Two Days Ago, I Ripped Off the U.S. Government

Shh...this is just between us. I don't need to spend my golden years in a Crossbars Hilton. Or more likely, a Federal Red Roof Pen.

Friday, I took the boys' weekly letters to the main post office. Not the dead mouse smelling post office branch in downtown Backroads. I go to the main post office every Friday. It's more dependable, and a day faster. Not that Genius and The Pony are sitting on the edge of their comfy couches, waiting eagerly for my letters to arrive.

Genius's letter is often too heavy. You can have up to four sheets of paper in an envelope, you know. That's the maximum weight for a regular stamp to carry. Unless you use onionskin paper, or parchment. I most often have only one piece of paper for Genius. I print his front and back. I also enclose his $6 for Chinese food, and two $5 scratch-off tickets. The Pony gets two or three pieces of paper. I don't worry about front-and-backing his, because he gets a little more money due to no (heavy) lottery, and one bill weighs half what two do.

Every week, I go to the counter and tell the clerk, "This one's ready to go, but I think this one here is a little heavy." Generally, the clerk hefts it with his/her hand, and agrees or says, "It's just right." On those "just right" days, they put it on the scale to make sure. They haven't been wrong yet. On those heavy days, I pay for the extra postage, and the clerk slaps another kind of stamp on the envelope. It's not as much as a regular stamp.

Anyhoo...on Friday, I also wanted to purchase a book of stamps. So I had extra postage, plus one book. The total was $10.01. I handed the clerk a twenty, and he gave me back a ten. Let the record show that I was fully expecting to get back $9.99. I need change for my 44 oz Diet Cokes. And ones, too. But that clerk gave me a ten. He ate the penny.

THAT'S WHY THE POST OFFICE HAS TO KEEP RAISING THEIR RATES!

Can you imagine how much money that is, if only one clerk in each post office in the United States gives someone a penny off the cost of postage every single day?

And another thing...I suspect the main post office of using some kind of signal jammer! No, I'm not really THAT crazy. But I can't explain why my radio quits working there. I understand why it might not work when I pull into the parking area, which is kind of under part of the building. But why won't it work when I'm OUTSIDE of that parking area, driving up the street beside it? What's up with THAT? It's different from the static I get when driving along power lines.

I don't know if my cell phone works there. I haven't tried to make or receive a call. It doesn't send pictures very well at all, but then...I can't do that inside my own house, and I don't have a jammer, only a metal roof.

Anyhoo...I ripped off the U.S. Government to the tune of one cent on Friday. You know I had that penny I found at Waterside Mart in my shirt pocket, right?