What is it with guys and the bread sack?
Seriously. A bread sack is not a balloon. Yet every time I reach for the bread after Hick has had his way with the loaf, that bag is bloated like a paper lunch sack in the hands of a 13-year-old boy with the intent of causing a heart attack amongst the elderly faculty.
My dad used to do the same thing. "Air is a good insulator," he explained. Well then. I suppose construction workers are planning to stuff those poofy loaves in between the studs before putting on the drywall. Fashion designers can weave them together to make puffy coats that hold in body heat better than Gore-Tex. So if you knock over a wine display while waiting in the liquor store for your friends to buy a chocolate babka, you will have something to soak up the mess.
Fishermen could use them as floats for their nets. Kids can swing them at each other's heads without risk of injury, like carb-filled boxing gloves. Let's fill containers with them at the ends of highway guard rails to cushion cars in collisions. Use them in football helmets to cut down on concussions. Strap them to babies' butts as they're learning to walk.
AIR IS THE ENEMY OF BREAD!
Stop filling up the bread sacks with air. You are inviting the enemy in to destroy the inhabitant. Can you not simply squeeze out the atmosphere before twirling that plastic wrapper and twist-tying it like a rodeo cowboy hog-tying a steer?
What is it with you guys and the bread sack?
I squeeze before I twirl. Sometimes I finish with a pinch.
ReplyDeleteMen and their sacks... And Joeh squeezes, twirls and pinches his sack? Interesting.
ReplyDeleteThe blow? Air sacks? I thought this was going to be a nasty post.
ReplyDeleteIt may turn into that, Stephen.
ReplyDeletejoeh,
ReplyDeleteI hear you stole that move from someone else. It's as bad as stealing the umbrella twirl from a street vendor.
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Sioux,
Not that there's anything wrong with that...
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Stephen,
That is frowned upon here. Like sex on your desk with the cleaning lady, grabbing another gal's boobs in the sauna, making out in the balcony during Schindler's List, and having your boys out there, flippin' and floppin,' behind only a thin layer of gabardine.
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Catalyst,
Sioux gave it a good try. Next thing you know, Sioux and Joe will be sweeping together!
I can not even come close to counting all the Seinfeld references here. Funniest group of blog post comments I've seen in a while.
DeletePay attention to the lessons of Master Po, Grasshopper, and you, too, shall one day be able to whip out these references.
ReplyDeleteMuch in the manner that Mattie Ross whipped out the name of Lawyer Daggett. "She draws him like a gun," said Glen Campbell as LaBoeuf.