Monday, September 18, 2017

You Can Fool All of the People Some of the Time, and Some of the People All of the Time, but You Can Fool Hick Any Old Time

A surprise retirement party for Hick? How is THAT supposed to work, you might ask. How are you going to fool him, now that he's retired and underfoot 24/7/365?

When Genius proposed the party, originally scheduled for the weekend after Hick retired, I thought we might be able to pull it off. The only problem being whether Hick would be home and unsurprisable, or gone to an auction and unavailable.

Genius discovered that getting his three brothers corralled on the same weekend was no easy task. Especially on Labor Day Weekend. As it was, The Pony could not make it any weekend, due to the long travel time. So he was here in spirit, but mainly in finances. The surprise party was rescheduled for this past Saturday, September 16.

I used my well-developed half-truth skills to make sure Hick would be here at 2:00 p.m., the time Genius and The Veteran planned to start grilling. So I casually asked Hick, "Do you think we could barbecue on Saturday? We didn't do anything for Labor Day. You could do a little bit of everything, and we'd have it to eat for supper through the week."

"Yeah. I think I can do that."

"If you start at 2:00, then you'll have time to do whatever you do in the mornings, and still leave for the auction by 6:00."

"Okay. I'll grill at 2:00."

Easy peasy. Hick was locked in at the proper time period. THEN commenced the preparations. Genius was bringing leftover light beer from the Boys State float trip, and The Veteran and HOS were bringing soda and chips. I was taking care of the meat and potato salad and beans. Genius said he'd whip up a couple of desserts, which ended up being Rice Krispie treats and lemon bars.

You'd think Hick would have noticed the two giant packs of pork steaks, the 20-pack of jumbo hot dogs, the dozen bratwursts, and the 24 hamburgers. But no. I suppose that it was just answer to his carnivore dreams. The dozen ears of corn were still in the back of T-Hoe, along with 7 bags of buns, and two packs of large sturdy paper plates, and a 24-serving pack of knives/forks/spoons.

I especially thought the bowl of 5 pounds of boiled potatoes left in FRIG II overnight, which he saw upon his return from the auction, would tip him off. But no. Hick said later, "I don't know how many potatoes it takes for your potato salad."


That's HALF of what it made. I know it doesn't look appetizing in that brown bowl in my kitchen that looks like it's in the bowels of the earth, due to my cell phone camera. The bowl was full to the brim. It made 4 tall Chinese soup containers of potato salad. (heh, heh, the abbreviation on that picture title was retirement party pot)

Anyhoo...Genius and his Friend arrived at 1:15. For a 2:00 party. At least he called me, and at least he was helping with preparations. Friend shucked corn (and Val didn't care) while Genius readied the grill and laid out foil for coating the corn with butter and cayenne pepper (only half of them). THEN The Veteran called and said he was almost there with his crew of 7, and it was only 1:30! I was still sweeping the kitchen floor! Oh, and not to be left out...HOS pulled up with his wife and son, his daughter and her boyfriend coming a little later.

So there they all were, standing awkwardly around my kitchen, watching me slice onions and tomatoes. Genius said, "You really need to have a beer." But I didn't. I had not planned on being in charge of entertainment! Only on providing the guest of honor in a timely manner, and the meat, and the venue. Finally most of them went outside, where it was hotter than the surface of the sun. I was dripping sweat inside, in the 74-degree air conditioning.

Meanwhile, Hick was missing. The last I'd seen him was an hour previous, when he'd said he was driving the Gator up to Buddy's house. Genius reported that the Gator was parked over by the BARn. So I figured Hick was in there, and would come over at 2:00 to start the grill. Which the boys already had going.

Then started the debate on how to notify Hick of his surprise party. I wanted him to walk over, unawares, and perhaps see some of the cars lining the driveway. If he'd come earlier, he would have just been pleasantly surprised that Genius had dropped by for a visit. But this was everyone. We don't even do that at Christmas!

The boys were antsy to get Hick surprised. HOS was going to go to the BARN and tell him I needed him at the house.Then he decided to send his 7-year-old on his bicycle. That worked.

