Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday #77 "And Wanda Was Her Name, Eh?"

Blog buddy Sioux is hosting Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday. I have 150 words to convince you to fake-buy my fake book. We all know that Val's a gambler. She likes her scratchers, she likes her casino, and she likes to wage that people will buy her fake books. Odds are that Thevictorian's fake books make more as a tax write-off than they ever fake-make in her bank account. Be an enabler, won't you? Pony up your fake money for this week's fake book. You can't lose if you don't play, you know.

"And Wanda Was Her Name, Eh?"

Wanda Wynn is a seasoned bingo player. She cut her teeth on the shell game, spent her formative years mastering 3-card monte, and now rules the bingo roost at her old folks' home. Recent budget cuts have watered down Wanda's bingo winnings. From the prize table, she has enthusiastically chosen donut seeds, cowboy bubble bath, beats headphones, a hillbilly washer and dryer, and a 3-piece chicken dinner...only to be disappointed in finding Cheerios, pinto beans, two empty beet cans connected by twine, a flat metal ring and clothespin, and a baggie containing 3 kernels of corn.

Wanda is mad as Not-Heaven, and she's not going to take it anymore. Will Wanda bluff her way to riches with her water-shooting 9mm handgun? (121 words)

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Fake Reviews for Val’s Fake Book

Bingo, the farmer's dog..."There was a fake-writer who had a blog, and Thevictorian was her name. OH! S-U-C-K-S...S-U-C-K-S...S-U-C-K-S...describes her newest fake book."

The Wheels on the Bus..."Thevictorian has a lot in common with us. When she writes her fake books, the plot goes round and round. Unlike us, Thevictorian's plot never seems to reach her intended destination."

Itsy Bitsy Spider..."Take it from one who knows: Thevictorian's new fake book is a wash-out. It's enough to make me climb up that waterspout again and again to avoid any mention of it. Avoid it like scheduling a picnic on a day with thunderstorms in the forecast."

Five Little Monkeys..."One fake writer, hawking her fake book. Thevictorian's a hack, don't even take a look. Momma called the publisher and the publisher was shook. Don't buy this one, 'cause Thevictorian's a crook. Oh, yeah. Then we pushed her out of bed and she hit her head and now she's in a coma so you're all off the hook."

London Bridge..."Thevictorian's sales are falling down...falling down...falling down. There is nothing her fake publisher can do to build them up. My best advice for Thevictorian is to relocate. We all know she's going to end up somewhere very hot, like me. But much hotter than Arizona."

Old MacDonald..."Thevictorian wrote a book. Oh my, oh my, NO! And in her book there was no plot. Oh my, oh my, NO! With a fake book here, and a fake book there...here a fake, there a fake, everywhere a fake, fake. Thevictorian wrote a book. Oh my, oh my, NO!"

The Farmer in the Dell..."Thevictorian wrote a book, Thevictorian wrote a book. Oh, no, I'm full of woe, Thevictorian wrote a book. Let's just cut to the chase here: like the cheese, Thevictorian's fake book stands alone, not selling, and stinks to high heaven."

John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt..."Nobody EVER calls Thevictorian John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt. My name is NOT her name, too. Whenever we go out, which we don't, because I don't associate with her...people always shout: 'There goes Val Thevictorian, the worst fake writer to ever fake-write a fake book!'"

Black Sheep..."Bah! Bah! Thevictorian! No wool for her! No, sir! No, sir! The master, the dame, and the little boy who lives down the lane all agree that her fake writing is flocking atrocious!"

Bonnie, lying around across various and assorted large bodies of water..."Thevictorian writes over the ocean. Thevictorian writes over the sea. Thevictorian writes over the ocean. Don't ever bring that fake writing near me. Last night as I lay on my pillow. Last night as I lay on my bed. Last night as I lay on my pillow. I dreamt Thevictorian was dead. Good riddance to bad writing!"