Genius is sleeping outside tonight. Let the record show that the temperature in College Town is currently 17 degrees. Yet Genius says he needs to camp out in order to be near the front of the line for Friday's housing rush. He and three cronies have a house in mind for their abode next school year, and they must sign up and put down their deposit before somebody else snatches it up. I knew he was getting a house. I didn't know the sacrifice involved. Until the phone rang at 9:00 this morning.
"Hey! Look at YOU, sitting home on a snow day!"
"I don't control the weather. I am merely a happy recipient of such."
"Yeah. Um. Speaking of the weather...we're going to wait in line all night for housing tomorrow."
"YOU CAN'T DO THAT! You'll freeze to death. Or at least you'll get sick. Right this very moment I am paying your hospital bills."
"What? I haven't been to the hospital. That's wrong."
"From over Christmas break. Your two ER trips. And tests."
"Well, that should have been over with by now."
"Actually, this is timely. All the radiologists and tests are coming in."
"Anyway, I'm staying out all night."
"Do you even have a tent?"
"Yeah. One of the guys is bringing one. It's 7 by 7."
"Get some cardboard. You can't lay on the ground. And wear a hat. Wear two hats. Dress in layers."
"I don't have cardboard. I KNOW how to dress. I'm taking three blankets and some towels to lay on. But my sleeping bag is at home. With my tent. I bought them off the internet last summer for fifty dollars. I don't have time to drive home and get it."
"I see where this is going. Go to Walmart and get a sleeping bag. I'll send you the money. Blankets aren't good. You need a comforter, to trap the air."
"I have a comforter. I don't have time to go to Walmart. I have three classes today. I'm going to get in line at 3:20, just as soon as I go suit up."
"You can't lay on the ground."
"Please! Stop lecturing me. One of our guys has gone through ROTC survival training. We know what we're doing."
"Stuff your clothes with moss! If you see a dead sheep, don't eat the eyeball until you've boiled it in the hot springs, or you'll get sick. You can use your shoelace, you know, to put that eyeball on and dangle it in the water. Remember when we used to watch Bear Grylls?"
"Mayhap I'll cut open a dead sheep and crawl inside. Mayhap I won't"
"Send me a picture."
"You're totally going to write about this, aren't you?"
"Yes. But send me a picture of your encampment. It will add authenticity to my post. Because so many people fake being homeless for one night."
"Better to be homeless for one night than homeless all next year. We have to get this house."
"I hope they have a metal trash can where you can start a fire. You can't do that in your tent. What if people are already in line?"
"Hey, I have to leave for class in five minutes. And I'm sitting here in jeans without a shirt."
"Then get going. You're making me cold."
"Okay. Bye."
So off went my studious Genius to his three classes. Then I got a text. "Send me a text tonight to remind me about the picture. Also, it's cold outside."
"Maybe you should change your career plan to meteorologist, Genius. Or cardiologist, to revive me after telling me stuff like that. I daresay the temps tonight will plunge below that of my cold, cold heart."
"At least I've had twenty years of practice dealing with your cold, cold heart."
"So true. Make sure you wear a shirt tonight, Axl, and some pants."
"I'll wear the sweatshirt you unknowingly bought me."
"Okay. I'll make the jokes here. Don't freeze your tentacles off."
"THERE ARE ALREADY PEOPLE THERE!"
"Told ya so." Let the record show that Val did not jump up and do the Told Ya So, Told Ya So, Told Ya Told Ya Told Ya So dance. Out of respect for Genius mourning his rightful place at the front of the line. It was only 9:20, you know.
By 10:00, Genius called me back.
"I thought you were in class until 11:00. You're not skipping, are you? I want you to get your money's worth. They won't cut me as big a check if you lose one of your scholarships."
"Please! I'm not missing anything. I'm going to Walmart now. Then I'm getting in line. My shift goes until 12:00."
"What about your classes?"
"This one is a waste. I went to turn in my homework, and my professor wasn't even there. I don't mean to sound racist, but there's this Indian guy who we had the first two weeks. I can't understand a word he says. Usually I do really good understanding my foreign teachers. But I can't tell what this one is saying. And he didn't even collect homework. My next class is a lab. We do six of them this semester. We can drop our lowest score. I have 100s on the ones I've already done. I think I'll be okay. Then the last one is Physics, where we turn in homework about once every two weeks. We just turned it in on Tuesday. And we do board problems, six per class. I already had my turn this week, so they won't get around to me again today. I'll be fine. OH! There's a homeless man at the corner."
"Is he working for food?"
"No."
"Begging for money?"
"Yeah. I feel sorry for him, though. He's the first homeless I've seen down here."
"They don't exactly let them on campus. Does he have some cardboard? I bet you could take it from him."
"No."
"You need to watch all the dumpsters for cardboard on your way to and from Walmart. You need something between you and the ground."
"I'm here now. I'm going in."
The plan, apparently, is for two of the four future housemates to sit in line, and two of them to use Genius's RA dorm room as a warming station and watch movies. Genius got a sleeping bag and a folding chair and a thermal shirt for $40. For which he expects to be reimbursed, of course, because I am paying more than half of his support, and I cost him $59 of his withheld taxes that won't be refunded. He would have gotten some thermal pants (to protect his tentacles, you know), but Walmart had none. He even asked an associate. Which just goes to show that a lot of tentacle-endowed students must be camping out tonight for a chance at off-campus housing next year.
Best of luck, Genius. The check is in the mail.
I hope they get the house!
ReplyDeleteWith all that collective intelligence and ingenuity, you'd think they could have engineered a solution that would have left them toasty warm instead of shivering cold...
ReplyDeleteI remember when our son was going to the University of Oregon and how important it was to get the right house. I wish Genius luck. All this effort should be rewarded.
ReplyDeletejoeh,
ReplyDeleteThey got it! And I must say, it's real, and it's spectacular. Four bedrooms, two baths, two fireplaces, a full unfinished basement, kitchen with an island, big back yard. Real estate is cheap here in the middle of nowhere, so his part of the rent will be less than $250 a month.
*****
Sioux,
Genius did say he planned to take the solar battery thingies from solar car team and use them to power his electronic gewgaws all night. You'd think he would have rigged up a heater, but that boy knows his priorities.
I asked why they had to stay, even though there was a sign-up list, and the person in charge said that if they did a roll call in the middle of the night, and somebody wasn't there, their names would be marked off the list.
*****
Stephen,
Well, he's been rewarded. Now he can re-think what he wished for. Somebody has to mow that yard. And his dad can't wait to look for furniture and a washer/dryer at the auction!
Glad he got his house! It will give his dad so much pleasure to comb through all the Goodwill stores he can find!
ReplyDeleteKathy,
ReplyDeleteGenius wouldn't deign to live in some of the hovels I rented as a student and a beginning teacher. Hick is fired up for tonight's auction. He already decided that there's no need for a washer/dryer or kitchen table, what with my mom most likely having wanted Genius to use hers. We'll see what my sister the ex-mayor's wife has to say about that. She's a gun-runner, you know. Can't cross her.