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday #74 "Down Beaver Creek Without a Paddle"

Blog buddy Sioux is hosting Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday. I have 150 words to convince you to fake-buy my fake book. This week, prove that you're cool. That you're not a drip. Give Val a drop in the bucket for her latest fake book. It's flooding the market, but copies may dry up if you wait too long. Liquidate your assets, forward Val your cash, and we'll get along swimmingly.

Down Beaver Creek Without a Paddle

Babe the Blond Fox didn't know what she was getting herself into when she left her argumentative boyfriend, Paul Bunyan, at home in the woodshed. "I'm just going to cool off for a while, and float down the lazy river. See you later. We'll each have a dozen Buffalo Wings for supper. Go hunt some buffalo! I'm really hungry."

Now Babe has lost her inner tube, and the river is not as deep as she'd expected. Not to mention all these tourists swarming around her with cameras.

"HEY! Watch it! You're going to run into the knees!" Julie tells her husband, who loves motorboating every chance he gets.

"Honey," says Bob. "Those aren't her knees."

Will Bob and Julie go down with the ship? Will Babe dredge up bad memories? Will Paul still be able to get wood when Babe returns? (141 words)

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Fake Reviews for Val’s Fake Book

Old Granny Lady..."It is obvious that we should wait 30 minutes after eating before fake-reading Thevictorian's fake books. She might want to spend more than 20 minutes writing them, too."

David Hasselhoff (the Baywatch lifeguard version, not the drunk eating a cheeseburger)..."With this fake book, Thevictorian is going down for the 74th time. Somebody needs to save her. The floundering has gone on long enough."

Davy Jones..."I have a special locker to keep Thevictorian's fake book in."

Davy Jones, the Monkee..."I'm not a believer (daydream or otherwise) in Thevictorian's fake-writing talent. I'd get on the last train to Clarksville to avoid fake-reading one of her fake books. They inspire me to look for a couple of songwriters to pen my latest idea: Another Unpleasant 'Val is Done' Day."

A Mob Boss who shan't be named..."Jimmy Hoffa is the lucky one. He'll never have to read this fake book. Thevictorian is a prime example of why somebody should be sleepin' with the fishes instead of fake-writing fake books about rivers that might have fishes in them."

The Butcher, the Baker, the Candlestick Maker..."Rub a dub dub, we'll not share out tub, with Thevictorian, you see! She's yakky, she's tacky, her fake writing is hacky...hope she washes out to sea!"

Baby, thrown out with the bath..."I don't know how Thevictorian keeps her head above water. Her fake writing pulls fake readers down like a whirlpool, she's more full of poop than a morning Pamper, and she sucks at pacifying her angry fake-readers."

That Bridge..."When Thevictorian comes to me, I will not let her cross! Her fake writing must be contained. I'll do my bit geographically. No way will I allow her work to span the globe. A suspension of belief is necessary to imagine how she even got a fake-book deal. Let's hope her collapse is imminent."