The Pony Takes Exception To Val's Parenting Skills

Pity the poor Pony. Today he tried to tell me that there was no difference in the pronunciation of shave and save.

Not sure how this came about. We were driving T-Hoe to visit my mom, and perhaps The Pony mentioned that he wasn't going to save his goatee. Which didn't make sense to me, what with him letting it go all Amish during no-shave November, and then keeping it until we went back to school, at which point he SHaved it. There is no month in the future that calls for the Saving or SHaving of the beard. So I started an interrogation.

"That doesn't make sense."

"Yes it does."

"Why would you not want to save it?"

"SAVE it. That's what I said."

"I know. Save it."

"Um. Cut it off? I'm not going to SAVE it. With the saver."

"Wait. You mean SHAVE. You're not going to SHAVE it."

"Yeah. That's what I said. I'm not going to SAVE it."

"Those are two different words."

"I know. But they are pronounced exactly alike: SAVE."

"No. It's a different sound. SHave! There's a lot of difference. You Sift the flour, but you SHift the car. You don't Sift the car."

"Whatever."

"I guess you come by that naturally. When you were a baby, you had that ear infection that wouldn't go away when you were one. That's when kids are learning language. It took forever to get that ear infection cleared up. Especially after you landed in the ER with the allergy to amoxycillin."

"I know. You told me."

"They tried five different antibiotics. Nothing worked. Finally we took you to an ENT, and he had the bright idea to treat you with an antihistamine. VOILA! It dried up your ear and that infection went away. But you had some hearing loss."

"WHAT?"

"You had some hearing loss. So you didn't hear how words were pronounced right."

"You never told me I have hearing loss!"

"Yes I did. I told you that whole story of how Dad was gone to Wales, and Grandma spent the night, and I thought you had chicken pox because of the spots when I picked you up from daycare, and how I checked on you in the night, and you were all swollen from the reaction to that amoxycillin you were taking for the ear infection."

"Yeah. I remember that story. But you didn't tell me I have hearing loss. THAT explains it!"

"I know I told you. We went to that hospital where Grandma had her rehab, to a room where they tested hearing. You were just a baby. I had to sit in a little dark playhouse thing, while they played sounds of different decibels and pitches all around the room to see if you would look that way. Sometimes you did, sometimes you didn't. The doctor said you had hearing loss."

"THANKS A LOT FOR TELLING ME!"

"I'm sure I told you. I guess you just didn't HEAR me! Get it? HEAR me, heh, heh."

"I get it. I can't believe you never told me. This explains so much."

"Why? Do you not have good hearing in one ear?"

"Yeah. The left. All this time, I thought it was normal. That all people are like that. That it's like dominant hand. If you write with your right hand, you have less hearing in your left ear."

"No. It doesn't work that way."

"I KNOW THAT NOW! But until a few minutes ago, I just figured everybody heard less out of their non-dominant ear. I wish you had told me I have hearing loss."

"You do."

"WHAT? I didn't hear that."

"Heh, heh. I did that on purpose. Said it really low."

"I can't believe you!"

"Hey. Tomorrow Dad is grilling. I'll get you a steak if you want."

"I'll just sit in the basement with my hearing loss, oblivious to all going on around me."

Wow. Who knew The Pony would be so bitter?"