As Hick walked past Shackytown, and saw us all standing on the porch and brick sidewalk, his face lit up. He's generally a happy person, but he was practically glowing. Especially when he saw Genius.

"What are all you guys doing here?"

"It's a retirement party for you!"

"A party?"

"Yeah. We're grilling."

"Oh. I though I was supposed to grill today. Did YOU know about this?"

"Yes! I thought sure you'd figured it out, with all that meat in the refrigerator."

"I don't pay no attention to that. We always grill a lot at once."

Let the record show that we are not in a habit of grilling 25 pounds of meat every time we barbecue.

Anyhoo...Hick cracked open a Michelob Dry (special purchase by Genius just for him) and set to telling the boys how to grill.

Even this morning, he commented on how surprised he was.

21 comments:

  1. I hate surprise parties the few that have been thrown for me I figured out and had to "act" surprised.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, it's kind of like knowing your Christmas present ahead of time. I'm not a snooper!

      Delete
  2. A surprise party for retirement might be easier to slip by than a milestone birthday. Hick must have loved it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think it helped that the party came two weeks after the retirement.

      Delete
  3. Hick has done a couple of nice things (at least you've shared a couple) in the recent past, so I guess he deserved such a nice party in his honor.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hick hasn't had a lot of parties in his life, so I didn't begrudge him this one.

      Delete
  4. Surprise? Mission accomplished :)
    Nice to know I'm not the only person on earth who puts egg in their potato salad.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, we pulled it off in spite of ourselves.

      Mine must have the eggs, and dill pickles and chopped onion! It's very mustardy as well. You either love it or you hate it.

      Delete
    2. Mine has everything yours does, except for the dill pickle. I also put in chopped celery for a crunch. I'll have to try it with the dills!!

      Delete
    3. We are not fans of celery. I pick it out of Chinese food. The only thing I like it in is the Arby's chicken salad sandwich. We like the vinegar-y tang in potato salad and deviled eggs. That's my secret ingredient in the deviled eggs...DILL PICKLE JUICE.

      Delete
    4. We sometimes add crispy bacon bits, but none of that other stuff. My mother in law used to put sliced gherkins in hers. I save all the savoury type additions for coleslaw.

      Delete
    5. No eggs in Potato Salad would be criminal!

      Delete
    6. I never thought of adding bacon. That would surely be a hit around here! I can't make coleslaw, unless you count using a bag of shredded mix and adding BBQ sauce to it for a tasty side dish for my baked or grilled chicken breast.

      The one time I forgot the eggs, I couldn't figure out why my potato salad was not up to par. It was almost all eaten by the time I remembered.

      Delete
  5. Happy Hick was happy, and happy Hick has meat and taters to tide him over. FUN!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hick was indeed happy. One thing's for sure...supper for the next few days will be no surprise.

      Delete
  6. It sounds like Hick was pleased with his surprise party. I'm not a big fan of surprises but I'm sure everyone wanted to celebrate this milestone with Hick.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If it hadn't been a surprise, Hick would have been commandeered to help me clean up the kitchen to prepare for the influx of 15 guests! And he could have carried in that 25 pounds of meat.

      Delete
  7. Very nice Val, I am happy that everyone came over to wish Hick a happy retirement. If he was looking like that when he walked up I'd say that you definitely surprised him.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm a stealthy ninja when it comes to surprises!

      Delete
  8. Sounds heartwarming! I enjoyed surprising HeWho cannot keep a secret. He tries, but he gets so excited about the gifts he buys for me that he can't stop giving me hints, then he is crestfallen when I guess correctly. I knew I was getting a puppy for Christmas, but I was so happy with Eddie, it was easy to act surprised.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You won't be shocked to hear that Hick is the same way! The best Christmas present he ever got me was truly a surprise: my old red cloth rolly office chair.

      Hick tried to repeat that feat two years ago, with a tall-backed leather rolly office chair. It sits behind my falling-apart red one now. It was NOT a surprise, because between Hick and Genius, I knew exactly what their late-night machinations were leading to. They must not have told The Pony, because he's a terrible liar, and I didn't get the vibe from him.

      Delete